It's been almost 2 weeks since my last post. I've been in a bit of a funk...... feeling left behind by all of the pregnancy good news. Like the world is passing me by. I've heard that there are at least 5 confirmed pregnancies from the March transfer at NEDC. Plus one from one of my blog readers. March was a good month I guess.
I'm just waiting for time to pass, for the May transfer to come along. I have yet to find out what my transfer date is but I will have it before the end of the week. I found out that Katie, the NEDC nurse that I have been working with for the past year is leaving and her last day is this Friday. I will miss her and her quirky sense of humor. She is supposed to have our protocols out to us before she leaves, so I am expecting to get the protocol in the next couple of days, by Friday. I expect that once I receive the protocol, things will start feeling like it is moving along again.
I want to thank you for the comments you left at my last post. It was a bit of a downer, but it was how I felt at that time. I always want to be honest and sincere here on my blog. I was so touched by the kind comments and also emails, FB messages and texts I received. I have received more than one message that said that because of my blog, I made a difference in their lives. I am so humbled and touched by this. Infertility is such a difficult journey and sharing it not only helps makes it easier for me, but it also touches the lives of others. And for that I am grateful.
This last few weeks have been tough. A few of my friends have told me that I am a strong person, that my faith shows. Honestly, lately I feel like my faith has been shaken. I still believe in God, and that He has a plan for me. I just wonder what His plans really are, and if that includes having children in our family, or how those children will come to us. I know God has a plan for good things for me, but in the thick and thin of this right now, it is hard to see what it is.
So my question for you, dear readers, is what gets you through your toughest times? When you think the world is going to hell, and you are about to give up, what do you turn to? Would you share a bible verse with me? A quote? A poem?
I'd like to get this together and print them on 4x6 cards and bind them together in ring. Something I can read and meditate on when I am down. I put together a collection of bible verses for a friend when her husband was fighting cancer and I'd like to do the same here.
I already have a few bible verses I have saved, but would love to hear what yours are. I still cling to this:
Jeremiah 29:11 (NIV)
11 For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.
Here's my favorite. "as long as he sought The Lord, God gave him success." 2 Chronicles 26:5.
ReplyDeleteInfertility - along with some other life lessons which intertwined with my infertility journey - has taught me the beauty of God's perfect timing. When things get rough I remember that God doesn't make mistakes; His timing is perfect.
I hope getting the protocol this week helps get you out of the funk. I know I'm looking forward to it. Can't wait to hear your transfer date!
Hugs!!!! I can relate. Sometimes I wonder the same things, if we are even meant to be parents, and if we are, why we can't just know the path. It can be so tiring and discouraging. I have found I have to acknowledge my sadness/grief when it comes instead of ignoring it. It isn't wrong to process grief as long as you don't stay stuck in the negativity. So here are the things that help pull me up when I am down:
ReplyDeleteFavorite verses:
"Yet the Lord longs to be gracious to you; therefore he will rise up to show you compassion. For the Lord is a God of justice, Blessed are all who wait for him!" Isaiah 30:18
"A man’s heart plans his way, But the LORD directs his steps." - Proverbs 16:9
"Don’t worry about anything; instead, pray about everything. Tell God what you need, and thank him for all he has done."- Philippians 4:6
"LORD, you know the hopes of the helpless. Surely you will hear their cries and comfort them."- Psalm 10:17
"The unfailing love of the LORD never ends! By his mercies we have been kept from complete destruction. Great is his faithfulness; his mercies begin afresh each day. I say to myself, "The LORD is my inheritance; therefore, I will hope in him!"- Lamentations 3:22-24
Favorite Songs:
"For the Good"- Shane and Shane (my very favorite!!), "Lord, I Need You"- Matt Maher, "It is Well"-hymn, "Help Me Find It"- Sidewalk Prophets, "Psalm 13"- Shane and Shane, "If You Want Me To"- Ginny Owens
Be Strong and of Good Courage; Be Not Afraid, Neither be thou Dismayed: For the Lord Thy God Shall Lead thee withersoever thou goest - Josua 1:9
ReplyDelete“Ask yourself, 'How did God bless me today?' If you do that long enough and with faith, you will find yourself remembering blessings. And sometimes, you will have gifts brought to your mind which you failed to notice during the day, but which you will then know were a touch of God’s hand in your life.” –Henry B. Eyring
Jeremiah 29:11 is still my favorite verse. Except I would always cling to the words of "hope" and "future". What God revealed to me in my time of pain after the miscarriage in that verse was "plans to PROSPER you" and "not to harm you". I realized that all of the hard questions I'd been asking God, i.e. "Why, Why, Why?" were answered right there in that verse.
