Saturday, May 8, 2010

Mother's Day & A Giveaway

Mother's Day is right at our doorsteps again.  This is a tough day for us dealing with infertility.  What do you do when you yearn to be a mother and Mother's Day just reminds you of something you want so badly, but cannot seem to have? (hint: I'm doing a giveaway!)

I hope you are able to celebrate this day with your mom.  Growing up, I always knew moms were special and I celebrated Mother's Day with excitement.  But as a grown up, I really appreciate how special moms really are, the sacrifices they make, the lessons they teach us, the love they give.

But for us dealing with infertility, Mother's Day can be so hard to handle.  Seeing how special moms are treated, all the flowers, gifts, special brunches, etc.  We want so much to be able to celebrate this day, not  because we want the gifts or the special treatment.  But because we so yearn to be mothers ourselves.  It's just another reminder of what we want so badly, but can't have.

I remember growing up, my old church would celebrate Mother's Day by acknowledging all mothers by having them stand up at the service.  And all mothers received either a flower or a corsage.  Thankfully the church we go to now doesn't do that or it would be too hard for me to attend church on Mother's Day.

My mom lives on the other side of the world, so I will not be able to celebrate with her.  Usually we celebrate Mother's Day with my mother-in-law, but this year, she and my FIL is on vacation in Hawaii.  So instead, we are going to have dinner with my Babe's 90-year-old grandma.

Will you be celebrating Mother's Day?  How?

Do I have a right to celebrate Mother's Day if I have lost embryos, but no baby?  I'd love to, but I would feel like a fraud, an imposter.  Wouldn't you?

What about those of you that have lost babies to miscarriages?  Do you celebrate?

Giveaway!
I'm doing a giveaway in honor of Mother's Day!  I suspect that many of us will be celebrating our mothers, but not not ourselves, even though we would LOVE to be mothers.   I won't be getting any gifts this Mother's Day, but I am going to bless someone else instead.

A couple of weeks ago, I posted about pomegranates being a symbol of fertility and prosperity.  Inspired by some of the comments I received, I'm giving away a pair of pomegranate earrings.


There earrings are handmade my me.  They are simple but very pretty, though the pictures did not turn out too well.  The pomegranate charms are sterling silver and includes a pair of purple sparkly crystals and glass beads.  My goal is to bless someone with this pair of earring.  Hopefully it can bring you some luck, some "baby dust", if you will.  If nothing else I hope it can be a great conversation piece when someone says "Oh, what kind of earrings are those?".

It's really simple to participate in this giveaway.  You don't have to be a follower or tweet or anything.   Just answer this question in the comments section:  What is the one thing you would like your non-infertile friends to know about infertility or baby loss?  

That's it.  It's that simple.

The giveaway is open to everyone.  I will ship overseas if needed.  The giveaway will close at 11:59 p.m. CST Tuesday, May 11th.  The winner will be randomly selected by my Babe, and will be contacted on Thursday, May 13th.

I can't wait to hear your comments!  Good luck!

Happy Mother's Day!  Make sure to give your mom or MIL an extra special hug!

13 comments:

  1. The one thing I would like my non-infertile friends to know about baby loss: The pain doesn't go away, we never forget and we don't just "get over it".

    As for having miscarried a baby and celebrating Mother's Day, I lost Christian just 3 days before Mother's Day. I celebrate "him" and have just honored his 1st Heavenly Day, as his life "has" meaning, just as the lives of your embies have meaning. They were created by God's image :) Now on to the celebrating Mother's Day, no, I don't celebrate openly, BUT I know in my heart that I AM a Mother...and I always will be.

    Enjoy "Granny" and celebrate her!

    Much Love and I'm keeping my fingers crossed that I'm lucky enough to get those beautiful earrings :) LOL How thoughtful of you to make them and want to share them.

    Many Hugs,
    xoxo
    Andrea

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  2. The one thing is...that I love their kids it's just really hard to be around them sometimes.

    Beautiful Earrings!

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  3. For Mother's Day, my church actually gives out flowers to ALL the women, which is very nice.
    Even though I do have living children, I do notice all the little things people say and do (usually unintentionally) that minimize women who despite heroic efforts don't have a living child.

    What I'd like fertile friends to understand about infertility: People tend to get hung about about the medical side of it - the shots, the surgeries, the diagnoses. I find myself explaining it again and again, but that's NOT the difficult part. It's the uncertainty, the lack of control, the toll on our marriage, knowing the size of your family may be determined just by money, the isolation, and the "what ifs" that are so difficult. All the medical procedures are easy in comparison.

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  4. Gorgeous earrings! The one thing I want people to know is that infertility is a lot harder than you think it is! It's not easy as relax, don't stress, go on vacation...its an up hill battle, so many ifs...something I would never wish on my worst enemy!

