Tuesday, March 30, 2010


Sorry I've been quiet for the last few days.  Not too much to update.  Still waiting for the RE to get back from vacation next week and see if I can get in to see her earlier.

Since my transfer got cancelled (would have been last Wednesday), I have now heard of at least 3 confirmed pregnancies of fellow bloggers and ladies from the Baby Center groups.  I'm ecstatic for them but sad for myself.  Sometimes I worry that my day may never come.

I have been thinking though.  How does one grieve over the loss of a canceled IVF transfer?

I've grieved my BFN from my first IVF.   But how do you grieve the loss of embryos that stopped growing?  These embryos died.  These embryos were babies.

I realize it's probably not the same as someone who's miscarried a baby, one with a confirmed pregnancy.  I can't even fathom what that would be like since I've never had a BFP in my life.  Or someone whose baby died suddenly during pregnancy.  I found out just a couple of years ago that my mom actually lost a baby at 8 months.  I can't even imagine what she went through.  It was her first baby.

Compared to those, losing my 2 embryos at 2-cell and 4-cell seem so insignificant.  But it is still a loss.  How do you grieve over something like that?

Yes, my embryo transfer was canceled, but does it mean it is less of a loss?  My embryos did die.

My last IVF cycle, I had 8 eggs that fertilized, but only 2 that made it to day-5 transfer.  I never thought about those other 6 embryos that did not make it.  I only grieved my BFN.  I guess it never occurred to me to grieve over those, just my BFN.

So, what do you think?  How do you think I should handle this loss?  If you've had an embryo transfer that got canceled, how did you handle the loss?  Did you grieve over it?

On another note, I took my last dose of Endome.trin tonight.  Looking forward to not having anymore side effects from that, or the reminder of my canceled transfer.  On the other hand, I have a feeling my fuller b00bs will now shrink back to their normal smallish size.  The bigger b00bs, that I will miss.

Saturday, March 27, 2010


I was prescribed Endome.trin, a vaginal suppository instead of PIO (progesterone in oil) shots this cycle.  This is used to prepare the uterine lining to nourish and support a fertilized egg after egg retrieval during an IVF cycle.
(image from http://www.ferringfertility.com/medications/endometrin/)

I am grateful for Endome.trin instead of PIO.  But I was directed by the doctor to continue to use this even though my transfer was cancelled.  According the nurse, they want my body to continue mimicking the luteal phase.  I am to continue for a total of 10 days then stop.  I should expect AF a 3 to 5 days after that.

Endome.trin can be messy, but nothing a panty liner cannot fix.  But it can be a real pain, literally.  I've had daily uterine cramps, sometimes mild, but other times intense.  I've also felt cramps like I'm severely constipated, but I'm not.  It feels the worst in the mornings when I first wake up, and I feel the intense need to pee first thing in the morning.  I've already been woken up in the middle of the night with these cramps more than once.  These are normal side effects of Endo.metrin.  During my last IVF cycle, I used Crino.ne gel instead, which is had some side effects, but I don't remember it being like this.

I can handle all these side effects.  The physical discomfort is no big deal.

The kicker about this though is that thanks to these side effects, I am reminded daily and constantly that my transfer was cancelled.  That I should be PUPO (pregnant until proven otherwise), that I should be in my 2WW.  Instead, I am waiting to hear if I can see my RE before May 5th.  And yet, I have to experience these side effects.

Thankfully, I only have a few days left to take it.  My last dose will be on Tuesday..... please come soon.

On a positive note, I am feeling better.  I have not cried in bed the last couple of nights now.

Friday, March 26, 2010

Apologies To Fellow ICLWers

I need to apologize to my fellow ICLWers.

I have not been keeping up with my end of commenting for ICLW because, well..... because I have not been feeling up to it.  I have no other excuse.

When I wrote my ICLW post for this month, I was so optimistic about this cycle.  We has such high hopes.  Well, things did not work out as we had hoped (please read the posts from the last few days starting from March 21st if you need to catch up on what happened).

It has been hard for me to comment on everyone's blogs, plus I'm still trying to catch up on everyone's postings.

Thank you for leaving all the wonderful comments, especially those who are visiting from ICLW.  Hopefully, things I will do better next month.

Doing Something for Someone Else

My church puts on a wonderful Easter production every year.  The Thursday night before the shows start for the general public, the church has an Outreach Night.  Free tickets are given out to those that cannot afford to pay for the tickets.  The church also puts on a free dinner for the those who are disadvantaged and in need during this night.   Invitations were sent  to various non-profit organizations around the Twin Cities, organizations like shelters for the homeless, addiction recovery groups, women's shelters, etc.  There were about 600 people there.  These guests and their families come for a free dinner and then get to experience an awesome Easter production, a dinner theater experience.  Many of the guests at the dinner may only eat once day, or not at all.  It was a wonderful way to show some love to those who are in need.

Last night, I volunteered to help with the dinner.  I did various roles: I played host, showed people to their tables, helped a little old lady with her meal, served milk to the kids, cleared tables, refilled water jugs, served cookies, just about whatever that needed to be done.  Then after the guests left, we all helped to clean up.  I stuck around to help the catering crew set up tables for the next day's dinner.  I learned how to set up a table cloth the right way (there is a right way!), set a place setting, and stuff coffee mugs with  napkins for decoration.  I never realized how much details there are to set up according to banquet standards.  I was pooped out by the end of the night.  But it felt good.

It felt good to do something for someone else, some stranger even.  After being so focused on this IVF cycle, it was nice to think of someone else instead of myself.  It also makes me realize that I am so blest, to have a home, a full tummy every night, a wonderful husband, and numerous things I take for granted.

Thursday, March 25, 2010


I'm coping.

I've gotten used to the idea that this cycle was cancelled.  Wait, is it considered cancelled, if everything went well until egg retrieval and then your embryos don't make it?  I don't know.  I guess it doesn't really matter.

People ask me how I'm doing and I am doing OK.  I really do feel OK.  I'm fine if I do not think about the disappointment of this cycle.  That's easy to do as I keep myself busy during the day.  I read blogs or emails, write posts, watch shows on hulu.com, etc.

Bedtime though is tougher.  I crawl into bed and lay down my head, it's quiet all around me.  My Babe may or may not be already asleep.  It surprises me how fast and intense the sadness hits me and I start crying.  I just can't help it.  The tears come even when I will myself not to think about it.  Maybe it's my body's way of releasing all the pent up disappointments from the day.

It's getting better though.  I cried only for a brief moment and fell asleep much faster last night.  It will get better.  It already has.  Soon, I will be able to fall asleep without crying.

Again, I am humbled by all the comments, prayers and well wishes I've received in the last couple of days. Thank you for your support through this time.  I also received a comment from a gal on my journal on Baby Center  (which is automatically imported from this blog) that the cycle before she conceived her daughter, she had zero fertilization on all of her 8 eggs, even with ICSI.  She was told that the only way she could get pregnant was with donor eggs.  She switched REs, protocols and got pregnant.  This gives me much hope!  Thanks, katie2424!

Wednesday, March 24, 2010

My Aunt Jane Knows More Than My RE

Mel, also known as the Stirrup Queen (come on, who doesn't know Mel!)  posted something on her blog today that put a smile on my face.  I thought I'd share it with you (with her permission, of course).

