AF arrived today. She's actually on time.
I had been having slight cramping all day yesterday which I was trying to ignore as much as possible. Last night, I noticed an itsy bitsy tiny bit of pink spotting when wiping, but again, tried to ignore it. Some people experience spotting when AF is due, but still get pregnant. But when I was in the shower last night, I lost it. I was upset that AF was actually going to be here. Again.
I was expecting her. I knew she would be here, it was just a matter of whether she would be on time. And yet, I was quite surprised at how emotional and sad I was that she was going show up again!
I don't know about you, but I do a lot of my thinking and crying in the shower. Somehow it's easier to cry. Maybe it's the sound of the water and the bathroom fan muffling my sobs (I don't like my Babe to see me cry). Or the hot water washing down my face and body, comforting me while I cry. Or that fact that I don't need to tissue to blow the snot out of my nose. I know, that's gross. More importantly I think the shower allows me to "cleanse" myself, to wash away all my icky burdens, sadness and grief, and watch them all go down the drain. It always makes me feel better after a shower. That's why, I always cry in the shower, or at least take a shower after I cry.
I guess I was in denial. I was hoping I could be one of those lucky people I read about when googling "early pregnancy symptoms" where they were having cramps and were 100% sure their periods were here, but were surprised when it never did show. Why couldn't I be one of those people. To be honest, I go through this every month, hoping that the cramps are nothing, but deep down I know that AF is sure to show up.
After my shower, I decided to wear a pad to bed. No point being in denial. It was a good thing because AF showed up in full force during the night.
Remember the whole bo.obs discussion I had a few days ago? Well now I just feel silly.
Today's CD1. I'll call the clinic tomorrow to schedule my blood work and ultrasound.
IVF, here we come..........