Wednesday, July 13, 2011

Beta Result

Got the call from our RE this afternoon.  Our result..... NEGATIVE of course.  That is what I expected, so no surprise there.

I was at work when she called, but I had a few minutes to talk with her.  I thought I was handling our conversation fine, but she was just being so nice that I couldn't help but start falling apart.  She said we had gone through so much already with doing 3 IVF cycles with her.  We've been on this journey so long, and we did everything right.  I have a good functioning uterus, I ovulate regularly, my body responded well to the IVF meds, etc.  But when it comes to egg quality, there just really isn't much that we can do about it.

The RE suggested we consider egg donation.  She had suggested we think about it during our conference with her earlier on this cycle too.  She wants me to come in and do a conference with her and discuss that option and give me more detailed information.  I don't know.  I think Babe and I have to make that decision on our own.  She also suggested we meet up with her counselor to help us work through our next steps, and if donor egg is an option for us.

You know, I never considered donor egg as an option for us.  I always just thought that our kids would either have both of our DNAs, or neither.  However, now I think that's not fair to Babe.  If it were the other way around, and we had male fertility issues instead of egg quality issue, I'd probably still want my DNA in our children.  I think once you've gotten this far in your journey in trying to build your family, you start becoming open to other options.  A few years ago, I thought I'd never do IVF.  But look at us now.

I'm sorely disappointed that we are not pregnant, but I'm also not devastated.  As I was driving home from work today, I realized Babe and I have not been happy in the last few years.  Sure we've had some happy moments, and did some really fun stuff like traveling.  But we have not been truly happy for a long time.  It's hard when something important is missing from your life, and most people around you just don't understand.  People are sympathetic, and try to be supportive, but unless you have or are going through infertility, you just don't understand.

We have to view our future differently now.  Now that traditional IVF is no longer an option for us, our future is not so "bright" anymore.  That same hope is no longer there.  But it is a different kind of hope, though I am not sure yet what it is.  One thing I do know and still believe in is that God has a plan for us, and that all things work for good, and according to his purpose.  We just got to figure out what His plan is.

32 comments:

  1. I'm so very, very sorry. I've only been through one failed cycle of IVF, and for us it was egg quality as well. Mech is a rockstar on the fertility front, so I know very much how you feel. Our RE has also brought up donor eggs. She wants to try at least two more IVF cycles with my eggs. We'll see. It's going to be a while since we've put treatments on hold until after our adoption. I'm hoping in the meantime to be healthier and happier. We were also extremely unhappy for years. Once we started our adoption, everything turned around. It's so hard to know and understand His purpose and His will through all of this. It's such a personal and intimate part of your life together as a couple. I think it varies for each couple, and somehow, He will make the answers apparent to you. Wishing you much peace and rest as you together work through this heartbreak and your next steps...

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  2. Hi

    I have read your blog for a while but havent posted .
    I am so sorry for the negative result .
    I know its a huge thing to go through IVF and its another step to consider donor eggs .
    We were considering IVF for a while and went to a clinic and got all the info but decided to wait as it seemed overwhelming.
    I admire you so much for making the effort you have mad so far in order to have your baby.
    I know certainly that if I was in your shoes I would absolutely change clinic and try to do one last ivf attempt with a different clinic as sometimes that works ( I know a friend of a friend who tried multiple IVF :s and got negative results each time , then she changed clinic , different lab , different protocol and it worked .)
    I think if you are going for donor eggs then you have no panic and can take some time to think it through.
    I think that if I was you I would absolutely change clinic and give it a last go with the hope of having your own child and if that doesnt work you will still have the option of donor eggs and then you will know that you have done all you could do before going for donor eggs .
    I will say a prayer for you for the strength and wisdom to make the right decision .
    I know this is an awfully hard situation.
    I am 38 now and had 2 miscarriages.We considered IVF after that but got pregnant a 3 rd time and I am now still pregnant w 21 and hoping for the best .
    I know that couples struggling with IF all have different situations but the pain of not being able to conceive when you want is probably the same for everyone .
    I would definitely for an evaluation to your current RE to ask what it is that makes them believe you have bad egg quality ?
    In our case we had a sperm -issue as hubby had high DNA defragmentation .
    What we did was lifestyle changes like more exercise for him - low carb diet and no alcohol for three months and acupuncture .
    It seem to have worked as it looks like I am keeping this baby but God knows what made the difference ? Life style change ? acupuncture ? coincidence ?
    Conception is still an unpredictable thing despite all research that is done in the area .
    I wish you good luck and will pray for you .
    Love Angie

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  3. I'm so sorry that it was negative. I've been praying, but realize no is always an answer option. I have lots of thoughts about donor eggs, but can't write them all out right now...the gist is I would use donor eggs. In a heartbeat...but it wasn't always that way. Praying for your wisdom and discernment and strength.

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  4. I am so sorry. Each failed cycle for us seemed to get easier and harder at the same time. Praying for you and B, for comfort and for clarity on your next steps.

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  5. Dang!! Hugs to you dear. Best of luck.

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  6. So sorry for the negative. Take some time with the hubby and figure out the best option for you.