Mel and her husband Josh put this film together 3 years ago, and this was the first time I've seen it.  It pretty funny. I think we ALL know at least one or two "Aunt Janes" in our lives!

Then check out her post called "Aunt Jean and Her Terrible Advice" to see what other advice commenters have added.

Thanks Mel for putting a smile on my face today.



Today would have been my embryo transfer day.

Today I would have been PUPO - pregnant until proven otherwise, a term used for women waiting to find out if their IVF cycle worked.

Today, I would have been on bedrest, relaxing, laying around on our bed or the couch reading, watching movies, or catching up on people's blogs.

Instead, today the lab called to confirm what we already know, that my only 2 embryos have arrested.

Because Dr. Hopeful is currently on vacation, one of her partners, Dr. K called today to follow-up with me.  There wasn't too much more information he could offer me from this cycle.  I will need to follow up with Dr. Hopeful when she gets back from vacation on April 5th.  I will have to leave all my questions I have until I see her face-to-face.

Of course the first available appointment to see her is over a month away on May 5th.  But the receptionist said she would leave a message for Dr. Hopeful and they will try to squeeze me in as soon as possible.   More waiting ahead.

Also, I was told to continue my Endome.trin suppositories for a total of 10 days.  Then I should expect AF to show up within 3 to 5 days of stopping.  Just in time for Easter.  Great.  Such a waste of meds  and effort for nothing.

My sister reminded me last night that around this time a year ago we had been dealing with the disappointment of the BFN from my first IVF.  I looked back at last year's calendar.

March 19th 2009, I found out that we had a BFN from my first IVF.

March 19th 2010, I had my egg retrieval for my second IVF.  It was also the day I found out we could retrieve eggs from the left ovary only.  From there on, things kept going downhill.

I know this may sound silly, but I want to remember today.

Today, March 24th 2010, would have been the day we transfered my embryos back.  It is not to be.

But I want to remember today anyways.  I don't want to forget.

Tuesday, March 23, 2010

Embryos Update

Got the call from the embryology lab today.

Unfortunately, no miracle for me.

It looks like Little Embie and Tiny are arresting.  Today, Little Embie has only grown from 3 cells to 4.  Tiny on the other hand has not grown, and has stayed at 2 cells.  They are in a stage where they should have been 3 days ago.

The lab will continue to monitor the embies one final day, but not beyond that.  I'm almost certain there won't be a transfer for us.  They will call again tomorrow morning with a final report and next steps.

Obviously, I am terribly disappointed with where we are right now.  I was feeling OK about it this morning until I told my Babe the news over the phone.  Then I broke down crying.

However, I am feeling a peace about this.  It doesn't mean that I'm not sad or disappointed about this.  I'm sure I'll be envious of other IVFers that make it to transfers, BFPS or birth announcements.  These are emotions I just can't help feeling, but I know that things will turn out OK.  I continue to hang on to the promise that God has plans for my Babe and I, plans to prosper us, and not to harm us.  Plans to give us hope and a future (Jeremiah 29:11).

I have to remember that faith and feelings are not the same thing.

Thank you all for the amazing outpouring of prayers and well wishes.  You guys are amazing.  I have never received such a huge response my posts as the last couple of days'.  I will continue to post, so I hope you will continue to walk this journey with me.  We'll see where this takes us.

Monday, March 22, 2010

Fertilization Update 3/22

First of all, I want to thank everyone that has left me all those wonderful comments from yesterday's post.  I am humbled that so many of you have prayed or have offered to keep praying for me through these few days.  This has been the hardest few days for me, even worse than the dreaded 2 week wait.  Thank you from the bottom of my heart.

I called the clinic today and talked to a nurse.  It sounds like the doctors normally do a day-3 or day-5 transfer only.  Plus I realized last night that today would already be day-3.  I asked the nurse if the doctor would do day 4 transfers, and the answer is no.   They try leave the embryos alone as much as possible to give the embryos a chance to grow as much as possible without disturbance.  The nurse said she would talk to the doctor or the lab and see what she can find out.

Well Teresa, the nurse from the embryology lab just called me back.  I have bad news and possibly good news.

The bad news:  It looks like Little Embie have not grown since yesterday.  It was at a 3 blast stage yesterday, and it is still at 3 today.  I am saddened by this, but they will continue to monitor closely.

The (possibly) good news:  It looks like an egg that did not fertilize yesterday seems to have fertilized today.  It now has 2 cells.  It is a day late and is slower in growth.  I am naming him/her Tiny.  This give me new hope!

Teresa was telling me that this is really weird, that an egg would fertilized this late.  It is not something they see every day.  I'd like to think of it as a miracle!  They will continue to monitor the embryos closely.  Teresa even gave me the number to the direct line of the embryology lab so I can call tomorrow if I wanted to.

I am feeling a mixture of emotions right now.  Disappointed that Little Embie possibly did not make it, and hope that Tiny may now be in the picture.

So now we wait some more.  The clinic will call me tomorrow with more information, about what time the transfer will be on Wednesday, or if the transfer will be cancelled.  Obviously, I'm hoping that both Little Embie and Tiny makes it tomorrow, and we would be able to continue with a transfer on Wednesday.

Please continue to pray that both Little Embie and Tiny will continue to multiply and grow strong and healthy.

I so want these embies back inside me!

Sunday, March 21, 2010

Fertilization Report

The nurse from the embryology lab called this morning.  Out of the 8 eggs retrieved,  6 were mature.  Only 1 fertilized.


I'm disappointed.  I would be lying if I said I'm OK with the outcome.  I am quite shocked that only 1 of the 6 fertilized.  That is a 16.7% fertilization rate.

At my last IVF, we retrieved 12 eggs, and out of those, 8 were fertilized.  That was a 66.7% fertilization rate.  From that I only had 2 that made it to day-5 blastocysts.  Both were transfered, and we had none to freeze.  I got a BFN.

If I had 8 embies at my last IVF, and only 2 survived to day 5, what are the chances of 1 making it this time?

I still have hope that this one embie will make it.  It just has to.  I remember the story I read on the BabyCenter boards about the Golden Egg, where if I remember it right, this lady only had one egg retrieved, and it fertilized.  It was a so-so quality embryo, but it made it to transfer and she delivered a beautiful baby.  So it only takes one!

Will this embie be a Golden Embie?  I am hopeful.  But to be honest, I'm not too optimistic about it.

But yet, I continue to put my faith in God, and hang on to my favorite Bible verse that have given me strength over the last few years.

Jeremiah 29:11 (NIV)
"For I know the plans I have for you", declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future".

So I continue to hang on to the promise that God has plans for my Babe and I, plans to prosper us, and not to harm us.  Plans to give us hope and a future.  I have to remember that.  And I choose to believe that.

At church today, we had a couple, some friends of ours, pray with us.  They are aware of our TTC struggles, so it was really comforting to pray with them.  Both of them said they have a really good feeling, that they see a baby in our future.  Not sure if it's in the near future, as in this cycle, or later.  But it's still comforting.  I left church feeling a new sense of peace.  We also have a whole bunch of other church friends and my sister and her family lifting us up in prayer this whole time.  We are truly blest to have so many people praying for us.

