Thursday, March 25, 2010


I'm coping.

I've gotten used to the idea that this cycle was cancelled.  Wait, is it considered cancelled, if everything went well until egg retrieval and then your embryos don't make it?  I don't know.  I guess it doesn't really matter.

People ask me how I'm doing and I am doing OK.  I really do feel OK.  I'm fine if I do not think about the disappointment of this cycle.  That's easy to do as I keep myself busy during the day.  I read blogs or emails, write posts, watch shows on, etc.

Bedtime though is tougher.  I crawl into bed and lay down my head, it's quiet all around me.  My Babe may or may not be already asleep.  It surprises me how fast and intense the sadness hits me and I start crying.  I just can't help it.  The tears come even when I will myself not to think about it.  Maybe it's my body's way of releasing all the pent up disappointments from the day.

It's getting better though.  I cried only for a brief moment and fell asleep much faster last night.  It will get better.  It already has.  Soon, I will be able to fall asleep without crying.

Again, I am humbled by all the comments, prayers and well wishes I've received in the last couple of days. Thank you for your support through this time.  I also received a comment from a gal on my journal on Baby Center  (which is automatically imported from this blog) that the cycle before she conceived her daughter, she had zero fertilization on all of her 8 eggs, even with ICSI.  She was told that the only way she could get pregnant was with donor eggs.  She switched REs, protocols and got pregnant.  This gives me much hope!  Thanks, katie2424!


  1. Let yourself cry and feel lighter once the tears are dry. I've only known you through a few blog posts, but you are a beautiful, strong woman who will continue to brighten the lives of others.
    Stay strong and faithful.
    Peace to you always.

  2. I too have spent many nights on a pillow soggy with tears...disappointment hurts deeply and its okay to cry. Feel what you need to and know that we are here to rally you on.

    Just last night I was crying and talking with my hubby...wondering what's in store and he reThe soul would have no rainbow had the eyes no tears. ~John Vance Cheneyasured me that we will make it. You and Babe will to, because you are an US :) US can do all things that I alone cant.

    I wanted to pass along this little quote:

    The soul would have no rainbow had the eyes no tears. ~John Vance Cheneyasured

    Know that I am praying for your rainbow :)

  3. Ignore my mess of a post...I was trying to say that I was wondering what was in store and my hubby asured me that we will make it. You and Babe will too, because you are an US. US can do all things that I can't do alone. :)


  4. Oh! I'm so sorry... Hang on to those inspiring stories! Good things do happen to people when they least expect it. It will be your turn some day. (((HUGS)))

  5. My sadness tends to come out at night while in bed too. I hope you nights get better!!

  6. Bed time is always the hardest. Just let it all out. Crying cleanses the soul. I hope you will start to feel better soon!

  7. Just go with your feelings, have a good cry when you want to nothing wrong with it. This is a very hard road to travel but believe it or not it makes you stronger.

  8. Still lifting you up and knowing that God counts each of your tears. Sometimes feels like that's too many to keep track of, but He does....Ugh...wish your follow-up appointment was sooner!!!

  9. I want you to know my heart and I am crying with you..I know just how much it hurts to want something so much and you can't have it.
    God has a plan and plans take time ... you will see it will be special you just have to wait a see... I got to this point and one day the phone rang they said... "A mother wants a good home for her unborn child." They ask me if I wanted a baby ???? the answer was YES YES YES . I never thought it was going to be like this I wanted mine own... I have to say my little girl is mine. She looks like me acts like me and does the same things I do... I only wanted someone to care for, love with all my heart and soul and put all my dreams into her... YOU know that just what happen.. it was just in different way... HANG In THERE .... I will be praying for you and your plan to come soon... love you

  10. I'm so so sorry about your embryos. You're in my thoughts and prayers.

  11. I am so sorry...I mean I'm glad you are ok, but sorry that there are rough times. Thinking about you and praying.

  12. Its totally normal to mourn the loss of this cycle, so you just let it out hun. Take the time you need, and you're will get better. Thinking about you, hang in there hun!