Monday, May 10, 2010

How I Spent Mother's Day

First of all, don't forget my Mother's Day giveaway!  If you have not already done so, make sure to participate.  It ends on Tuesday night!

How I spent Mother's Day.....

Well I woke up thinking, ugh.... I don't want to get up!  It's freezing out there!  And I snuggled deeper into my sleeping bag.

Yup, I did say sleeping bag!  Oh, didn't I mention that I was camping last weekend?  In the cold, wet and almost freezing weather?  Crazy, I know!

Yeah, Babe and his friend, Buddy decided that they we should go camping this month.  It was supposed to be for the 3rd weekend of May, but Buddy changed it last minute to this weekend, which happened to be Mother's Day.  And it was cold!  He didn't even have any idea that it was Mother's Day.

We camped at a state park next to a river, which was pretty nice, but somehow picked one of the coldest and wettest weekend this spring.  Thankfully it was only for one night.  We spent Saturday cooking by the fire, walking along the trails by the St. Croix river, drinking hot chocolate and just hanging out (and warming up)  by the fire.  Did I mention it was cold?  We could see our breaths the whole time we were there!

The benefit of camping on Mother's Day weekend was not having to witness the festivities that goes along with this day.  No need to see mothers with flowers pinned on their shirts, or people dressed up to go to church or Sunday brunches, and mothers (and dads) showing off gifts received from their kids.  These are all wonderful things, just not something I'm up for at this moment.

Buddy was cooking us bacon and eggs over the fire on Sunday morning when I asked what he was planning for his wife to celebrate Mother's Day.  "Oh I guess she will have to wait till J (their 3-year-old daughter) is older and she can celebrate it with her (Buddy's wife)".  

What??  It never crossed Buddy's mind to celebrate Mother's Day with his wife.  In his mind, he would celebrate his mom, and it would be his daughter's responsibility to celebrate his wife.  I was outraged!  He didn't even think his wife was worth celebrating Mother's Day?

Without coming off as a raving lunatic (which took a lot of self control and effort), I said, "Don't you think you should get your wife a gift or celebrate on behalf of J?  She's only (almost) 3, so you should help her celebrate it."  He didn't seem too convinced, so I added "You know, she IS the mother of your child!!  That should mean something, right?"

He looked at me and said, "You know, you might me right.  I'll think about it".  I'm not sure if he did anything about it, but I sure hope he did.  How can you not appreciate your wife, the mother of your child on Mother's Day?  I'm going to have to check with his wife to see if he actually did anything to celebrate with his wife.  How clueless can he be?

Driving to the state park on Saturday, I was thinking about Mother's Day, whether I had a right to celebrate it.  So I cautiously asked Babe if he thought I deserved to celebrate Mother's Day.  He had a frown and said, "It doesn't make sense.  If we had children then yeah, you should celebrate it.  But we don't"  

I was pretty upset.  I know it totally made sense.  Technically, we have no children, but what about all the embryos that didn't make it.  I guess they don't matter?  I suppose they weren't babies, or fetuses even.  Yes, technically I am not a mother. 

But still it hurt.  I wanted him to be more understanding, to be more sensitive to all the hurts and pains and feelings of loss that we (or maybe just me?) had gone through.  For him to say, I know this is hard, but maybe we can just have ice cream instead, of go for a movie, or have a drink, or something.  To give me a hug (OK, so he was driving).  Something for him to at least acknowledge Mother's Day, as something I really yearn to celebrate, but can't.  It was too hard for me to even think about fighting about this.  So I let it slide.

Maybe not thinking about us celebrating Mother's Day is his way of dealing?  I don't know.


  1. Oddly enough, I never even thought about celebrating Mother's Day because I'm not a mother, but I can understand where you're coming from. I, too, just recently had an unsuccessful IVF. I guess DH and I never thought that our embryos made us parents.

    I agree with you that husbands should help celebrate Mother's Day. Being the Mother of your child is as important as being your actual mother and deserves as much respect and love!

  2. I remember you mentioning Buddy before and he seemed like a bit of a strange man.. now he seems like he is from another planet! Who doesn't think about giving cards on behalf of their kids for Mother's Day or Christmas.. etc!! I am sorry about Babe's reaction to your feeling.. I find that men are more "matter of fact" than women. So in his eyes he probably thought that you should not celebrate as you don't have children yet. I am not trying to defend him here but from what D always tells me... men are not as complex as women. I am sure if you explained how you felt his reaction might have been different but get a man to see our prospective without spelling it out can be difficult! Thinking of you xx

  3. I'm sorry Babe didn't come with a better response. Sometimes mine is like that and I just have to look at him like he's crazy! Men think so differently, that's why you have us!! I think you deserve to celebrate, your heart is already a mother's heart! Sending you love sweet A!!!!

  4. (((hugs))) i guess i see it different. i see your embryos as children. i see you as a mother.

    to me, my miscarried babies were babies. my children. when i get to heaven... they will have faces and smiles and i will hug them forEVER! :) i think you will have that same chance.

    maybe i'm odd (i don't mean to offend anyone)but i think you have every right to wear a flower if you want to. to me, it's the love that counts and you have LOTS of love.....

  5. Hugs to you. My husband didn't acknowledge me on Mother's Day either. I was devastated, to say the least. But, in turn, I went shopping and spent ALOT of money on myself, so the weekend wasn't a total loss. ha. I sometimes wish they had a switch we could flip to make them think and feel like a woman for just one second. Hoping you have a great week! Amy