This afternoon, my Babe and I were joking about baby names for our future kids.  I know it is WAY too early to even discuss baby names, but we were goofing around and having a great time.  We have never discussed baby names before this, EVER.  It is something that we just avoided because we have been disappointed for such a long time.   So this was something new for us.  It was quite refreshing actually. Somehow, it was uplifting, to discuss something that gives us so much hope.  I think we may have agreed on a boy's name, but of course we are not sharing that yet.  When I suggested it, my Babe's reaction was "that's a good name".  That was good enough for me because it has always been my favorite name.  We'll see..... we may change our minds.

I should be getting another call from the embryology lab on Tuesday about the status of my embies, and information about my transfer.  But I may call the clinic tomorrow anyway to see if I can find out more information about the progress of my embies from the last couple of days.  I'll see what they say about doing a day-3 transfer instead of a day-5.

Please continue to pray for my Little Embie, yes I'm naming him/her.  Pray that Little Embie will continue to multiply and grow strong, and develop to a strong little blastocyst for transfer.

Welcome March ICLWers!


Welcome ICLWers!

For those new to ICLW, it stands for International Comment Leaving Week.  It's a week dedicated to honoring and encouraging commenting on fellow bloggers' blogs.  It's a great time to find new blogs and make new friends.  If you are not already part of ICLW, make sure to contact Mel to be included in future ICLWs.

For those visiting here for the first time, welcome!

This is an exciting time for me.  I am currently going through my second round of IVF.  We have been trying for our first child for 6 years with 4 failed IUIs and one unsuccessful previous IVF.  You can read more about our journey here.  I just completed my egg retrieval on Friday, March 19th.  8 eggs were retrieved from my left ovary, but unfortunately none from my right.  You can read about my egg retrieval story here.

For now, I do not know how many of my 8 eggs have fertilized.  I am expecting a call from the clinic sometime today with a fertilization report.  I will know then how many have fertilized and if I will go in for a 3-day or a 5-day transfer.  The current plan is for a 5-day transfer, but it will all depend on how my little embies are growing.

So stick around to find out how this plays out.  I'd love to hear from you and read about your story too.  Have a great week commenting!

Friday, March 19, 2010

Egg Retrieval Update

Here's what happened at Egg Retrieval today.

We got to the clinic a couple of minutes before 6:30 am.  We were the only ones there.  We waited for about 20 minutes before being called in.  A nurse went over the usual questions with us, health, drugs, etc. We found out that we were the first procedure that morning, but it was going to be a busy morning with 8 procedures lined up.  Two retrievals (including us), and 6 transfers.  When we were done, we were brought into the recovery room where I was asked to change into a gown, cap and booties.

Vicky, the nurse anesthetist came in and went over some more questions.  She walked us through the process and explained that I will be receiving a mild sedative, Propofol actually.  Yup, the same drug that Michael Jackson died from, but of course I would be closely monitored.

Then Dr. M, came in and went over my chart with us.  He asked if I had any issues retrieving eggs during my prior IVF cycle, and I said no.  Dr. M told me that based on my ultrasound scans, my right ovary was in a difficult location and there is a chance we would not be able to retrieve eggs from it.  He would have to go through the uterus to extract the eggs, and he didn't want to do that.  He wanted to leave the uterus alone.  That came as a shock to me!  Not once did any of the nurses or ultrasound techs mention anything like that to me.  Dr. M reassured me that, 80% of the time they can still retrieve the eggs by manipulating the other organs around a little, but he wanted to give us a heads up that there is a chance we may not be able to retrieve the eggs from my right ovary.

I do remember at one of ultrasound appointments at a different clinic, the tech did mention that one of my ovaries (I don't remember which one) was in a weird location, behind the uterus I thought he said.  Dr. M reminded me that IVF is not a race to get as many eggs as possible, but the goal was to get the best quality eggs.  He's experienced a time where he retrieved 30 eggs but no pregnancy, and one where he got 2 eggs and still have a successful pregnancy.  I totally understand it is all about the quality of course, but still.  When you have more eggs to work with, the odds of getting good quality eggs increases dramatically.

When we were done meeting with Dr. M, my Babe and I kissed and said good byes.   Babe was off to the Andrology lab and I was sent to Procedure room 1.  The first thing I realized was the room was warmer and more comfortable than the other rooms.  Vicky had me hop on the examination table and she covered me with a very warm blanket.  It must have come from an oven or heated cabinet because it felt really warm and comfy.  An IV was put into my vein, the sedative injected, and before I knew it, I could feel myself feeling drowsy and that was it.  I was out like a lightbulb.  I don't even remember the nurse putting on the oxygen monitor on my finger or the heart monitor stickers.

The next thing I remember was waking up in the recovery room with my Babe in it.  Dr. M stopped by to tell us they retrieved 8 eggs from the left ovary, none were retrieved from the right.  My body will ovulate the rest of the eggs on the right ovary.

Recovery was fine.  All I wanted to do was sleep, but the nurse gave me some water because I was so thirsty.  I was stuffed up this morning from allergies so I was given some meds to dry up my sinuses, which also made my mouth super dry I could barely talk.  Then they gave me some liquid Ty.lenol (Yuck, I hate liquid meds of any kind!) for my slight pain.  The next thing I know, they had push in a wheel chair and I was getting dressed and getting ready to leave.  The whole time, I just wanted to lay down and go back to sleep!

We were out of the clinic by 8:30 and home by 9 am.  The only thing I wanted to do was crawl back into bed.  But before that, I went into the bathroom and threw up my liquid Ty.lenol.  I felt better after that.  I brushed my teeth, took my first does of tetra.cycline, and went back to bed.  I got up at noon and had something to eat.  I took some more ty.lenol as I was feeling some soreness, plus I remembered that I had thrown up all of the tyle.nol I took in the morning.

So here I am, recovering from my egg retrieval.  I have to say that I am really disappointed with only 8 eggs retrieved.  Looking at the number of my follicles from the last ultrasound on Wednesday, I truly believe I would have been able to get an additional 8 to 10 mature eggs.

With only 8 eggs, how many will fertilize?  And how many will make it to day 5?  Will I have any embryos to freeze?

I should be getting a call on Sunday on the status of my eggs and how many fertilized.

I have to remind myself that God is in control, and He knows what is best for me.  I have been praying that He will provide the perfect number of mature eggs, the perfect number of eggs that will be fertilized, the perfect number of embryos that will make it to day 5, and the perfect number of embryos (if any) that will be frozen.

I believe and trust that everything is in God's hands.

I'm going back to bed.

Thursday, March 18, 2010

Egg Retrieval Tomorrow

This is it!  Tomorrow morning is finally time for my egg retrieval.  It is scheduled for 7:30 am, and we have to check in at the clinic at 6:30 am.  Another really early morning for us!

Then, it's party time....

Time for the "boys" and "girls" to meet up for a good old part-tay in the petri dish!

Dear Future Kiddos,

Please play nice with each other, OK?  No beating each other up!

