Wednesday, July 16, 2014

I Took The Test

I took the test.

The results window of the pregnancy test was stark white.  Not pregnant.  Of course not.  I knew that.

Yesterday, as I was driving home from work, I started having the familiar feeling of those pre-mentrual twitches.  I was pretty sure my period would start.  And then, nothing.  Again, today I felt those familiar feelings again on my drive home, except they were stronger and felt like for sure I my period would arrive.   But then, still nothing.

I was actually reluctant to take the test tonight.  I wanted to return it to Tar.get. but we can't find the stupid receipt.  Finally, Babe bribed me with happy hour tomorrow night, just so that we would know.  Like me, he also liked not knowing for sure because then there was still some slight hope for a miracle pregnancy.  Though deep down, I knew it was wishful thinking.  So I took the test, and I know for sure I am not pregnant.  I am a little disappointed but relieved to know.

Looking at my calendar, as of today, I am 17 days late.  And still no sign of my period.    I'm still blaming it on my new job and change in schedule.  Anyone else experienced this, with a period being this late?

Monday, July 14, 2014

Catching Up

Sorry for being MIA again.  Can't believe it's been almost a month since my last update.  I have an excuse...... sort of.

I started a new job.  Yup, a new job.  It's all kind of crazy actually.  I have not been working for the last 2 years.  Long story but it had to do with me being so stressed out working at my job that we decided I wanted to quit and Babe was OK with it.  We figured we would take the time off for me to get healthier and focus on our adoption plans.  We took the time to start our adoption home study and made the decision to pursue embryo adoption.  This entire time I was not seriously considering going back to work because we thought for sure embryo adoption work for us.  But one transfer led to another, and then a third.

Anyway, a ex-colleague of mine whom I have been meeting up for lunches for the last couple of years have been trying to get me into the company she works for.  I actually interviewed at her company a year ago, but it didn't work out.  In April, I had lunch with her again and she said that the were looking for someone for a position that she thought I would be a good fit.  I applied for it and didn't hear anything for over a month.  Then one day, I received an email asking me to interview with the company ASAP.  I had my interview a week before my transfer in May.  I was told that the company was planning to offer me the position before I left for NEDC.

It was a weird feeling going into my transfer knowing that I have a job after the transfer.  At first I was torn about whether I should accept a new job.  I was praying and hoping that the transfer would work and I would be pregnant.  I was also worried about being pregnant and not being able to perform on the job from nausea and fatigue.  Plus I also plan to stay home once the baby was born, but I felt bad about having to leave only after a few months.  But I also didn't want to turn down the job.  If God was opening a door for me, especially an unexpected one, I really shouldn't be closing it.

So, we figured getting pregnant would be our Plan A.  If Plan A worked, then my job would be Plan B, and we would use it as a short term savings plan to replenish our dwindling savings account.  If we didn't get pregnant, then Plan B would be Plan A, as I needed to get back to work to replenish our savings account to fund our traditional adoption plans, if we decided to go that way.  We figured having a job is a good thing either way.

I received my official job offer on the Friday before Memorial Day, a few days after we got back from NEDC.  I accepted the job offer on the Tuesday after Memorial Day.  It was the same day as my first beta for my May transfer.  Talk about crazy timing.  When I found out about our negative pregnancy test, I was devastated.  But at the same time, I had peace about it.  I knew that though this was painful, I had something to look forward to as well.  And having a job was going to be a relief financially too.

So, I started my new job on the Monday before the 4th of July.  There nothing quite like starting a new job on a holiday week.  This has been an interesting transition.  I have not been working for 2 years and have to get back into the groove of working and having to get up and go to work like everyone else.  I am also working in a similar role but in an entirely different area.  So I will have A LOT to learn and get used to.  But I am happy to be at my company, which is a very large global corporation.  I am not naming it, but you use their products everyday.  If I tell you the company name, you would recognize it immediately.

On an entirely different note.  I am contemplating taking a home pregnancy test.

Why? My period is 2 weeks late.

Crazy, right?  However, I am almost 100% sure I am not pregnant.  Why?  Because for the last 11 years, I have not been able to get pregnant naturally.  Nor with IVF.  Not even with adopted embryos.  Plus, I am not feeling any signs of pregnancy like nausea or fatigue like I did when I was briefly pregnant with a chemical pregnancy back in November.  I blame my late period on the stress of starting a new job, and having to adjust to lack of sleep.  At the same time, it's kind of fun to have the stupid feeling of false hope, that maybe this is my miracle pregnancy!

But, I am considering taking a pregnancy test because I have been drinking a lot of coffee since I started my job.  I even had 2 drinks this month.  But, I also know that as soon as I take the test, my period will start.  That has always happened with taking a home pregnancy test for me.   One year, I was 10 days late, but the home pregnancy test was showing a negative.  I had my blood drawn at a clinic, and as soon I as I got the negative result from the blood test, my period came.

But I am tired of just not knowing and having to keep waiting for my period to start.  I want to make sure I can continue drinking coffee without feeling guilty.  I even had Babe run to Tar.get today and pick up a 2-pack kit.

But as of now, I'm still just staring at the box.  Maybe I'll do it tomorrow.  Maybe.