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  7. I'm so sorry! Keep believing in God's plan for you. While you may not know what that plan is right now, He will make it known to you.

    I hope and pray that you can focus on strengthening your marriage and together can figure out what the next steps are for building your family.

    ((hugs))

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  8. So sorry to hear about the BFN. I hope you and the hubby are able to come to a decision about the donor issue

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  9. I am so very sorry for your BFN. I don't know if you would ever be willing to try IVF again, but honestly if I hadn't pushed my RE to try a very early Day 3 transfer I wouldn't be PG right now. We went through over 25 embryos, supposedly good quality up until Day 5 and after, before trying a new approach. I had already started going to therapy to deal with the fact that we were considering donor egg as well. If you don't think you can do another IVF, then take some time to heal and consider all your options. I considered the same thing though, that it wasn't fair to take my husband out of the equation just because we couldn't use my eggs. I had to sit him down and ask him point blank if he wanted to give up on using his DNA, because ultimately it wasn't really up to me anymore if I was out of the picture. It's going to take some time and I would recommend going to see someone so you and your husband can talk things over. Sometimes when someone else asks the questions the answers tend to change. I know you're in a difficult spot right now and I wish you weren't. You'll get through this like you've gotten through everything else. Know I'm praying for you both and you'll make the right decision no matter what it is.

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  10. I'm so sorry to hear that it was negative...again.

    A friend of mine sent me this link and I've added the supplement to my regime, not sure how much it will help but can't hurt, right?

    "I had my fertility clinic appt. today and one of the things recommended by the doctor is to take Co-enzyme Q10. It helps fertility in older women (helps the older egg to develop). You can get it in the vitamin supplement section of the drugstore. My doctor prescribed 300mg twice a day with food.

    Just wanted to share in case you weren't aware of this. It sounds promising since my fertility doctor said she has actually started to see some positive results with patients taking the supplement.

    Here is a link with more info.
    http://www.fertilityauthority.com/articles/coenzyme-q10-fertility-energy-older-eggs-and-sperm

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  11. So sorry for your beta results. Ugh...all this is so hard. Hope you are able to get to a good place with what your next steps should be. It's so true as we go along this road we become open to things that before we would never have thought possible.
    Hugs to you...

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  12. Hi, I've never commented before but admire you so much. It looks to me that you have done everything you possibly could. You are just in such a terrible situation. I prayed for you several times yesterday that you would get a positive result, but yet I know very well that God can have other plans for us. We TTC for a total of 7 years, during that time we adopted our son (2 yrs old) and then finally we fell pregnant naturally. In hindsight I can see that we wouldn't have our first son if we hadn't fought infertility for so long. He has some special needs and we know we are meant to be in each others lives. We can see God's plan for us was different than how we would have worked it out!
    I wanted to encourage you; because I have been so blessed and lucky to have 2 children (adopted and bio) I can honestly say that I love them the same amount in the same way, just one is older and has special needs, the other is a baby.
    Also, I live in New Zealand and our clinic almost always puts Embryos back at day 2 or 3, only going to day 5 if several tries at the earlier stage have failed. If you want to try everything before moving on then I would definitely try doing this. A lot of Embryos just don't survive long if they are grown for several days first outside the womb.
    And finally, I read a blog of another IF girl and she has recently had a baby through donor eggs. A few months ago she posted something from somewhere (I can't remember where) that said that the egg and sperm are like the blueprints for a house but growing in the mother's womb is like the actual building materials. If you use another woman's eggs then your flesh, blood, and nutrients are what actually make the baby. I thought this was the most awesome thing! So a baby made with donor eggs is still made form part of you!
    I am thinking of you a lot from across the world, even though you don't know me and I will continue to pray for you.
    Take care of yourself, Andrea.

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  13. Big tears, I'm so sorry, as I've been reading your blog for more than a year now. As someone who suffers from rising FSH numbers, 38 years of age, who has walked the halls of a fertility clinic, my heart aches for you. And I find your spirit to be beautiful. You've been through so much and I will continue to pray for you miracle. I will also pray for clarity and peace of heart as to how to move forward.

    Currently, I have a sweet friend who has been unsuccessful with IVF attempts, but has just received her miracle pregnancy through embryo adoption. And another older friend who knows my struggles recently revealed to me that her son was born through the use of donor eggs, as she tried IFV 6 times to no avail, but was determined to bring home a baby. I admire both of these women so much.

    Enough about stories of others, I'm sure you're sick of them by now, I know I was, but I did find promise in knowing that everyone does not receive their miracle in the same way. Ultimately, you will make the choice that is right for you and your husband. And we will be here at your side praying for you always.

    Keep on BELIEVING...big huggs

    ps. My therapist (counseled me on infertility issues) works with those who are going to use donor eggs or embryo adoption and says both options are very common although few talk about it.

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  14. Sorry to hear your news. If you ever want to talk about the egg donor thing (I used an egg donor)I would love to chat. It is defintely not what I had anticipated but it is a great option if your eggs aren't cooperating.
    Take care of yourself!

