Wednesday, February 20, 2013

About Our Roadblock, Plus Updates

As you know, Babe and I have encountered a roadblock to our embryo adoption process.  If you have been praying for us, thank you.  I really appreciate it.

At our home visit with our social worker on January 24th, we told Ms. J that we have decided we want to pursue embryo adoption.  We would need to have a completed home study to be able to adopt with NEDC.  We had struggled with when to tell our adoption agency that we wanted pursue embryo adoption.  And honestly, we ourselves struggled with the decision whether to adopt embryos for a very long time.  We could have just waited for our home study to be completed, and then tell them, or we could be upfront and tell them right away.  So at the home visit, we told Ms. J.  Since this agency has never done embryo adoption before, she wasn't sure how to proceed.  She would speak with her manager and get back to me.

After waiting for 3 weeks, we found out that a home study completed by agency our cannot be used for embryo adoption.  Their reasoning...... they do not have expertise in embryo adoption.  They cannot approve us for embryo adoption and cannot use a domestic adoption home study for embryo adoption purpose.

This was such a shocker, and so frustrating!!  We were so close to getting our home study completed and approved.  We feel like we were being punished for being honest!  We could have kept them in the dark, completed the home study, and then told them, by the way, we want to adopt embryos with someone else!  Now we will have to find another agency and start our home study again from scratch.  Just thinking about the time, cost and effort we would have to put into it again totally upsets me!!

We still don't understand entirely why they won't let us do it.  It sounds like this issue has been discussed quite thoroughly with the managers and board of directors, and it sounded like the decision come from the directors.  It doesn't sound like much is going to change in this area.  We have a meeting with the domestic infant adoption manager tomorrow just to talk things through, try and understand where they are coming from, and where that leaves us.

I looked around for other agencies that will do just a home study, and we found a few.  We found one that was $2,100.  Most other places, the home study (including application fee) comes up to $3,400 or $3,500.  We found an agency that we are comfortable with, where a few other couples from our support group have gone through.  It's tempting to just go with the agency with the cheapest home study fee, but we are looking at things in the long run.  If embryo adoption does not work out for us, we will continue our adoption process with this agency.

So this morning, I dropped off our application, including our $400 application fee at the new adoption agency (will talk about them in another post).  I had a chance to meet one of the ladies that I spoke to on the phone.  They seem really nice there, and I hope we will have a good experience there.  My friends who adopted their babies from there really like the agency, so that's a good thing.

Then this morning, I also received an email from NEDC with a few dates for our initial appointment in Knoxville.  We have picked the first date they have available for us.  May 22nd!  Now we wait for a confirmation from NEDC and we will have to start looking at flights, car rental and a hotel!


  1. That is so frustrating about your agency not being willing to conduct your home study because it is for an embryo adoption! But, it is very exciting that the NEDC emailed you dates for your initial appointment and mock transfer...May is not too far off! :)

  2. How frustrating! I don't have any experience in homestudies, but I would assume a homestudy is a homestudy. What difference does it make if it's for adoption or embyro adoption, it's still a homestudy! I can't believe how expensive it is to get one done.

    I hope May 22nd will come very quickly for you!

  3. That is frustrating. Adoption roadblocks that cost more money can be discouraging. Satan will through all kinds of discouragement our way in adoption. We just keep fighting to bring these little ones out of the freezer!
    You will love the NEDC. If you don't wait long. You can get GREAT ticket prices through expedia. I kid you not! About 1/2 going through the airlines, but the cheap tix sell out about 6 weeks out. So, if you get your date, then book them! We waited1 week too long to book for our FET at the NEDC and it cost us $500 more. (see the roadblocks and speed bumps keep coming till the end!!) Car rental, Thrifty was by far cheapest and we had fast service at the counter and the car was ready. Hotel, we used points. We stay in Turkey Creek right around the corner from the NEDC.

  4. That's terrible! I can't believe that an adoption agency would be unwilling to do a homestudy for any type of adoption.

    There will always be roadblocks... but once you get your baby (or babies) it will all be so worth it!

  5. We have our FET with NEDC in less than 30 days. You will love them. We have had a few surprises, but stay strong!! Our SW had no problem just updating our study to include that we are approved for an embryo adoption, that is crazy they would not do that. For our mock transfer appt we booked right away and flights were 700 for both of us. We had 2 layovers though. Coming from the west. We stayed right by airport to help limit our car rental costs and used points too!! Good luck and after the mock transfer things move fast. If they can get your home study done by your appt you could be in July transfer cycle.

  6. Hi from ICLW. Wow the fees we pay out to get a child are just crazy.

  7. WHAT?? That is simply crazy! An adoption is an adoption. Should not at all matter that it is for an embryo. Our SW had no qualms with it at all, but I think the NEDC also didn't require it state for embryo adoption. I think ours was written for a domestic adoption. I can only imagine your frustration. Hang in there though! May really is just around the corner!