Sunday, June 20, 2010

More (Sucky) Baby News

Guess what?  I'm going to be an aunt again.

Yeah.... isn't it great news...... (hope you noticed the tinge of sarcasm!)

I just found out tonight that Babe's younger brother and his wife are having a baby.  Again.  This will be their second baby.  They already have a little 3-year old girl.

Babe's parents were in town today.  We took them out to dinner in honor of Father's Day tomorrow, and a belated Mother's Day celebration since they were on vacation on mother's day.  We were talking about my sister-in-law, and my mother-in-law accidently mentioned "the baby".  I said, "What baby? She's having a baby?"  "Oops, I guess was I wasn't supposed to say anything yet" said my mother-in-law.

Of course it was a shocker to me!  I just hope that shock did not show through too much!  The only thing I could think of to say was "Congrats, you're going to be grandparents again!"

Of course I'm so happy that my BIL & SIL are having a baby again.  They deserve it.  They had a miscarriage before their daughter was born.  And they are such great people.  I can't wait to meet my next niece or nephew, with blonde hair and blue eyes.

But I can't help but feel the jealousy creeping up again.  I thought we would have a baby before they had a second baby.  They got pregnant with their first when we had been trying for a few years.  Now their little girl is already 3.  Now they are pregnant with baby number 2, and we are STILL trying.

The kicker though is their baby is due mid January.  That means they conceived in April, a month or so after our failed IVF attempt in March.  They beat us to it.  Again.  It would mean we could have been pregnant together.  I was hoping that we would be at least pregnant before they conceived their second child.  Maybe the kids could play together.

With our luck, they will probably have a boy, and they'll be the first to carry on the family last name.  I had hoped that maybe we would be able to do that.

With the exception of Babe's youngest brother who is single and 10 years younger, we are the only ones among his siblings that don't have kids.  Chances are, his youngest brother (I mean his girlfriend) will probably have a baby before we do.

Gosh, I hate feeling this way!  Feeling upset about someone else getting pregnant.  I should be happy for them.  I AM happy for them.  But yet as the same time, I am sad and upset.  I feel left behind as everyone else is moving on with their lives.  It's so unfair.  And I have to pretend that I'm happy.  I feel like such a whiner.  I feel like a bad person.

This really sucks.


  1. I am sorry you were surprised by this news. The same happened to me last year. You are definitely not a bad person...I think these feelings are very normal to have. Sending lots of positive thoughts to you and hoping you will see your bfp soon so you can still be pg together.

  2. I agree with Leslie, these are totally normal feelings. My SIL's pregnancy was so hard for me, I tried so hard to act happy but I know they sensed my jealousy. I hope your family can be understanding of your mixed feelings, being happy for them and sad for yourself. Sending love your way.

  3. This is a really hard place to be. I've been there, it blows.
    I'm sorry it was a surprise at dinner that makes it suck even more.*hugs*

  4. You're just facing your real emotions. No need to feel guilty about it. It's better to let it out than to suppress it and pretend you're not affected. Hang in there...

  5. You are right, it sucks! I've felt all those emotions and understand exactly where you are coming from. It's so hard to be filled with JOY for someone else when your own heart is broken in two.

    Don't feel as if they beat you...its not a race sweet friend. All we care about is reaching that finish line! AND, we are going to reach it :)

    Grrrr! I hate this for you, but if it makes you feel any better, I'm holding my breath that my Bro and SIL will make another announcement soon. My Mother felt compelled to tell me they were "trying again". *sigh*

    Take care of yourself and know that I send you strength.


  6. Any baby announcement brings on those feelings of jealousy. That doesn't mean you're not happy for your SIL. The jealous feelings will wear off and you will be able to enjoy your new niece/nephew.

  7. I'm seconding what everyone said above, its only natural to have those feelings of jealousy. I'm sorry you had to go through that :(

  8. I found out about a friend of mine today being pregnant and it felt like I was kicked in the gut. So, I get it, and I guess it's normal, but I'm like you...I hate feeling this way! It sucks!! I just want to be pregnant and have a living baby!

  9. It is the reality of the world that we live in...I hate the feeling and I'm tired of being the "couple without". Hopefully one day, we will be the most rejoiced pregnancy announcement! HA!

  10. Going through infertility I separated myself into two different people, Me before TTC and Me TTC. When My SIL told me about their upcoming baby I just cried. She knew what I was going through and cried with me. I just kept telling her that the real me was so excited and happy for her, but the current me was sad and heartbroken. She completely understood and that helped me cope and get excited for the my nephew. I pray that your family is as understanding as mine.

  11. I agree that these feelings are normal. I live in fear of when my BIL and SIL announce that they are KU again. GL!