Got the call from our RE this afternoon. Our result..... NEGATIVE of course. That is what I expected, so no surprise there.
I was at work when she called, but I had a few minutes to talk with her. I thought I was handling our conversation fine, but she was just being so nice that I couldn't help but start falling apart. She said we had gone through so much already with doing 3 IVF cycles with her. We've been on this journey so long, and we did everything right. I have a good functioning uterus, I ovulate regularly, my body responded well to the IVF meds, etc. But when it comes to egg quality, there just really isn't much that we can do about it.
The RE suggested we consider egg donation. She had suggested we think about it during our conference with her earlier on this cycle too. She wants me to come in and do a conference with her and discuss that option and give me more detailed information. I don't know. I think Babe and I have to make that decision on our own. She also suggested we meet up with her counselor to help us work through our next steps, and if donor egg is an option for us.
You know, I never considered donor egg as an option for us. I always just thought that our kids would either have both of our DNAs, or neither. However, now I think that's not fair to Babe. If it were the other way around, and we had male fertility issues instead of egg quality issue, I'd probably still want my DNA in our children. I think once you've gotten this far in your journey in trying to build your family, you start becoming open to other options. A few years ago, I thought I'd never do IVF. But look at us now.
I'm sorely disappointed that we are not pregnant, but I'm also not devastated. As I was driving home from work today, I realized Babe and I have not been happy in the last few years. Sure we've had some happy moments, and did some really fun stuff like traveling. But we have not been truly happy for a long time. It's hard when something important is missing from your life, and most people around you just don't understand. People are sympathetic, and try to be supportive, but unless you have or are going through infertility, you just don't understand.
We have to view our future differently now. Now that traditional IVF is no longer an option for us, our future is not so "bright" anymore. That same hope is no longer there. But it is a different kind of hope, though I am not sure yet what it is. One thing I do know and still believe in is that God has a plan for us, and that all things work for good, and according to his purpose. We just got to figure out what His plan is.