I'm hoping you'll all have such a jolly good time at this party,  you'll stick around for a while.  We'll see a couple of you again in 5 days where we will move you to your nice comfy new home for the next 9 months.  Then you will finally be able to meet your daddy. He's been waiting so long to meet you.

The rest of you can be the "cool kids" and hang around in the freezer.  Hope to see you around soon too.

Lots of love,
Your Future Mom

My butt is somewhat sore today from yesterday's trigger shot.  Didn't have any soreness yesterday, just a little today.  Not bad though, a reminder that I did have a shot in my butt yesterday.  But the circle from the black sharpie marker is still on my butt today.  It's not coming off even though I've scrubbed it in the shower.  Anyone want to take bets on how long before it's gone?

Even though "Helga" is not my favorite person at the clinic, I have to give her credit.  Considering I've had 7 blood draws done in the last 10 days, and all but one of those were in my left arm, my vein in the left is is looking pretty darn good.  No nasty bruises or anything.  If fact, you can hardly tell that I've had blood drawn at all.  Hats off to you, Helga.

I was looking at my IVF calendar.  If all goes as planned I'll have a 5-day embryo transfer on March 24th.  My beta would be on Good Friday.  That means I would know on Good Friday if that I am pregnant!  And what a Great Friday it would be!

I took a walk around my neighborhood today.  Spring has finally arrived.  The weather was gorgeous, the air was cool and crisp and the sun was shining.  It was nice seeing people walk their dogs, hearing the sounds of birds chirping and smelling steaks on the grill.  I even saw some robins and a bright red cardinal playing in the grass.  All signs of spring and new life.

A reminder of ME bringing new life to the world!

I'll try to do an update after the retrieval tomorrow.  Please keep me in your prayers that all will go wonderfully well.

Show and Tell: Needles

Show and Tell
**In you do not like the sight of needles, you may want to skip this show and tell**

It's time again for Mel's Show and Tell.

In honor of me triggering tonight, and being TOTALLY done with shots for my IVF cycle, I am showing a comparison of the various types of needles used for my shots this cycle.

On the very top is the needle used for my HCG shot.  It was an intramuscular (IM) shot, meaning it is injected into the muscles.  It's the biggest and longest of them all at 1.5 inches (3.81 cm)!

The second needle was used for my Meno.pur shots.  It's a subcutaneous (Sub-Q), shot, meaning it is injected under the skin.  It was 0.5 inches (1.27 cm).

Then comes the needle used for my Lu.pron shot.  It's an insulin needle, also a sub-Q shot.  Also 0.5 inches.

Finally, the needle used on the Follis.tim pen.  That too is a sub-Q shot, and again about 0.5 inches.

Unfortunately, well actually fortunately for me, I am not doing the progesterone in oil (PIO) shots, so I don't have that to show.

So what are YOU showing or telling?  Go check out what the rest of the class is showing at Mel's and join the fun by doing some showing and telling of your own.

Wednesday, March 17, 2010

Trigger Happy

I'm feeling happy right now because my Babe did an AWESOME job with the trigger shot tonight!  Hence, the title "Trigger Happy".
I mixed the HCG medicines and prepared the syringe ready for my Babe.  Then when I was relaxed, he stuck the needle in my butt.  I didn't feel any pain, in fact I barely felt anything at all when the needle went it.  We didn't get any blood when pulling back the plunger of the syringe, so we knew we didn't hit a blood vessel, so we were good.  The meds were slowly injected in and we were done.  Just like that.

I was so relieved when it was all done.  Actually I was quite excited.  I had been a little anxious about this shot because I was a little worried that it may hurt.  Not that my Babe would do it wrong, but feeling a little out of control since someone else is sticking a needle in me, and that person was not me.

Anyway, no worries.  It was piece of cake!  Awesome job, Babe!

My friend Kristi offered these tips that really helped:
  • Massage the area before injecting
  • I laid down on my front with 2 pillows stacked under my knees to help relax the butt muscles
  • Take a deep breath, then stick the needle in when exhaling
  • Stick the needle with a quick, decisive motion

Thanks for the suggestions, Kristi!

Having the nurse draw a circle on the target area also really helped.  So I'm TOTALLY done with shots now!  Yippee!!

Next up, EGG RETRIEVAL on Friday!

Trigger Time!

Update from today's appointment:
     Lining: 15 mm
     Left ovary: 16, 15.5, 15, 15, 13, 13, 13, 11, 11, 10
     Right Ovary: 19.5, 19, 18, 17.5, 15.5, 15.5, 14.5, 14, 14

Today, I noticed that my lining seemed to have shrunk 1 mm so I checked with the nurse. She is not concerned because it is only a 1 mm difference.  To tell the truth, I think these measurements are not always consistent because I get a different ultrasound tech every time anyways.  So far I've only had the same tech once.  So the numbers for the follicles may not be exact in comparison from day to day either.  I'm not going to get too hung up on the numbers.  At this point, it looks like I have 10 mature follicles (15 mm or larger).

Anyway, the point is I'm READY!  The nurse called this afternoon to confirm.

I'm triggering tonight!!

My Babe will be giving me my HCG shot tonight at 7:30 p.m.  After this, I'm done with all my shots.  Yippee!!

I get a break tomorrow.  Then I check in at the clinic at 6:30 a.m on Friday, and my retrieval is set for 7:30 am.  Dr. Hopeful (my regular RE) will not be there to do the retrieval, but one of her partners, Dr. M will be doing it.

Before  leaving the clinic this morning, I had the nurse draw circle on my left butt cheek with a black sharpie pen for where my Babe should be sticking the needle.  So now, I'm walking around with a black circle on my butt under my jeans.  He's got a target to shoot for, or shoot in tonight.

Also, Nan had commented on yesterday's post about assisted hatching.  I checked with the nurse today, and it sounds like they will be doing assisted hatching for me.  If you are 35 or older (I'm 36), it is standard procedure at the clinic to perform assisted hatching.  So thanks Nan, for suggesting this.

I'll update later about how the trigger shot goes tonight.  Wish me luck!

Oh by the way, Happy St. Patty's Day!

Tuesday, March 16, 2010

Not Tonight

Here's the report from today's appointment, which is also Day 12 of stims.
     Lining: 16 mm ~ Whoa... it grew 4 mms overnight!
     Right ovary: 15.5, 14.5, 14.5, 14, 13, 13, 12, 12, 10
     Left ovary: 18.5, 17.5, 17, 17, 16, 14, 14, 14, 13, 10, 10
     Total: 20

As of this morning, I have 6 mature follicles and 7 that are really close.  Looks like leftie has really caught up and is leading in this race!  When I left the clinic this morning, they wouldn't even give me any instructions on what to expect, except to wait for the phone call this afternoon.
I just got the phone call.  No trigger tonight.  I am to take only 1 vial of Meno.pur this afternoon (which I just did), and then 200 IUs of Follis.tim again tonight.  Then only the 5 units of Lu.pron in the morning.  I will wait for more instructions at the appointment tomorrow morning.

More waiting.  I'm actually quite OK with waiting, I am not that anxious to trigger.  I'm more than happy to wait another day if that helps me get more mature follicles.  I just hope that taking my Meno.pur today at 3 pm instead of 9 am is not too late.

