Saturday, February 18, 2012

Other People's Kids


So as I reread my last post, I realize that I sound like a whiny brat, complaining about watching other people's kids.

To clarify, I don't mind watching other people's kids..... sort of.

In a way I kind of dread doing it, but yet when I do it, I usually enjoy it.  To a certain extent.

I enjoy hanging out with my goddaughter and her little brother, and it's great to receive hugs and kisses from them. To know that they care about you, and that you are an important part of their lives.  But at the same time, it's hard because you know they are not yours, and you desperately want kids to call your own.  For someone to call you "mommy", and know they don't want anyone else more than you, because you are their mommy or daddy.  The ones that can fix anything with a hug and a kiss.  You want to hear, "I don't want you, I want my mommy" and know that that person is you!

For Babe, he looks forward to hanging out with his nieces and nephews, and friends' kids.  For him it's a way to influence young minds (good and bad!!).  He's also a kid magnet, and ALL his nieces and nephews just adore him.  Whenever we get together, the kids always ask for Uncle "Babe".  But never for me.

I think this is partly my own fault.  I used to spend a lot more time with the (at that time only a couple of) nieces and nephews.   But as time went on, more and more nieces and nephews started popping up, and more of our friends started having first one, then more kids.  And as we spent more and more years in our infertility struggle, I became more and more reluctant to spend time with the nieces and nephews and friends' kids.

I guess it is a reminder of the struggle of what we desperately want, but can't have.  And to be honest, I resent the attention that Babe gives his nieces and nephews when he should be giving it to our kids, if only we had any.  And the resentment of the time and money we've spent on these kids, in babysitting, in birthday parties, in Christmas/birthday presents, etc.  Will/would they return the favors if we had/have kids?  Would they be offering to watch our kids?

What about you? Do you feel the same way?  Do you like spending time with other people's kids?

If you are still trying to conceive on your own, what are your feeling about other peoples kids, especially your nieces and nephews?  If you once struggled, and now have biological kids or have adopted, how did you feel and how do you feel now?


  1. I do not live close to my nieces/nephews but when we were struggling, I had a hard time when the family had gatherings. I still do today even after having my son knowing how easy it was for them. I love my nieces/nephews but it will always be hard. BTW, I do not think you were being whiny in your last post. I think IF is very difficult and your feelings are very normal.

  2. I loved spending time with my nieces and nephews when we were TTC. I developed a very close relationship with my niece because her parents were way too busy for her so I kind of took her under my wing. She would spend every weekend with us.

    And while I enjoyed spending time with them, at the end of the day, I was still a little sad that we didn't have OUR own kids.

    I totally understand where you are coming from. I know it's hard. But know that the time you are spending with your nieces and nephews, they will cherish it. My nieces and nephews still get SO excited to come over to our house.

  3. I'm in the same boat we don't have our own children been trying for 8 1/2 years now. the jealoust and envy does come in I HATE THAT part about myself, but I'm not so worried about spending time with my nieces and nephews/ great nieces and great nephews I don't want their SINGLE mothers and SINGLE grandmothers to get it twisted because my husband is spending time with their children....DOES NOT mean he needs to spend time with the mothers...