ReplyDeleteGod revealed that verse to me and bolded "prosper" and "not to harm" as He wanted me to know that He was using my trials for good. God told me that He never intended to harm Jesus, but that Jesus' dying on the cross was to prosper US. So I can only believe that the trials we go through, God's gonna use them for good somewhere down the road.
Hang in there, sweet lady. I feel very much that your faith will be rewarded and you will have a baby in your arms very soon. **HUGS** and prayers ^^^
Mel @ thereisahigherhope.blogspot.com
Romans 12:12
ReplyDeleteNew International Version (NIV)
12 Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer.
Dear friend.... and I know that we don't know each other but I do pray for you often and your blog was one that I found at one of the darkest moments of my life.... in the months after I buried my daughter. The comment box is no place to go into the details and the long story of it but to simply answer your question, I have 5 living and 5 dead children. My life does not involve a white picket fence... but it DOES involve a God who has met me at the darkest places in the darkest hours and has shown me that He knows pain. Ive struggled through many faith challenges and many "what do I really believe" moments including being mad at God and "is He who He says He really is" and I have run the gamut..... but in those days after my daughter died, I struggled afresh and as I told the Lord that I could trust Him (decades of struggling through muddy waters at this point) but that I didn't know what to say to others who were struggling I heard Him clear as day tell me that it was hard for Him to watch my child die just as it was hard for Him to watch His Child die.... but He DID watch His Child die because He loved me that much.
ReplyDeleteThe enormous-ness of His love just over whelmed me. It changed my perspective. He had the power to stop the death of His Child.... one of the worst things a person can experience... the death of a child (or the death of the possibility of a child..."death" encompasses so many things)... and He did -WITH FULL KNOWLEDGE OF THE PAIN AND AGONY!- out of love for me (and you and everyone else!).
That is actually what gets me through. He has experienced everything that I have to go through and He understands.... He feels it. And, He made a way for me to be with Him through it all....
Honestly, I STILL struggle on many days with many things but this is the foundation on which I stand and I know that at the end of the day, I will still be standing because He said so.
Dear friend, I am fervently praying that as successful as March was for your clinic, that May will be even more so because it will count you among it's victories! That come June, your little one(s) will be snuggled safely in your womb. ((((hugs))))
I had a sweet friend ask my the other day, "What is harder....moving forward or giving up?" It put it into a new perspective for me. I would grieve giving up on having a child harder than I would grieve the very difficult steps it would take to get me there. So I journey on....the same friend sent my Psalm 46. I saw this in it for the first time, "5 God is in the midst of her; she shall not be moved; God will help her when morning dawns." blessings, Charis
ReplyDeletewww.NRFA.org
Hi, sweetie. What got me through? You and the PW gals, in large part!
ReplyDeleteVerse: Proverbs 3:5 Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding.
Song: Before the Morning, by Josh Wilson.
"Therefore, since we are surrounded by so great a cloud of witnesses, let us also lay aside every weight and the sin that clings so closely, and let us run with perseverance the race that is set before us, looking to Jesus the pioneer and perfecter of our faith, who for the sake of the joy that was set before him endured the cross, disregarding its shame, and has taken his seat at the right hand of the throne of God." Hebrews 12:1-2
ReplyDeleteI love these verses and they carry me as well.
Scriptures and music is what encourages me and lifts me up when I'm feeling down. (And carried me through our failed EA.) Jeremiah 29:11 is what my husband and I clung to because we knew that God would be faithful to His promises. Romans 12:12 is the verse I picked at the beginning of this year and it has definitely been an encouragement to me through our adoption journey. Keep seeking God. He has a wonderful plan for you and growing your family!
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