Please follicles, please grow!

Looking at my IVF calendar, as of tomorrow, I would have been at the RE's clinic 7 out of the last 10 days for ultrasound and blood work appointments.  I hope tomorrow will be my last trip before my retrieval.

Monday, March 15, 2010

And The Drama Continues

First of all, I need to apologize for an error in yesterday's posting about my follicle measurements.  I found out today that once a follicle grows to 15 mm or larger, they take two dimensional measurements and then average it out.  The larger numbers I posted yesterday, I only listed the larger of the two numbers.

For example, my 17 mm follicle was actually 17x6, and therefore should have been 11.5.  My 16 mm follicle was actually 16x11, so that should have measured 13.5.

So...... the numbers I posted yesterday were way further ahead than in reality.  I found that out today when I noticed that my numbers seem to have shrunk and checked with the nurse.  I've corrected my numbers in the post.

My sincere apologies!
OK, on to today's appointment.
     Lining: 12 mm - really good
     Right ovary: 15, 15, 15, 14.5, 13, 13, 12, 11
     Left ovary: 15.5, 14, 13, 12, 12, 12, 12, 11, 10, 10, 10 (plus 5 small)

I have a total of 19 follicles now, compared to 14 yesterday.  They just keep coming!  I'm really happy with how things are progressing.  The left ovary is really catching up with, 4 more since yesterday.

The nurse mentioned that follicles that are 15 mm or larger at trigger time would produce mature eggs at retrieval time.  They want to let the follicles that are close to 15 a chance to catch up, which sounds like a really great idea to me.  I'm hoping that I will have lots of mature eggs and hope that as many as possible will fertilize and make it to the blastocyst stage so that we can freeze some.  I didn't have any to freeze last time.

I go back tomorrow morning for another ultrasound and blood work.  I was supposed to continue with the same dosage of meds as yesterday, but the nurse called today and told me to reduce my Follis.tim to 200IUs instead of 225, and to hold of on the Meno.pur shot in the morning until after the appointment tomorrow.  I'm to continue my Lu.pron shot at 5 units.  I'm "really close", those were the nurse's words.

I actually have another appointment scheduled already for Wednesday, but that is just so I have first choice of appointment time.  I'm hoping that I won't need it.  It's easier to cancel an appointment than to schedule it last minute.  The last few days, everything has been up in the air.  First I thought I'd trigger Sunday, then I thought today.  Now, MAYBE tomorrow?  I'm hoping they will tell me I am ready to trigger tomorrow, but who knows. I'll let you know what I find out tomorrow.

On another note, I'm still feeling bloated and uncomfortable.  It is possible to get any more bloated?  I'm tired of feeling like this.   I hope I can trigger soon!

On the bright side, I have b00bs!!  I can tell by how my bras fit.  When it comes to bras, I am in between sizes.  The ones that usually fit well are now a little too snug.  The ones that are usually too big, well they've filled in quite nicely now.  Even my Babe has noticed.  For someone with a small chest, this is one side effect I don't mind.  Neither does my Babe.

100th Post!

Believe it or not, this is my 100th post!  I've hit a milestone!
I can't believe that it has been 4 months since I started blogging on November 21st, 2009.  At that time I wasn't even sure if I wanted to do this, or if anyone would even want or care to read anything I have to say.

It seems unreal that I've done 100 posts.  In a way it seems like I have said so much, yet at the same time it feels like I haven't said much at all; I have much more to share.

Thank you all for sharing this journey with me.  I hope you stick around for more.

Let's see where this takes us...... hopefully the story ends with a baby or two.

Sunday, March 14, 2010

Change of Plans, x2

Well today was an interesting day.   It was a treat because my Babe agreed to drag himself out of bed to go to my 7 am appointment with me this morning.  It was a dark and quiet drive at 6:30 am on Sunday morning, not many people were on the roads.

At the appointment, we found we made some progress.
     Lining: 11 mm, which is great.
     Right ovary: 17 11.5 (17x11), 16 13.5 (16x11), 14, 13, 12, 12 & 11 (plus 5 small ones)
     Left ovary: 13, 12, 12, 12, 11, 11 & 10 (plus 10 to 15 less than 8 mm)

I have a total of 14 follicles in the race now, compared to 9 on Friday.  Yippee!!

I thought we would have made a bit more progress on the size of the follicles, but I'm happy that we have 4 more follicles that have caught up.  I try to remember what someone once said that we don't want the follicles to grow too fast; slower growing follicles make better quality eggs.  Not sure if it's true, but it's comforting to hear.
Change of plans.  No trigger shot today.  Boo!

I am supposed to came back in on Tuesday for another ultrasound and blood work.  I was told to stay on the same regiment: 5 units of Lu.pron and 2 vials of Meno.pur in the mornings, and then 300IUs of Follis.tim in the evenings until Tuesday's appointment.

Also found out that I could continue to do my shots at the same time, even with daylight savings.  For a while, I thought I'd need to move the shots back an hour to make sure it was within the 12 hour window, but the nurse said it didn't make that much of a difference.  A different gal, drew my blood today, and found out that "Helga's" real name is actually Ea.  Interesting name.  I will continue to address her as Helga in this blog though.

After the appointment, my Babe and I stopped in at Mickey D's for breakfast, which is something we NEVER do.  Went home, did my morning shots, then off to church we went.  After church, both Babe and I crashed and took a long nap.  It was nice, because we woke up to a beautiful day, with warm temps around 57 degrees and sunshine.

I found out later this afternoon that a nurse had called and left a message.  It seems that my estrogen level had shot up to 1,275.  Not sure what that means exactly, but they want to monitor me more closely.  So, another change of plans.

I am to reduce my dosage of Follis.tim to 225 instead of 300IUs tonight.  Same dosage of Lu.pron and Meno.pur in the morning.  Then I am supposed to call first thing tomorrow (Monday) morning to schedule an appointment for the same morning.  They want to see where I am at that time.

*Sigh*  More changes.  Not sure if they will tell me to trigger tomorrow night, or if I would need to go back on Tuesday.  I'm not going to speculate, I guess I will just wait and see.

Bloating remains pretty much the same.  No changes from yesterday.

Hang around to see how all this plays out.

Saturday, March 13, 2010


One word.............

I am feeling bloated and uncomfortable.  I'm sure it will just get worse.  I keep thinking is this what it's going to be like if when I'm pregnant?  Not that I'm complaining, as I'll cherish every pregnancy symptom if when it happens.

I'm praying that my existing 9 follicles continue to grow nicely, and more follicles have grown into measurable size.  We'll find out more at tomorrow's appointmen if I'll trigger tomorrow or Monday.  (Not so) Bright and early at 7 am (technically 6 am if not considering the Daylight Savings change in time).

Friday, March 12, 2010

Getting Some Action

I'm finally getting some action..... in the ovaries.

Today's appointment went well.  My lining today is 9 mm, which is great.  I need a minimum of 7 mm to sustain pregnancy.

So far, 9 follicles have responded to the meds.  They are now measurable, meaning they are 10mm or larger.
    Right ovary: 13, 12, 12,12, 11 & 10
    Left ovary:  10, 10 & 10
Looks like rightie is winning this race.