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  15. So sorry bad news has come crashing down on you again after things were looking pretty hopeful for a few days with all those embryos you had. I hope you will be guided to the right path...and soon! The donor egg idea does sound promising, and I know the clinic offers the shared risk program with that, which could be pretty great if you can afford it.

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  16. I am so very sorry for your loss! I wanted this so badly for you!

    All of these decision that we must make are so difficult, but you and Babe will pray and know what's best. Our last option was an egg donor, as well, but we've decided to move on from fertility treatments. After 2 cancelled IVF's and one failed cycle, we set our boundaries and we've met them. I have many friends who've used an egg donor and that's what got them their sweet baby, so I pray that if you choose that road, that you will be blessed.

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  17. Hello, just wanted to let you know that I have just come back from Czech with a souvenir from a donor egg. If you do decide to go this route, I would encourage you to look into using the Reprofit Clinic. I also used MyIVFAlternative to book everything for me for what ended up being an additional $2K. It cost me a total of $7800 for donor egg and donor sperm, plus I got a vacation out of it as well and am very early pregnant. It is such a cheaper alternative than spending $20-30K for a donor egg here in the States. If you want any further info, i started a blog at myreprofitivfjourney.wordpress.com. Wishing you all the best with your journey.

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  18. i'm so sorry to hear this news. we, too, did several rounds of fertility, including IVF. They all failed. I also have an egg issue. We eventually did domestic infant adoption and have our son. He's 2.5. We also recently did embryo adoption, and have our daughter who is 5 weeks. There are lots of options out there. I encourage you to pray about your next steps, and see where God is leading. I believe you will have your family.

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  19. im really sorry for your negative but glad that you are handling it ok. and it really is amazing how we come to change our minds on things we thought we wouldn't do when we are presented with a situation. i never thought we would be doing donor eggs, but here i am, 4.5 years into trying for a child and we are using donor eggs.... go figure. big hugs to you. (Tippy)

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  20. I am so sorry hun.....I know those negative results are just heartbreaking and taking the next step, whatever it is, is always hard. We all continue to evolve and change as time goes on and different situations help guide us down paths; some that we never would expect, but that are just as wonderful as those we thought. IF definitely guides us in ways none of us could foresee. I hope that whatever road you choose it brings you all the happiness that you deserve; TONS!!!! xo

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  21. I am so sorry for the negative and really hope you find a way to figure things out...

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  22. Hello from ICLW. I am so sorry for your negative results. My thoughts and prayers are with you.

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  23. I'm sorry to hear this news. I was just thinking the other day how being on this infertility journey has really opened my mind to other treatments I never thought about. I could never state it as eloquently as you did, but I just want to let you know your post struck a cord with me. I know it must have been hard to write/think about, but thank you for putting it out there.

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  24. I am so sorry to hear about your negative result. IVF is so draining (emotionally, financially, etc.) that it almost seems as though everyone SHOULD get a positive result, simply as a return on karmic investment. It sucks that it doesn't work that way.

    Sending much love your way, and hopes that the future path becomes clear.

    Jo

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  25. *hugs* I'm terribly sorry to hear about your BFN. We'll be starting our 3rd round of IVF in the fall and I know how hard it is to keep getting one negative after another. Stay strong.
    (ICLW)

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  26. I am so sorry for the negative. Many hugs to you.

    Here via ICLW.

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  27. A new reader from ICLW: I'm sorry to hear about your negative. Lots of hugs. I look forward to following your journey.

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  28. Also here from ICLW. I'm so sorry about your negative. Remember to follow your heart and do what's best for you in regards to donor eggs. It's a huge decision, and in a way would affect you much more deeply than your husband, although I can definitely understand wanting to give him his genetic offspring even if you couldn't have your own genetic offspring. It's just hard either way isn't it :(. Sending you prayers and love.

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  29. I'm so sorry for the negative beta. I hope you are holding up okay.
    Donor eggs are definitely something to think about. I hope you are able to find peace and happiness soon!

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  30. Old-time blogger, been in these trenches for many, many years...

    I know the profound despair you feel. It took 3 IUIs, 6 IVFs and finally donor egg IVF to have my miracle twins. Never thought I'd be on this life journey, but here I am.

    You and your DH may be days, weeks, months or years away from pursuing DE, but I can tell you FROM REAL LIFE EXPERIENCE that donor eggs can make your dream come true. Wish I had come to the decision sooner... you'll know when you're ready. Life CAN be sweet, and you will feel alive again.

    xoxo
    CatMama

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  31. I am so sorry to hear about it. I just came across your blog as I am going through my second IVF. I can totally relate to what you said about hope. I know that for me and my husband whenever we have "hope" for being pregnant, we are a much better couple. And when the hope goes away, I feel like we fall apart. I know very well how bad it is for relationships. I sometimes wonder if my husband and I can survive without this hope, but then I think that maybe it is because we put too much pressure on our relationship to be this married couple with children. Maybe when this pressure is gone, you and your husband can feel happy again. Please try it before you make any decisions. Try to be the happy couple you were before you tried to have children.

    xoxo
    Fellow IVF-er

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  32. Just sending love! I'm so disappointed for you and wish I could help in some way. Just know I'll be praying for wisdom and guidance for your next step, whatever God may have planned!

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