Tuesday, March 23, 2010

Embryos Update

Got the call from the embryology lab today.

Unfortunately, no miracle for me.

It looks like Little Embie and Tiny are arresting.  Today, Little Embie has only grown from 3 cells to 4.  Tiny on the other hand has not grown, and has stayed at 2 cells.  They are in a stage where they should have been 3 days ago.

The lab will continue to monitor the embies one final day, but not beyond that.  I'm almost certain there won't be a transfer for us.  They will call again tomorrow morning with a final report and next steps.

Obviously, I am terribly disappointed with where we are right now.  I was feeling OK about it this morning until I told my Babe the news over the phone.  Then I broke down crying.

However, I am feeling a peace about this.  It doesn't mean that I'm not sad or disappointed about this.  I'm sure I'll be envious of other IVFers that make it to transfers, BFPS or birth announcements.  These are emotions I just can't help feeling, but I know that things will turn out OK.  I continue to hang on to the promise that God has plans for my Babe and I, plans to prosper us, and not to harm us.  Plans to give us hope and a future (Jeremiah 29:11).

I have to remember that faith and feelings are not the same thing.

Thank you all for the amazing outpouring of prayers and well wishes.  You guys are amazing.  I have never received such a huge response my posts as the last couple of days'.  I will continue to post, so I hope you will continue to walk this journey with me.  We'll see where this takes us.

38 comments:

  1. I'm so sorry about this outcome. You are being so strong. Take care of yourself.

    I will continue to walk through this journey with you till you get that BFP!!!

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  2. So sorry to hear that. Glad that you're finding some peace. Take care.

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  3. I think I understand that peace you wrote about, though of course none of us ever feel exactly the same. Sometimes you can't reach the high emotions and news doesn't get the same reaction it got at other times. If I heard you right, it's a "what will be, will be" moment because you know this is not the end, it's just one stop along the way.

    I hope that you continue to feel guided, loved and cared for, whether it's from your Babe or your God.

    Lisa (ICLW #15 Your Great Life)

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  4. I have no words to express how sorry I am about this. I'm glad, though, that you have faith and that you are moving forward. You will get through this and be even stronger!

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  5. ARGH!
    Praying hard...believing with you...always hoping.

    Romans 12:12

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  6. I'm sorry to hear this. I was so hoping that little one was going to surprise everyone. I even told my husband about it over lunch. You have a great outlook on all this. I admire you for remaining faithful and hopeful in light of bad news. Virtual hugs to you!

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  7. I am so sorry to hear this! I admire you for your strength and courage!

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  8. I'm so sorry to hear about this. I have really enjoyed following your blog (had to delurk today), and my hopes and prayers are with you, because I look forward to continuing following your blog and reading about all the wonderful things to come in the future for you and your hubby by God's grace. I love Jeremiah 29:11, and it's definitely one of my main life mantras. When I face disappointments, I always have to remind myself to look back throughout my life and remember how God has always surprised me with a far better plan than I could ever come up with for myself. He's got your back, and He's definitely got all of us in his hands. I'm sending you a virtual hug. Please take care and keep that hope and faith alive! :)

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  9. I am sending prayers your way! Take care of yourself!

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  10. I'm so, so sorry. I was so hopeful for you.
    Jeremiah 29:11 is so beautiful, but in the midst of loss, it's so, so hard to truly trust, I find. Which is why I was really surprised when I received two different pieces of mail, both on the same day, from two TOTALLY different people and both quoted Proverbs 3:5-6...reminding us not to depend on our limited understanding.

    Because it's hard--when we are promised that the plans are for us to prosper--it's hard to understand how a situation like this could be that. So, I just remember I CAN . NOT . UNDERSTAND.

    I'm so sorry for you. Many, many prayers.

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  11. oh that's my favorite verse. i think of it often. oh i'm so sorry that embie and tiny aren't growing!! *hugs* i'm glad to see you are staying positive and keeping the faith!

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  12. As someone who just found out my recent IVF cycle failed, my heart goes out to you. This journey through infertiilty is a difficult one and I admire your strength and courage. Reading blogs like yours help to remind me that I am not alone in my thoughts, fears or trials.

