Monday, May 26, 2014

1st Beta In The Morning

It's finally here. It really does come down this THIS.  Tomorrow, Tuesday at 9:30 am CST I will have my first beta (pregnancy test) for this May transfer.

The local clinic will draw my blood, send it to the lab, and the results will be faxed to NEDC.  I won't get the results from the local clinic, but instead will have to wait till the afternoon to hear the official result.  I'm a little nervous about getting the result from the new NEDC nurse.  So far, I have not been impressed with her.  One of the NEDC mamas that I met in Knoxville had her beta on Friday.  She called the clinic Friday afternoon and found out that the nurse had already left for the day without calling her with the results of her beta.  Can you imagine what it's like waiting for the results and not getting it?

When I was in Knoxville for my transfer I met up with 3 other NEDC mamas that had transfers around the same time, two 2 days before me, and one 2 days after me.  So far, one has been confirmed with a positive pregnancy with a good first beta number.  Two more took HPTs (home pregnancy tests); one is unofficially pregnant, and the other unofficially not pregnant.  50% of us are pregnant so far, so where will I fall in this numbers game?

I am the only one that has not taken a HPT.  I don't plan on taking one unless I find out that I am pregnant, just so I have proof.  Tomorrow, I'm sure NEDC will be super busy with the effects the holiday weekend traffic.  All four of us NEDC May transfer mamas will have our betas tomorrow, three with first betas and one a second beta.

Not much has changed since my post about doubting that I am pregnant.  Ok, maybe I don't feel as low as I did when I wrote the post nor do I feel the impending sense of doom anymore.  I am still not feeling super excited about my beta.  I want to know the result, but also super nervous about the result.

When I wrote the post, I felt not pregnant.  There is a difference between NOT FEELING pregnant, and feeling NOT PREGNANT.  Do you know what I mean?  I felt NOT PREGNANT then, now I am not so sure.  I know pregnancy symptoms or lack of mean nothing this early.

Last night, I spent some time reading my posts from back during my November and January transfers and how the beta numbers played out, reliving the roller coaster of emotions.  It's interesting to see the progression of emotions, of how positive I was in my first transfer, and then how more and more guarded I was/am since.  I am praying with all my heart that I do not have to go through the heartache of another chemical pregnancy.  Though it would be even more crushing if the results came back negative all together.

There is a lot at stake here.  A. LOT.  If this doesn't work, we are done working with NEDC.  We are only allowed 3 tries at NEDC.  I know many people say three times a charm, and know of at least 2 other NEDC mamas that have had success on their third try at NEDC (twins and triplets!).  I feel like I have always been a number, falling on the wrong side of the statistics.  But we shall see how things go tomorrow.  Not sure what our next path will be if this doesn't work.

I have also been thinking a lot of the donor family from this transfers.  We have not had any direct contact with them yet, going through the counselor so far.  We plan to only have communication once there is a pregnancy, and they understand our desire to do so.   I am hoping that this is the family that we will an open relationship with as our family grows.

My beta is in less than 12 hours.  I would appreciate prayers for tomorrow as me and 3 other NEDC mamas get our betas.  I am humbled to know that I have many, many people praying for me, not just for this transfer but also in the past, and have been supporting me for a long while.  So thank you.  


11 comments:

  1. Praying, praying!! Let me know if you need anything tomorrow...a distraction....a coffee date or lunch date, a chat....whatever you need! Much love!

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  2. Prayers headed your way! May you be blessed today & always.

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  3. I have been lifting you up in prayer all weekend. So, so hopeful for you!

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  4. Good luck! Thinking, hoping, praying for you!

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  5. When I re-read your post from your earlier transfers, I was felt the roller coaster of emotions you referred to and I am certainly praying that this cycle is different. I am specifically praying that you would have a very strong beta number and that the numbers would continue to double. You have done everything you can to give those embryos the best chance at life. And you and Babe rescued them from being frozen. R

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  6. Thinking of you and praying for good news!

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  7. praying so much today as we wait for your post (in your own time of course)..... i shared with my own children today as they so very much understand the heartbreak of the loss of a pregnancy and the waiting for good news.... even if it is from a child's perspective and not from a mom's viewpoint. they are sober and hopeful and prayerful for you today. we want so much to see the Lord's blessing in this way for you.... much love and many prayers

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