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  5. first of all, i'd like to say : YOU ARE A MOM! those embryos were life that came from your body. created by you and your babe..... maybe they "only" lived in a lab and did not get to transfer to your body.... but they were LIVES that were made by and because of YOU :))))))

    in my mind, you are a special mom indeed. you have every right to celebrate mother's day AS A MOTHER! xoxoox

    i for one, will be a very sad mommy tomorrow because i DO have precious amazing beloved living children. and because of that one fact, my other four dead ones will not be acknowledged- and will even be scoffed at by some- tomorrow. i held in my arms and then buried amidst tears a precious baby girl 9 months ago on tuesday and i'm not even allowed to be sad anymore......

    that is what my heart screams to my friends and family that have never walked in my shoes. cherishing my living children (and I DO!) does not change the fact the i miss or fix the pain that i feel when i think of the children that i cannot hold. one child does not replace the other. i don't think that came out right.... missing my dead children doesn't mean i love my living ones less. loving my living children does not mean i don't miss my dead ones. ??? still don't think it came out right... sigh... my heart is just too broken to communicate i guess. :(

    all children are precious. no matter how brief-or long- their life.

    tomorrow is bittersweet.
    (((hugs)))

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  6. I personally think there is nothing fraudulant about you celebrating Mothers Day. I can remember how hard Mothers Day was before I had my son. Thinking back now, I realize that at the time that I needed the most kindness and understanding- I gave myself the least of it. So try to remember that for all the hopes and dreams you have for your unborn child, for all that you endure physically and emotionally just for the opportunity to raise a wonderful child and be an incredible mother- you deserve to celebrate Mothers Day. Take the day to honor yourself, your spirit, and your strength.

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  7. Mothers Day is filled with mix emotion for me.

    With my own mother, I'm sad that she is not able to see the positive things about life. I'm sad that while others are able to share the simple joy with their mother, mine is a whole nother story!

    As I look at my 9 mth old this morning, I can't help but feel blessed to have finally be able to celebrate mothers day. However, I am also sad about my other one who didn't make it 7 years ago.The one we lost a week shy of mothers day.

    For those of us who have walked down the path of infertility and those who are still in this journey, this is a tough day. For you, A...I hope your dream will soon come true. Hope that you and your babe will one day have your own to celebrate with.

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  8. Great post!

    I would want my fertile friends to know that I need them in my life now more than ever, as a listening ear, as a shoulder to cry on, as a friend. I may not want to hear about their kids/pregnancy/labor and delivery, but I do still want to be their friend.

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  9. I want all my fertile friends to know that, no matter what, they cannot ever "understand". Nothing I could tell them, nothing I could ever share could make that happen, and the truth is, if they knew how frustrating, how heartbreaking, how confusing and disappointing infertility is, they'd wish for a time when the *didn't* understand. I don't begrudge them their lives of never knowing infertility. I wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy, let alone my friends. So when I suffer a crushing blow or another setback on our road to parenthood, I don't want them to say, "I understand". What I want them to say is, "I'm so sorry. What can I do?", even if the answer is simply, "Nothing, but thank you for asking."

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  10. Please acknowledge the fact that my child died and it is a huge loss. Just because my child never got to live outside of my womb doesn't mean that my child "didn't count." I lost a child. Babies and children are not interchangeable. If I am lucky enough to have a baby who lives and grows up that will still not mean that I have forgotten my baby who died.

    For God's sake, stop telling me that "I can just adopt." I want a child who is a part of my DH and me. And if adoption is so gosh darn wonderful, why the heck haven't you done it?

    Don't say things like "I could never do IVF." You can't possibly know what you would do or not do until you are actually in that situation yourself.

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  11. Great post!

    I would like to tell others that this changes you forever. Infertility makes you see the world in a different light, and some things are so much better, as I believe I'm more aware, more cautious in my words, more forgiving, but I'm also more bitter, more jealous, more sad. Obviously anyone can see which of the things I've gained I would like to keep and which I would love to let go, but this is a daily battle. So days I win, some days I lose, but everyday since the loss of my first child, no, since the first visit to the RE, I've been a different person. My faith has grown infinitely, but it's also been tested beyond what I thought it could bear. I'm so glad God is so much bigger than me and doesn't give up on me when I want to walk away from Him.

    I'm different, and mostly I'm different because I became someone who really, heart and soul, with all my might wants to be a mother.

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  12. The one thing I want my non-fertile friends to know is what to say and what not to say to infertile people like me. If I had the kind of support from my real-life friends as I do from my bloggie friends then this whole crappy situation would be alot easier to handle!

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  13. I missed the deadline, but I am posting anyway, hoping maybe you won't notice. :)

    I have no idea if I am fertile or not. But my friend "N" is not - she has gone through hell and back trying to conceive - clomid, IUI, IVF and now might be considering adoption. She still has a frozen embryo left that they are going to try with next month and I would LOVE to give her these earings...the more luck, the better.

    I know I will never understand her pain, but I can understand what being a good friend is all about. It's about listening and doing what you can to make it better.

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