Wednesday, March 24, 2010



Today would have been my embryo transfer day.

Today I would have been PUPO - pregnant until proven otherwise, a term used for women waiting to find out if their IVF cycle worked.

Today, I would have been on bedrest, relaxing, laying around on our bed or the couch reading, watching movies, or catching up on people's blogs.

Instead, today the lab called to confirm what we already know, that my only 2 embryos have arrested.

Because Dr. Hopeful is currently on vacation, one of her partners, Dr. K called today to follow-up with me.  There wasn't too much more information he could offer me from this cycle.  I will need to follow up with Dr. Hopeful when she gets back from vacation on April 5th.  I will have to leave all my questions I have until I see her face-to-face.

Of course the first available appointment to see her is over a month away on May 5th.  But the receptionist said she would leave a message for Dr. Hopeful and they will try to squeeze me in as soon as possible.   More waiting ahead.

Also, I was told to continue my Endome.trin suppositories for a total of 10 days.  Then I should expect AF to show up within 3 to 5 days of stopping.  Just in time for Easter.  Great.  Such a waste of meds  and effort for nothing.

My sister reminded me last night that around this time a year ago we had been dealing with the disappointment of the BFN from my first IVF.  I looked back at last year's calendar.

March 19th 2009, I found out that we had a BFN from my first IVF.

March 19th 2010, I had my egg retrieval for my second IVF.  It was also the day I found out we could retrieve eggs from the left ovary only.  From there on, things kept going downhill.

I know this may sound silly, but I want to remember today.

Today, March 24th 2010, would have been the day we transfered my embryos back.  It is not to be.

But I want to remember today anyways.  I don't want to forget.


  1. My heart is absolutely breaking for you. There are no words to convey just how truly sorry I am to hear this news. My thoughts and prayers are with you.

    "I'll show up and take care of you as I promised and bring you back home. I know what I'm doing. I have it all planned out—plans to take care of you, not abandon you, plans to give you the future you hope for." Jeremiah 29:11

  2. well, march 19, 2011 can be memorable for you too, but in a GOOD way. let's get back on the horse, and then get some good news for you soon :o)

    i truly went into my 1st ivf hoping for a zillion mature eggs, so i'd have enough embies for "a few" FET's. well, joke was on me. i will never again take for granted even one embryo. that's what i've learned from this round. we only have one direction to go from here - UP! *hugs*

  3. This is just not fair!! I am so sorry you are going through this.

  4. I am so, so sorry for this. It is incredibly sad. I hate how they make you wait a month to see the doc too... Ugh. Thinking of you.

  5. I'm so sorry you are having to deal with this! I can't believe you have to wait a whole month before seeing your doctor. I hope they can get you in sooner. If you move on to round 3 - I will keep everything crossed that that will be your round!

  6. I saw your news on LFCA and just wanted to say how truly sorry I am. You're in my thoughts.

  7. I'm so so sorry your ET was cancelled. I was praying so hard for those 2 little embies. I truly hope that the time before your next treatment passes really quickly. Know I am thinking of you.

  8. I am so sorry honey, keeping you in my prayers. Hugs, Nan xxxooo

  9. (((((hugs))))) i'm still praying and i think it's wonderfully healing for you to remember today.... dates and milestones are so important in our hearts.

    always praying

  10. I prayed for you last night and I am praying for you now. I'm sorry that you are feeling these emotions and taking that walk down memory lane, but its natural to feel as you do. You do amaze me though, as you want to remember, which signals your ability to embrace the disappointment, which enables healing. I pray fo you and I wish that I had more words of encouragement for you. Just know that you are not alone, as I will continue to walk with you.

    Much Love

  11. So sorry for your loss, sending lots of hugs & prayers your way!


  12. I am so sorry!! I admire your thinking very much! I am thinking of you and sending lots of P&PTs to you!!

  13. I truly feel your sadness. a friend of mine once said "God has a sick sense of humor." In time like this, I have to agree with her. I wish I can tell you when your day will come, but I can't. I wish I can do more.

    Hang in there. *****hugs*****

  14. Bless your heart. I wish there was something to say that would make any of this make sense, and unfortunately, I just don't think there is. I absolutely HATE that you don't get any answers about anything any time soon. I will pray that Dr. Hopeful squeezes you in (the least that should happen) as SOON as possible. Not that it would make it any easier, but languishing in the "What the heck" just is just more torture.

    So, so sorry and many prayers for you and your husband. xoxo

  15. I am so very very sorry. Praying for you both. ((HUGS))

  16. I am so sorry- it just completely sucks. We're on our first IVF... so I know it's so much invested to just get disappointment. Thinking of you.

  17. Sending you lots of love and hugs honey. It sucks hairballs.


  18. (((hugs)))

    i've been thinking about you.

  19. I am so, so sorry. Sending BIG HUGS and lots of support and prayers your way.