I went to a happy hour gathering yesterday because my friend Ro, who also happens to be an ex-colleague of mine, is leaving her job (the company I used to work at before I left due to the stress). In a way, it was nice to see some former colleagues that I have not seen in over a year.
It was fun to see how everyone is doing, and how I am so not missing the workload of my high-stress job. In a way, I miss working and miss hanging out with people I worked with. It's weird how we were able to just pick up on conversations, but also feel like I have missed out on a chunk of people's lives since I have been gone. Also found out that one of the guys that was on my team is going to be a father in October. I'm happy for him though, really. I thought I would feel a pang of jealousy when I heard about it, but I surprised myself when I didn't.
I left my job in January of 2009. So, I knew going into this gathering that I was going to get a lot of "So, what have you been up to?" questions. "Not too much" was my response. Some ask if I've been looking for a job or just taking time off, and I was honest and replied mostly enjoying my time off, and that I did some traveling.
I left my job because of the stress, and I am convinced it was affecting my fertility and TTC efforts. I had tried my first round of IVF overseas in March 2009 after I left, and when that didn't work, we just took some time off TTC fertility treatments (honestly, do we ever quit trying, even if we are officially "not trying") until my last IVF last March.
But I didn't plan so much for the "What do you do all day?" question. Ugh.... how do you answer that? That I spend time writing my IF blog? That I read IF related blogs all day? That I am spending thousand of dollars trying to get knocked up instead of working and making money? That I am running around town to my RE's clinic for ultrasound and so someone can stick a needle in my arm to draw blood? That I am shooting up hormones in my body so I can produce lots of eggs and feel bloated? That I am NOT looking for a job because I am still hoping to have normal quality eggs so we can spend another crap load of money on trying to have a baby? Yeah, that would go really well.
"Not much" was my answer, and that was about it. Couldn't really expand much on that, and it didn't sound too convincing either I'm sure.
In the end, my overall response was, "No I'm not seriously looking yet, but we'll see how long that lasts". That's the truth. It will all depend on the results of our Karotype testing. We should hear in a couple of weeks.
Oh boy, I can relate. I've been a stay-at-home wife for the duration of our TTC/RPL years and I get that question a lot. I always respond that I keep my house clean and still have time for various hobbies. :)
ReplyDeleteTruly, I don't think people realize how much time we have devoted to doctor's visits, surgeries, procedures, etc., never mind recovery time after a loss. I honestly don't know how I could have held down a job all this time, but I'm in awe of those who do it.
Thinking of you as you wait for your test results.
I can totally relate to this. I quit my job last October as a result of combo of IF treatments scheduling interfering with being out of the country every other month (or sometimes every month) and just the stress of it all. I've started to do some consulting and ended up at a conference for both of my clients with all of my old colleagues.
ReplyDeleteEverytime somebody asked me, "so what have you been up to?" I really just wanted to scream, "waking up at 5:30 a.m. to get to a fertility clinic appointment; injecting myself with way too many needles; undergoing lap surgery and, oh yeah, just for kicks, becoming a raving lunatic while on progesterone during the 2ww!"
Alas, my answer was usually more like: having a great time being away from it all and doing a lot of working out, home renovations and seeing my sister's kids!
I do know - and it sounds like this may be true for you too - that quitting my job was the best thing I could do for myself. So I just try to think of that and not think about what other people are thinking of me.
Just tell them you're a lady of leisure. Of course, I'm sure it's not that easy.
ReplyDeleteSounds like you had a good time catching up with your old co-workers and they reminded you how relieved you are that you left that place. Stress plays a huge factor in IF. That's why I had to take a pay cut for a different position because it just wasn't worth it.
Enjoy your weekend!
I think it would've been super funny for you to reply, "Well, I just spend all my time trying to get knocked up, how about you!?!?" Can you imagine the looks you would've gotten? I didn't work for 5 months and heard that constantly, people have no clue what all you can fit into a day, or not for that matter!! And no one knows how much the trying to conceive fills your life!
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