My period finally arrived last night. Just as I predicted, 4 days after my beta, after all meds were stopped. The same thing happened during the last 2 transfers in November and January. So I was pretty confident it was going to happen again.
I'm not too sure about how to feel about this period. It is most likely going to be the last period that I would have been most likely to have a chance at getting pregnant. I was technically pregnant twice before. But not this cycle. Not this last chance at pregnancy, even with adopted embryos.
I'm feeling a little lost as to what to do with myself.
I catch myself thinking I crave a cup of coffee, but I shouldn't because..... oh, never mind.
I am contemplating if I should even continue taking my prenatal vitamins. Maybe switch to regular multivitamins? Maybe skip it all together? I have been trying to "do the right thing" for so long there is freedom in not having to take vitamins, but at the same time a little unnerving.
I see some cute pants online and think nah... I shouldn't get those just in case I won't fit in them in a few months. Then realize, oh never mind. I won't have a baby belly.
For a while now, I have been reading a lot of articles online about pregnancy, breastfeeding, baby names, parenthood, etc. I still have a great desire and interests in these articles, but I wonder, why bother.
It is a bit confusing right now. Not quite sure where I fit in. I will have a phone consult with Dr. Keenan on Wednesday morning. But until then, we are not making any decisions. It's tempting to start researching other agencies or clinics about embryo adoption/donation programs. I've also contemplated pulling out and filling up the paperwork for traditional adoption.
Being the planner that I am, I want to just jump right in and start planning for our next move, but I know it is still too early. We need to take some time to just BE. To grieve. To be accept and be OK with what has happened. To have worked through our emotions before making any decisions.
So for now, we wait. Again.