I am to continue my same dosage of meds: 5 units of Lupron and 2 vials of Meno.pur in the mornings, and 300IUs of Follis.tim in the evenings.  I am hoping that more follicles will grow within the next couple of days.

I go back on Sunday for another ultrasound and bloodwork. Because the clinic has very limited hours on weekends, the only time I am able to get in is 7 am in the morning.  7 am!!

Of course, we must not forget that this Sunday is the beginning of Daylight Savings Time, which means we spring forward one hour.  So, technically it would be a *6 am appointment.  Meaning I have to leave the house by 5:30 am!

Yikes!!  I am already so not a morning person, and having to be at a *6 am appointment really sucks!

I only have 3 cartridges of 300IUs of Follis.tim left, enough to last me through tonight, Saturday and Sunday nights.  Depending on how my appointment goes on Sunday, I may or may not need another 300IUs of Follis.tim for Monday.  Because the mail order pharmacy my insurance approves of is only open Monday through Friday, I would need to order more meds today, to get it in time for Saturday or Monday.  My nurse today advised me to refill my Follis.tim today.

While driving home, I thought why would I want to refill and pay for meds that I may or may not need for Monday?  At shots injection class, we were told that each Follis.tim cartridge comes with an overfill of 75IUs.  I have 3 cartridges of leftovers right now, and 3 more unused ones.  That means I would have enough for 300IUs from the overfills if I need it on Monday.  I wouldn't need my refill then.  I called the nurse and left a message, and she called me back later this afternoon.

She agreed that it would make sense to use up all overfill first.  I thought that we could withdraw all the overfills into one cartridge so we would only need to do one shot using the pen.  However, she was concerned about air getting into the cartridge and then the dosage might be off.  So she suggested using the the overfill first before using a new cartridge, meaning I would need to do 2 shots, one from the old cartridge with the overfill, and the second from a new cartridge, still amounting to a total of 300IUs.  I would need to do this 2 or 3 nights.

Two shots to save $100 in co-pay in meds I may or may not need?  I'm all for it.

We should know by Sunday the status of my follies.  If all goes well and I am ready, I may be triggering on Sunday night and egg retrieval would be on Tuesday!!

Again, we'll have to see how Sunday goes.  Will keep you updated.

Grow follies, grow!

Thursday, March 11, 2010

Box O' Meds, Part Deux

Guess what the UPS guy dropped off today?

My box of meds with my Meno.pur refill and meds for the 2nd part of my IVF cycle.
From left to right:
  • Vi.velle (estrogen) patches
  • Endome.trin (progesterone) suppositories
  • Diaze.pam (Va.lium)
  • Tetracy.cline (antibiotics)
  • Refill of Meno.pur
Notice there are no PIO meds.  Yippee!!

I am hoping this is the last of the meds I will be needing until I get my BFP!

Today, my friend E and her 2 1/2 year old daughter went out for our monthly girls' lunch out.  We always go to this Sushi and Chinese buffet place.  It's a great place for $9.99 a person, and we also have a coupon for $5 off for 2 people.  But the kid eats free.  How can you beat that?

I pretty much stuffed myself silly.  Not such a good idea as I am already bloated from the stims.  Well, this was possibly the last time I could have sushi with raw fish for a very long time.  Nine months, and most probably longer.  I'm praying that this is the case, of course.  We'll probably still come here for lunch every month after my BFP, but I will just have to avoid the ones with raw fish.  But oh, I sure do love the ones with raw salmon!

Today was also fun because E and I were able to talk about baby and pregnancy stuff (She knows about my upcoming IVF).  Like how she would pass down some of her baby clothes to me (her youngest is almost 9 months), and how I may buy some of her baby stuff like the jungle gym play mat, breast pump, bouncer, etc.  All this contingent on me getting a BFP, of course.  But it was great to be able to actually talk about baby stuff, morning sickness, and maternity clothes, and know within the next month that it is a very real possibility that I could actually use all these stuff.

Today, I feel bloated.  My ovaries feel "heavy" and there are some small movements and twinges in there.  It feels like my ovaries are having a party down there, and I'm not invited.  I'm hoping that this means my follies are actually finally getting off their lazy butts, and starting to grow. We'll find out more tomorrow at my appointment with Mr. Wandy and Helga.

Wednesday, March 10, 2010

Lazy Follies

I had my date with Mr. Wandy (ultrasound) and Helga (blood work) today, day 6 of stims.

My lining was 5mm, which is good.  However, my follies are lazy.  I have 10 small follicles on each ovary. 10 small.  Small.  I would have thought by now my follicles would have been at a measurable size, especially since we double the dosage of Meno.pur.  Dang lazy follies!
I suppose the one good thing is I now have 10 follicles on each ovary instead of 8 since March 2nd.  So I grew 4 more follies in 8 days.  Yay!!  Grow follies, grow!

I will continue my regimen of 5 units of Lu.pron and 2 vials of Meno.pur in the morning, and 300IUs of Follis.tim in the evening until my next appointment on Friday.  They will decide if anymore adjustments will be needed then.

I asked Nurse Amy when she thinks my egg retrieval will be.  Most people have the HCG (trigger) shots after 9 to 12 days of stims.  At the rate of how my follicles are growing, the nurse estimates that I would need 12 days of stims.  HCG shot is 36 hours before retrieval, so I am estimating that my ER would possibly be March 18th.  We'll see.

Helga drew my blood again today.  I'm starting to think that she is the only one that will be doing all my blood draws.  Not so excited about that.  I decided to switch and have my blood drawn from my right arm instead today.  My left arm was still sore and bruised from the last couple of visits.

As soon as I told Helga I wanted my to use my right arm this time, I started to panic!  It just occurred to me that I have never used my right arm for blood draws before this, ever!  I have always been so proud of left arm as I have never had any problems with it.  I noticed that my right arm does not have a nice visible vein that pops out a little, like my left arm does.  Suddenly horror stories of people being poked multiple times in the veins unsuccessfully came to mind!  Images of black and blue arms flashed by!

Argh!!.... what was I thinking?  Of course I was too embarrassed to switch arms by then.  Fortunately, Helga had no problem with my right arm.  I noticed that it hurt more after though, since I use my right arm more.

After the appointment, I called the pharmacy to refill my Meno.pur, plus I filled the rest of my prescription needed for the rest of the cycle:  Tetracy.cline, Va.lium, Endome.trin and Vi.velle.  Total cost: $296.95.  Again, thank you insurance company!

A side note: I have been experiencing headaches in the afternoons for the last couple of days.  I think it's the double dosage of Meno.pur.

I'm praying that my follies will behave and keep growing.

Come on..... Grow follies, grow!!

Show & Tell: Steak House or Gay Bar?

Show and Tell
I got nothing real exciting for Show and Tell at Mel's this week.  So instead, I am sharing a fun game.

Check out this website to see if you can guess by the name of the establishment if it's an actual steakhouse or a gay bar.

The website gives you a name, and you choose whether you think it's a name of a steak house or a gay bar.  It'll then tell you the answer and where it's located, plus how many other people got it right or wrong.

It's a great way to waste time!

Then go check out what the rest of the class is showing at Mel's.

