Wednesday, June 2, 2010

Back to Work?

Many of you already know that I am currently not working.  I have not been working since January 2009.  That's about 17 months of being unemployed.  I have been unemployed by choice, I chose to leave my last job because it was way too stressful, and my life had been all about work.  I was working everyday, sometimes 10 to 12 hour days.  It was taking a toll on my life - mental, physical, emotional and spiritual.

So, I quit my job.  I spent a few months visiting family overseas.  I also did one round of IVF overseas - I didn't get pregnant.  After I got back, I was not ready to go back to work.  I wanted to take some more time off, hoping that being relaxed from not working would maybe help me conceive naturally.  I made a trip to Hawaii.  I visited a friend in Indiana.  Babe decided it was time to try IVF again.  I started blogging.  The whole time I was not working.

During this time, I did not look for a job, but I did interview for a job that was 5 miles from home.   I hated my commute in the past!  So, it was so tempting because it was so close.  The interview was a rush, just a day before I left for my Hawaii trip.  I was not ready to go back to work, but a recruiter had contacted me about this position with a great company.  It was tempting, but it didn't work out.  I'm glad it didn't because  it wasn't a good fit.

In the last few months, I have been contacted by another recruiter, Linda.  I never called her back because I was/am not ready to go back.  Due to a couple of remarkable coincidences (divine appointments?), I found out that a former colleague of mine had worked with Linda and had just started with Company C.  He absolutely loves it there and highly recommended working with Linda.  My friend Ro, also worked with Linda for a position there, though she ended up accepting a position with another company.

All this to say that I am considering going back to work.

Am I 100% ready to go back to work?  Not really.

With another round of IVF coming up in July, of course I am hoping this round works.  What happens if I do get pregnant?  What if I am offered a job?

The other big thing is I absolutely HATE, HATE, HATE interviewing for jobs!!  I can't stand it.  I hate "selling myself".  It stresses me out!  I have not been working for the last 17 months!  I don't remember much technical terms off the top of my head!  I'm going to need a lot of prep!

Did I mention I  hate interviewing for jobs?

I know that I am was/will be good at my job (I am in IT, information technology), I have been told by my past colleagues and people I worked with, so I am confident in that sense.  But to actually interview for a job, ugh... that scares the bejeezus out of me!

How do I interview for a job after not working for 17 months?

I had questioned myself, is this a good time to start looking for a job?  Here's some for and against arguments:

  • There is a chance that Babe may get laid off in the next few months.  It may take him some time to find another job.
  • If this next round of IVF does not work, we may have to start looking into adoption.  Having a job will help us save money for adoption.  Plus, it is likely that there will be some form of adoption assistance offered by the company.
  • A new company may include new infertility coverage, but would I really want to consider further treatments?
  • The market is starting to look better in my field.  It is not often that recruiters will call you up for jobs.  There are one or two jobs that may be "perfect" for me (not sure if I am perfect for them though).  The company is looking to fill the positions NOW.
  • This company that I am looking into applying at is a large multi-national corporation with great benefits and potential career advancements.  They even have bonuses!
  • I am grateful that I am able to take some time off from working (most people can't), but I also feel that if I am not going to get pregnant soon, I should go back to work.

  • Will this job search/interview stress me out?  I foresee the interviews (if any) will happen within the next couple of weeks.  How will this impact my IVF cycle?
  • IF I get hired and IVF works, what then?  Do I continue to work with such a precious cargo (pregnancy)?  I know lots of people work while pregnant, but I worked so hard for this pregnancy!  Starting a new job and being newly pregnant is not a good combo.  Or would I choose to stay home?
  • This job could possibly include a lot of travel.  IF I am pregnant, would I want to do that?

I talked with Linda again today.  I will be working on my resume, I hope to submit it to her by tomorrow or Friday.

If God is opening doors for me for a job, I shouldn't be ignoring them.  I don't want to close a door that God is opening for me.  If getting a job with this company is not in His plan, then it would not work out anyway.

I am going to trust that God is faithful and I will walk in the path that he lays out for me.


  1. I say go for it. It will be some work to get back into it, but since you know you will be great at the job, try to focus on that rather than the stress of the interview. I hate interviews too and the idea of selling yourself. Ugh.

    But I also realized that we can't live our life with a maybe or a "when I get pregnant" in all our sentences b/c life doesn't work out the way we plan.

  2. Looking at the number of arguments you have under "for" vs "against", it looks only logical that you take a shot at the job. Apart from all the financial benefits, the job could also be a good distraction for you from all the IF stress, especially if you enjoy your new job. It can also be a boost to your morale knowing that you're being productive and good at what you do, instead of letting the failures of TTC consume your life.

    I for one, don't think that any woman's life should be defined by her inability to have children. I think we should live our lives to the fullest instead of hanging around waiting for that child that may or may not come into our lives. Of course it doesn't have to be a life of employment. If you can afford not to work, heck, why not?!!! Regarding the job, you can also consider working under a probationary period - if it doesn't work out, you can always QUIT!

  3. I didn't work for a few months. I was like you, what if? what if? what if? But I will say, having the best job ever now (and I am beyond blessed and thank God all the time!), that it is such a good thing for me (I say for me as we are all different). On the same hand, I don't think any woman should feel like just because she doesn't have kids that she should work. If you were getting pregnant easily, no one would question your desire to stay home, and that to me is wrong.

    I'll be praying for clarity for you, for a billboard sign from God to show you His will (I pray for billboard signs because I'm often too loud to hear a whisper (;, so hope it help you!).

  4. There have been many times when I ignored the road signs of life and chose to make my own path and I have found that it is much easier and worth while to follow life's road signs. Once I stopped dragging my feet and making my own routes, my life took a drastic change and everything made so much sense! Give it a try!

  5. I think it is wonderful that these opportunities are opening up for you. I'm in a situation where I can't find work in my field and am working part-time in retail and I'd be overjoyed if a headhunter contacted me. I say give it a shot. What is it that they say? Life happens when you're busy making plans? Well, I think that is true to a point. You have nothing to lose and much to gain!

  6. I agree with the other ladies -- go for it! What have you got to lose? If it's meant to happen, it will happen and things will work out for the best.

    Good luck!!

  7. Oh....I understand how hard this must be for you. I DID work while going through our IVF with Matthew, and up until about 33 weeks (though I teach, so I had 2 months off in the middle) and was ok with it...but that was before.

    Obviously, my life is very, very different than I thought it would be, so it was just not the time to go back. And...knowing how precious every second of any pregnancy we are blessed with is, we just decided it's better for me to not go back and not have any of the 'what if' regrets.

    But it's hard because extra money (not to mention taking some burden off of John) certainly can't hurt since we've had so many expenses...not to mention that distraction IS a good thing.

    It's just hard, and I hate it for you....but I have to say that if you feel that recruiters don't often call with these opportunities that perhaps God is opening some doors for you and at least encouraging you to pursue them? I've learned to look at things in worst-case perspective--worst case perspective---you get the job, you get pregnant, you feel it's too stressful or you want to just have an easy pregnancy and you leave. I know that's not optimal or what you'd like to enter a new job feeling, but in the big scheme of things, it certainly isn't the worst thing in the world and you just have to make decisions as they come that you feel are best for you.

    Praying for your discernment!!!