    Best wishes for the future ahead!

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  13. i'm sooo sorry. i was really hoping that this would work out for you. cry, scream, do what you need to do to get through this, and have faith that the *next one* is THE ONE for you. i hate that we are each our own guinea pigs in this crazee experiment called ivf, but hoping that your dr's learn alot from this round so that they can make the next one successful. *hugs*

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  14. Count me in, as I will remain steadfast in walking this journey WITH you :)

    My heart aches for you, as I can relate to your crying when making the phone call to your hubby. Just this week, I received some no so great news as well. I have no idea where the road is going to take me, but I know that I refuse to be broken...I may bend, but I won't break.

    You are looking in the right direction, which is UP. "He" is our constant and we have to cast our burdens on him. I will continue to pray for you and I am going to continue to pray for a miracle for your embies.

    Beyond anything else..know that I CARE.

    Much Love,
    xoxo

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  15. I'm so sorry the embies didn't make it. I know what its like to hope and then have it taken from you. I hope you're successful the next time around

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  16. Im incredibly sorry about what you are going through. HUGS!

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  17. I am so sorry things did not work out this time. I only hope that if my IVF cycle(s) don't work that I can find the same strength to get thru it that you seem to have found in yourself. XOXO

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  18. You are such a strong, beautiful person! I'm so sorry that this is seemingly hopeless. But you are right, God does have a plan for each of us! I'm praying that He reveals more of His plan to you!!

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  19. P.S. I don't think I've told you that your blog looks fabulous!!

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  20. oh, i can't even begin to understand what you're going through. my heart goes out to you and your DH. huge hugs.

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  21. I am so sorry about this. :( you are in my prayers!

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  22. I love your attitude! Stay strong girly!

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  23. I'm so sorry. I will continue to pray for them and also for your peace of mind. This is so tough. Please let me know if I can do anything!

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  24. I'm so sorry this is happening! You will be in my thoughts and prayers. Stay strong and keep the faith, hun!

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  25. As we grief along with you & your Babe on the loss of Little Embie & Tiny, here's another promise from God:

    I love you, O LORD, my strength.
    The LORD is my rock, my fortress and my deliverer; my God is my rock, in whom I take refuge. He is my shield and the horn of my salvation, my stronghold.
    I call to the LORD, who is worthy of praise, and I am saved from my enemies.

    Psalm 18:1-3

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  26. I am so sorry things are not looking up. I wake up and the first thing I do is check my blackberry for your updates... I am praying for you and that today may bring good news. (I am an eternal optimist) Sending you a massive hug and I keep you in my prayers.

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  27. I am so sorry. I hope and pray things turn out well for you. Trust in God! What a great Bible verse you have included in this post.
    I am following your blog. Prayers and good luck!
    ICLW

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  28. This is awful news. It is times like this, that faith is tested the hardest.

    I am praying that this may not be a repeat in the future.

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  29. Well shit. I'm so sorry to hear this honey. I was really hoping and praying that they would both make it.

    Thinking of you.

    xxx

    PS -> Loved what you said about feelings are not the same as faith cos too often ppl don't understand that. Your faith is strong but your feelings might not be right now and that's fine. HUGS.

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  30. I'm so sorry. It's great that through all this, you can still have faith. Keep believing!

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  31. I am so very sorry. The ups and downs of IVF are gut wrenching. I promise...one day, when you are holding your perfect newborn in your hands, it will all be worth it.

    Keep your faith and know that God has a plan for you. Even though it sucks at time...there is a plan!

    I pray that you can find some comfort and solitude with your husband in this difficult time.

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  32. Thinking of you. I had this happen to me on my first IVF cycles. Future cycles turned out better and I made it to the transfer stage, even though I was convinced at the time of the first cycle that I would never make it to the transfer stage. hang in there.

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  33. I'm so sorry for this disappointment. Hang in there. Nicole

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  34. There are no words, but just know I'm so terribly sorry and have been thinking about you constantly. You attitude truly is amazing, and just continue to keep the faith. And know we are all here for you, hang in there hun. (((HUGS)))

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  35. Aw, I'm sorry. Thinking of you. (((hugs)))

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