Thursday, May 29, 2014

How Quickly Things Can Change

First of all, I want to thank everyone for all the kind comments on my beta result and "I Feel...." posts.  You have no idea how much those comments mean to me.  Everyday, I check my email waiting to see if anyone else had commented.  I get so much encouragement and draw so much strength from all those kind words, it brings me to tears reading them.  It's amazing how God can use total strangers (most of you I have never met) to touch me so deeply.  And it's wonderful.

When I first wrote the "I Feel" post, I just needed to spill all the thoughts and feelings I had going through my head.  When I was done, I had second thoughts about posting them.  There are some pretty ugly stuff there, and I was scared to share them.  It felt vulnerable.  I'm so glad I did as it has brought me such encouragement to read the comments that have come through.

When I was in Knoxville, I met 3 other women going for their transfers at NEDC.  The day before the big beta day, we had one confirmed pregnancy (first beta Friday before), one unconfirmed pregnancy, one unconfirmed not pregnant, and mine was unknown.  By the end of beta day, we had one more confirmed pregnancy!  Unfortunately, the one with the confirmed pregnancy found out that her numbers had dropped pretty dramatically and was having a chemical pregnancy.  In the end between the four of us, we have one pregnancy, confirmed today with a healthy double of the hCG numbers, one chemical pregnancy and 2 who are not pregnant.  How quickly things can change.  But we are happy that at least one of us is pregnant and we will continue to root her on.  We are grateful to have each other to walk this journey together this transfer.

Last night, I was so shocked and saddened to find out that the domestic infant adoption for one of the couples from my adoption support group had fallen through.  This is so heartbreaking.   I had just heard a few weeks ago that they had been matched and the baby was going to be born really soon.  I was ecstatic for them.  But now, I am heartbroken for them.  What touched me so was at this time of grief,  they thought of me and found time to email me, telling me they are thinking and praying for me.   Please pray for this special couple.  These few days have not been good for our adoption group.

On a lighter note, I am grateful that I am finally off those PIO shots.  For some reason the injection sites on my left hip had developed big sore lumps.  After a few days, those lumps seemed to have combined into one huge lump.  The joke was that I now had three butt cheeks.  Now that we have stopped the shots, the lump had gotten a lot smaller, but my hips are still sore from the PIO shots.

Another pro of stopping the PIO shots..... I am no longer bloated.  I noticed this transfer, my belly had gotten pretty bloated.   While I was on PIO shots, my "fat pants" which were way too loose, were no longer my "fat pants".  Within 24 hours of stopping my PIO shots, they are now my "fat pants" again.  Thank goodness!

I have a feeling my period will arrive within the next day or so.  I'm guessing Friday, most likely Saturday.  I am already feeling slight cramping so I am expecting it to be here soon.  The last 2 transfers which resulted in chemical pregnancies, my period arrived 4 days after all medication were stopped.  That sound about right for this time too.


  1. It seems to me that the chemical pregnancies show that you can get pregnant. I hope that you seek a second opinion after you have your upcoming consult. When I encountered secondary infertility I applied for international adoption along with seeking fertility treatment. I ended up being the delighted mother of an Asian Indian daughter and a late in life son (born when I was 43). I am thinking of you and hoping for you.

  2. Your focus on others and your ability to rejoice for the EA mom with a positive test says so much to me about your heart and your character. In the midst of a really difficult time you continue to focus on others. I pray that God would help me to follow your model in this area. I appreciated the honesty in your "I Feel" post. I have experienced those feelings. I am still lifting you and Babe up in prayer. R

  3. Love your heart and how you can express yourself with words! Don't like the journey you are on but enjoy reading about your laughter, sadness, growth and how it has touched others following your story. Hugs and prayers for your dreams to come true.

  4. Remaining hopeful that one day soon your dream of a take home baby will be realized.

  5. I have been following your journey and just wanted to say how sorry I am about this cycle. I definitely remain hopeful that you will find the right combination though.

  6. :((( Such sad news for so many:((((( Many continued prayers for just the right touch from the Father to begin your healing... grief will always be on going of course and will never diminish the pain of having lost so very much but my prayer is that one day there will be "beauty for ashes and joy for mourning" (((hugs)))

  7. I want to tell you what inspiration you are for handling blows with grace and beauty. You have an incredible heart and am so touched that you still manage to come to my blog to wish good wishes my way. You are stronger than I was on most days. You are incredible. *hug*