Saturday, October 4, 2014

Hello, It's Me

Hello, it's me.

It's been almost 2 months since my last posting.  I am still here.  Hanging in there.  Not sure if anyone is still reading or following this blog, but I wanted to check in for a bit.

So much has happened since my last post.  So much.  But yet, nothing really has.  Nothing has changed..... I'm still here, still no baby.  Still not much progress, except very little in the infant adoption process.  And still no decision on what to do about embryo adoption.  I wish I had done a better job keeping up with this blog as there is SO much to update.  But I will have to do that in a couple of posts.

All I can say is that these last 3 months have been SO, SO HARD.

Going back to work has been hard.  Starting a new job has been difficult.  Starting a new job, while still grieving my past losses has been tremendously hard.  I thought I was ready to go back, but boy was I wrong.  I guess I have not fully grieved, but does anyone really?

Going back to work has been one of the hardest things, emotionally, that I have had to do.  Most days I wake up dreading the fact that I have to go to work.  Trying to focus on a new job while still having to deal with so much emotions and unresolved issues have been overwhelming and pretty much consuming me.  I have been a total emotional wreck!  That's to put things lightly!

Honestly, I had written a bit more details about my job and how it is affecting me, but Babe had discouraged me, saying the blog world is not as private as I would like to think it is.  So, to protect my privacy, I have refrained from going into too much details.

I have been overwhelmed with work and therefore have spent no time reading blogs, nor spent much time on the embryo adoption FB group.  But, even with the little time I have spent, it has been difficult due to the many pregnancy and birth annoucements.  The lady I met at NEDC during my January transfer (we had the same transfer date and met up at the recovery room), well she just gave birth to her baby from that transfer.  I am so happy for her, but yet it is another thing that makes me sad.

Please keep me in my your prayers as I go through this trying time.  Please be patient with me as I try to find time to write a couple more update posts.


21 comments:

  1. Glad you are "back." I've been thinking of you. Watching those milestones (birth, etc.) can be so emotionally draining even when you care about someone and even when part of you is happy for them. Praying for strength and clarity for you.

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  2. Still reading!! You have lots of anonymous support and people rooting for you!!!

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  3. I'm still here. I'm sorry work has been so difficult for you. I feel the same way with milestones. This is all too much sometimes. I hope and pray that something positive comes together soon for you!!!

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  4. Praying for you! XO

    Mel @ thereisahigherhope.blogspot.com

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  5. Reading and glad to see an update.

    I'm sorry that going back to work has been so tremendously hard. And that you haven't had an outlet. Babe is right about privacy, but I wonder if there is a way for you to still write while protecting yourself from backlash? Either way, you need an outlet, so I hope you are able to find one soon.

    Thinking of you.

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  6. Still reading and thinking of you.

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  7. Still reading and praying for you all the time. I know what you mean about work. Your baby will find you, one way or another, I know it!

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  8. You are in my prayers!

    I know how tough it is being happy for new parents but still so sad for yourself. Allow yourself to be sad. Allow yourself to grieve.

    Prayers!

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  9. I am sorry you're struggling right now. It's normal to pull away from blogs when you're stressed out of your mind with work. I do the same thing. Hang in there! Hugs.

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  10. Another one who is still here. Sending you thoughts of peace and love. Stepping back from this space can be helpful but hopefully knowing that there are people out here who think and hope and pray for you can help too. Be gentle with yourself, IF is not easy.

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  11. Still here and love your blog.Update when you can!

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  12. So glad you posted! I have been wondering how you were doing... and praying for your journey. I pray it is some sort of comfort to know that you are thought of and prayed for no matter how many details you share or don't share. (((hugs))) Grief in all forms is unique, don't rush yourself. Special prayers for the difficulties you are dealing with.

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  13. Thank you for posting to let us all know how you are doing. It especially helps to know how to pray for you and Babe. I hope you know that you have a lot of support and what you are going through is not easy. It is also totally understandable that birth and pregnancy announcements would be hard for you. I have been there so many times. I hope you show yourself some grace on this, and give your self some space to grieve and even unplug from having to deal with other people's news about babies and pregnancy. God has really put you and Babe on my heart and even if you don't update, I am still praying for you. RSI

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  14. Just wanted to offer you hugs from another EA blogger

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  15. Thinking of you. -Kj

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  16. I've been MIA for quite some time and recently started to try and blog again. I'm sorry things were rough there for a while. I hope they haven gotten better since you posted this. Continued prayers to you.

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  17. I have been following your blog for a while, hoping for an update and wondering how you are. I cant believe its been a year! I was really hoping for good news for you; I am in the situation of being the one who is still not pregnant and it feels like everyone else I know got the baby they prayed so hard for. I know that maybe its too painful to keep blogging if things havent changed, but I wanted you to know people out there still think about you and truly wish you the best.

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