Monday, March 8, 2010


Sorry I've been MIA for a few days.  I have been feeling too lazy to write, been mostly lurking and reading blogs over the weekend.

I started my stims (stimulation injections) on Friday.  In the mornings I do 5 units of Lu.pron (reduced from 20 units), and one 75 IU vial of Meno.pur.  In the evenings I do 300 IUs of Follis.tim.  So 2 shots in the morning, and one in the evening.  I'm beginning to look and feel like a human pin cushion.  Luckily not too much bruising, yet.  Maybe I will take a picture of my tummy one of these days.

Lup.ron is simple, you draw out the 5 units, and then you inject it into your tummy.
Morning: Lu.pron with insulin needle

Meno.pur is little more "fun" as there are a few more steps to do.  There are 2 vials, the diluent (liquid) used for mixing, and the actual Meno.pur powdered medication.  Using a special cap called a Q-cap, the Meno.pur medication is mixed with the diluent before it can be injected.  There are a few more steps and switching back and forth between vials.  Injecting Meno.pur took a little more time than I originally expected, but I am getting better and faster at this.  It helps to take all the medication, syringes, alcohol swabs and cotton gauze out and lay them out in an orderly fashion the night before so everything is organized and ready.  I also found that Meno.pur tends to sting more, which the nurse at the injection class actually warned us about.
Morning: Diluent, Meno.pur powder, Q-cap and 27 gauge needle

Diluent and Meno.pur powder

I have taken Follis.tim before during my IUIs and previous IVF cycle, so I am quite familiar with it.  Follis.tim uses a special pen where you "dial up" the required dosage before injecting.  A nifty injection tool.
Evening: Follis.tim Pen and cartridge

So far, no real side effects worth mentioning.

If you are really interested in how these and other medication is done, check out the videos from Free.dom Pharmacy (if you get to a page asking for email, etc try copying and pasting this link to a new window instead: http://www.freedommedteach.com/player/Videos.aspx)

Today, I had my blood work done at the clinic, no ultrasound though.  That's for Wednesday and Friday.  I got a call this afternoon from nurse Jill.  They want me to increase my dosage of Meno.pur from 1 to 2 vials (150 IU) tomorrow and Wednesday.  My estrogen level is only at 68.  What does that mean, I ask.  I guess at day 4 of stims, they like to see the level close to 100.  If it is less than 100, then then increase the  meds.  If it's more than a 100, then decrease the meds.

I'm not sure how to feel about this.  Is it bad news, or just normal adjustments they make?  68 sounds kinda low to me.  I know in the past, I have had to continue stims for one or two more days than expected, so maybe it just means my body is not responding as well.  Still, it would be great if my body would be a super star and respond really well, or at least respond normally.  It just makes me nervous.

So the game plan for now is to increase my Meno.pur dosage to 2 vials tomorrow and Wednesday, and the Lu.pron and Follis.tim dosages stay the same.  I have another ultrasound and blood work on Wednesday and Friday.  They will be able to tell more then how my body is responding and if any more adjustments are needed.  It does sound like I will be needing a refill on my Meno.pur, which mean I will need to pay for another copay.

On another note, my MIL's birthday was a success.  It as a low key dinner at a local family restaurant and then we all headed to our house for cake.  Thankfully my Babe had Friday off, so he did an awesome helping pick up his crap stuff from the family room and did the vacuuming.  The house was clean (for the most part, minus the junk room, bedroom and office, which was off limits!) which was a good thing because Babe's 90-year Grandma joined us for dinner too.  She may be 90, but her vision is sharp and doesn't miss much.

We also talked about making a trip to Indiana for Babe's nephew's first communion and birthday, and his niece's baptism the fourth weekend of April.  I'm hoping that I WILL be pregnant by then!  It will make an interesting trip, depending on if I am truly since I WILL be pregnant, and if I have to deal with morning sickness, and hiding the news until the second trimester.  We don't plan on telling the in-laws until the second trimester.

p/s I updated the last part of my post to a more positive tone!  I have to believe I WILL be pregnant at the end of this cycle!

Thursday, March 4, 2010

A Whole New Me

It's a whole new me..... sort of.

I finally got my haircut today.  My hair stylist, Jen, whom I absolutely love, chopped about 8 inches off.  Yeah, 8 inches!!  I feel like a different person.

My head feels so much lighter!  I has been a year since I cut my hair.  Not really sure why I waited that long.  Maybe it's the money, or I was just too lazy to make the track out to the other side of town.  It is also one of my few "luxuries".  Jen charges $45 for a haircut, which to me is quite high, but I have never been unhappy with a haircut with her.  She understands my hair so well and knows exactly what to do with stick-straight hair that does nothing when you try to curl or style it.  She also knows I'm too lazy to spend any time on my hair.  My hair is now about shoulder length, layered, and feels so much lighter.  It feels wonderful!  It is still long enough to put up in a ponytail so it won't drive me crazy when I am sweating like a pig when working out.  I can't stand having hair stick to my neck and face.

As for my grays, Jen suggested that I not worry about coloring or highlighting my hair.  If When I am pregnant, I won't be able to color or highlight my hair once it starts growing out, then it would look pretty bad.  She suggested just plucking the grays out.  Don't you just love a hair stylist that tells you not to spend any more money on your hair?

Tomorrow is my MIL's birthday.  Her and my FIL will be driving into town and we will have dinner with them and my SIL's family at a restaurant.  Somehow, not really sure how, my house was offered to host family for cake after dinner.  So that means I need to clean my house!!  I hate cleaning!

We rarely have company over and I am the worst housekeeper in the world.  But if having the in-laws over is not a good reason to clean the house, I'm not sure what is!
(By the way, no one in their right mind should look that happy cleaning!)

Time to hide all my IVF meds!

OK, I have to go do some cleaning now (reluctantly..... I'd rather sit on my butt and read blogs)!

Wednesday, March 3, 2010

Show and Tell: A Butterfly's Lesson

Show and Tell

It's time for Mel's Show and Tell.  This week, I am doing something a little different.  Instead of showing, I am doing a bit of telling.

I received an email from my mom last week, and in it was a beautiful story called "A Butterfly's Lesson".  It made me smile and gave me a little more determination to face whatever the outcome of my IVF journey may be.  I hope this picks you up a little too.

A Butterfly's Lesson
One day, a small opening appeared in a cocoon; a man sat and watched for the butterfly for several hours as it struggled to force its body through that little hole.  Then, it seems to stop making any progress.  It appeared as if it had gotten as far as it could and it could not go any further.

So the man decided to help the butterfly; he took a pair of scissors and opened the cocoon.  The butterfly then emerged easily.  But it had a withered body, it was tiny and shriveled wings.

The man continued to watch because he expected that, at any moment, the wings would open, enlarge and expand, to be able to support the butterfly's body and become firm.  Neither happened!  In fact the butterfly spent the rest of its life crawling around with a withered body and shriveled wings.  It never was able to fly.

What the man, in his kindness and his goodwill did not understand was that the restricting cocoon and the struggle required for the butterfly to get through the tiny opening, were God's way of forcing fluid from the body of the butterfly into its wings, so that it would be ready for flight once it achieved its freedom from the cocoon.

