Lots have crossed my mind, but I've just not been motivated to post. I'll get better about this, I promise.
(image from www.incomingthought.com/ images/man_laptop.jpg)
So here's a summary of the last few days.
- My Babe and I went to Easter Service at our church. We were lucky enough to sit with my dear friend E and her family. My 2 1/2 -year-old goddaughter L spent half of the service in my arms and on my lap during the service. It was bittersweet. I love the fact that I get to be around my goddaughter and her 9-month old brother, to hang out and hold them. For them to be excited to see me and want to hang out with me. Yet at the same time I wonder if I would ever hold my own babies in my lap someday.
- We spent Easter lunch at my in-laws. I made grilled leg of lamb and it was a hit. My 2 nieces, 9 and 5 year olds are so funny and cute. My SIL and her hubby have done a wonderful job raising 2 very well behaved and smart kids. I often wonder if my Babe and I will be make great parents like them, and if we will have a chance to teach our kids and pass on our values and traditions.
- I am not worried about if we will become parents. I do worry if we will ever have children that look like us, our own biological children. Maybe this sounds selfish to some, but I would love to have children that I can say yup, he's got his daddy's long legs or musical talents, or she's got her mommy's eyes. Is that too much to wish for?
- After my transfer was cancelled, I went found out using an IVF due date calculator that if the transfer was not cancelled, and if I had a BFP, my baby (if singleton) would have been due on December 9th, 2010. Looks like 2010 will not be the year for a baby for us.
I'm sorry if this and the last few posts seem such downers. I'm just expressing my thoughts, thoughts that are true and which I don't want to forget. I think it's important to honor that.
You shouldn't be sorry about airing your thoughts, this is your blog, we come to hear your story! I understand all of your thoughts about other kids and wondering if we will ever have our own. It's bittersweet. Hang in there chicky. Thinking of ya. :)
ReplyDelete(((hugs)))
ReplyDeleteditto:) we read your blog because we care what you think and feel. air away.....
There is nothing selfish about wanting a biological child. I completely understand that feeling. Isn't that how we are naturally wired?? At some point that feeling may give way to just wanting to be a parent by any means. Until then, you should't feel guilty. You have to do what feels right for you.
ReplyDeleteYou are not being a "downer." I can totally understand (well, not about the transfer...yet) But I know you're going through a valley right now. Just know that others are walking through it with you, and maybe our cycles will coincide next month and it will be a good one for us both! (((Hugs)))
ReplyDeletejust think how cute *bunnies* are vs tigers!! that's how i'm rationalizing a 2011 baby ... i want a bunnie :o)
ReplyDeleteJust recently started following your blog. I'm so sorry to see your IVF cycle got cancelled. How could that not be a huge downer? By the way, from what you've said about the your clinic, I suspect we go to the same one!
ReplyDeleteI truly know what you mean about worrying if we will ever have children that look like us. I believe great things are around the corner for all of us. 2010 is not the year of the baby for us either and I'm happy we can be here together taking care of ourselves in 2010 and getting ready for 2011 to be the year of the baby.
ReplyDeleteIt's definately not selfish to want biological children, I feel the same way. It shouldnt be selfish because so many fertile people get this without even giving it a second thought.
ReplyDeleteI missed the boat for a 2010 baby too. :(
:-(
ReplyDeleteI hear you. you are entitled to grief and feel what you feel.
As said....that's the reason we blog, to express our feelings. If we didn't then there wouldn't be one.
ReplyDeleteDon't feel sorry for the way you are feeling! That's what blogs are for! Our due date is coming up in June if our IVF would have been successful. Its so hard to think about. I guess let's all hope that 2011 will be our baby year! :)
ReplyDeleteI don't think it's wrong for you to want a baby that looks like you and your husband. I think ALL of us want that, not that alternatives aren't wonderful, but I know I'd love a baby that looks like me and my husband.
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