Sometimes, struggles are exactly what we need in our life.

If God allowed us to go through our life without obstacles, it would cripple us.  We would not be as strong as we could have been.  Never been able to fly.

I asked for Strength.....
  and God gave me difficulties to make me strong.

I asked for Wisdom.....
  and God gave me problems to solve.

I asked for Prosperity......
  and God gave me a brain and brawn to work.

I asked for Courage.....
  and God gave me obstacles to overcome.

I asked for Love.....
  and God gave me troubled people to help.

I asked for Favors......
  and God gave me opportunities.

I received nothing I wanted.....
  But I received everything I needed.

Live life without fear, confront all obstacles and know that you can overcome them.

Now, go see what else the rest of the class is showing at Mel's.

Tuesday, March 2, 2010

Lu.pron Day 10 Appointment

I had my appointment at the RE's office today.  My little "date" with Mr. Wandy (ultrasound wand) went quite well.  My body seems to be playing nice.  My lining today was nice and thin at 3 mm, which is good.  My ovaries were "quiet", which was also good.  There were 8 follicles on each of my ovaries, which I guess is a decent number.  Somehow, I thought there would be more, since at my last ultrasound on 2/9, I had 17 on the left ovary, and at least 11 on the right.  I suppose we don't want too many, or risk OHSS (Ovarian Hyperstimulation Syndrome) which would be bad.

So everything looks good so far.  My Lu.pron dosage will be reduced to 5 units starting tomorrow, and I will start my stims (stimulation drugs) of Me.nopur and Follis.tim on Friday.  This will be a fun time of side effects, I'm sure.  It will be a fun trying to figure out what is the side effect of which drug!

I found out from the nurse today the with IVF, our usual calculation of menstrual CDs (cycle days) kind of gets tossed out the window.  While on Lu.pron, we use "Lupron Day", as in today is Lu.pron Day 10 for me.  Then when stims start, it will be considered "Stims Day" X.  The age of an IVF baby would be counted from the day of egg retrieval.  Totally different from non-IVF babies.  The nurse also said that when we are released to a regular OB, they send the OB all the information about egg retrieval dates, etc to help figure out accurate due dates.  The nurse also suggested researching an OB now and that I should also consider a midwife or doula,  so I will need to start working on that.

After my meeting with the nurse and ultrasound technician, I was sent off to get my blood drawn.  Of course Helga was there.  She took my vial of blood without much incident, thankfully less painful than the last time.  Still, she could use some work on her bedside manners.  Still rough and just as crabby.

After my appointment, I ran some errands and was really tired by the time I got home.  I took a nap and woke up with the worst headache ever, even though I have been faithfully wearing my Phi.ten necklace!  I know I promised I wasn't going to talked about headaches anymore, but this was bad.  Maybe it was a migraine, I'm not sure.  I took some Tyle.nol and that seemed to help a little.  I thought with being off BCPs my side effects would hopefully subside, but no such luck I guess.

I always thought my body could handle drugs really well with little or no side effects.  Not so sure about that now.  I'm not looking forward to the addition of Meno.pur and Follis.tim to my routine!

Monday, March 1, 2010

AF and Toxic People

AF arrived this morning.  Today is also the 9th day of 20 units of Lu.pron in the mornings, and 5th day after my last BCP.  For some reason, I kept thinking that I would not be getting AF this time, even though the nurse specifically wrote "bleed" in my calendar on days after my last BCP.  Not sure what I was thinking.

Tomorrow, I have an appointment scheduled for and ultrasound and blood work.  I'm hoping that all goes well so I can start my Me.nopur and Follis.tim shots on Friday.

We just received our federal income taxes refund in the mail today.  It's going directly into our bank account tomorrow!

Last night, my Babe told me that he finally told his best Buddy that we have been trying for a kid for 6 years.  "Buddy" and my Babe were winter camping on Saturday with some boy scouts.  The slept outside, yes in the MN winter, and were chatting till 2 in the morning.  Buddy was telling him all the crap that he as dealing with his daughter's mother (Buddy had a daughter when he was in college, but did not marry his daughter's mother) over trying to have his daughter over the weekends.  Buddy is now married with a 2 1/2 year old daughter.  Of course they got married a few years after us, and they got pregnant about 6 months into their marriage.

Anyway, after Buddy told my Babe about all his troubles, he asked so when are you guys having kids?  Since he just poured his heart out, Babe felt bad and told him yeah, we have actually been trying for 6 years, but he didn't want to get into any details.  I have to say though that I think this is the first time Buddy has actually asked my Babe over the 7 plus years we have been married, this question.  So at I appreciate that he is not nosy, or least didn't pry!  Buddy asked if we've tried any "help".  I guess Buddy and his brother T had discussed us not having kids and had talked about different kinds of treatments we could try.  T is completing residency as a medical doctor and thinks he is a know-it-all.  Without being real specific, my Babe just said, "we are way ahead of you!".  Hopefully we won't get any more questions from Buddy or T!  I don't want to go into any details!

So now, Buddy knows that we have been TTC for a while.  I'm kind of worried that he will tell his wife, which I'm sure he will.  See, I think if she knows, she will most probably tell a friend of ours, M.  We all used to do a weekly game night where we would get together to play board games.  M is one of those people my sister would call "toxic people" (I think it was an O.prah term).  People that sucks to be around, and you feel worse after being around them.
M and her hubby got married young, at 19.  They had an "oops baby" not long after.  M is the kind of person in which everything is about her.  About how smart she is, how she is the top of the class, how the world is trying to screw her over because they won't pay her the salary she thinks she deserves right out of college (it's ridiculous!)  They had another "oops baby" a few years ago, and she complained about it her whole pregnancy.  All she talked about was how she didn't want to be pregnant, how she didn't want another baby, how miserable her pregnancy was, how the one time they didn't use birth control they'd get pregnant; all this while we have been TTC for a few years, and around guys and women there were either not married, or pregnant.  She's the kind of person that expects her husband to do everything for her and the kids.  She also expects others to watch her kids when we are at game night, and lets them do whatever they want.  Worse yet, she would not discipline her kids because they are "so perfect".  She hates it when people tell her how to raise her kids, and then thinks they people with no kids know nothing about parenting!

Ughh!  She makes my blood boil just thinking about her!

Getting back to my original point, I'm worried that Buddy or his wife will tell M about our TTC issues which I would not be surprised if they did because they are pretty good friends.  We on the other hand have been avoiding M and her family in the last couple of years.  I just know that if M found out about our TTC issues, she would have lots of mean things to say, and would just drive me crazy!  I am still avoiding them, but it's just a matter of time before we meet again.  Hopefully by then we would be pregnant.  Even then, I'm sure she will have all kinds of advice to give.  In a sick sort of way, I am hoping that M would say something one of these day, I'll get super pissed off and finally just tell her off!!

Of course I can't always come up with the best things to say at the most important time, and will probably come up with something really lame!  Sigh......

Birth Of A Candy Bar

Something fun for Monday.

Thanks to babybaker of Venting Vagina for letting me share this with you.  She posts the funniest stuff!

And that, my friends is how Baby Ruth was born.