Today, I stopped by my sister-in-law's (Babe's sister) to drop something off. I stayed a few minutes to chat and she dropped this question, prefacing with something to the fact of (I don't remember her exact words), I don't want to intrude or be totally off .... but.....:
"Do you guys need a surrogate?"
I was like.... What the..... huh??
Where did that come from? I don't really even remember what I said exactly as I was too shocked. I asked her why she would say something like that.
SIL said that well, we (Babe and I) have been married for quite a few years now, what is it, 8? (it will be 10), and most people either want kids or don't. And since we are so good with kids, she assumed that we did (of course we do). She and her other sister thought that maybe we were having issues (so, they have discussed us already?). She offered that if we need a surrogate she would be willing to do it (she has 2 kids already). She also said she is now 38 (same age as me) and is getting older, and can't be too old if she were to do it.
This is interesting. I wonder what her definition of surrogacy is, or how much she knows about it. I wonder if she meant gestational surrogate/carrier. A friend once explained to me that a traditional surrogate is one that the surrogate (pregnant woman), is the biological mother, meaning that the sperm is from the couple, but the egg is from the woman carrying the baby. A gestational surrogate/carrier does not have any genetic ties to the baby, i.e. the baby is not conceived with eggs of the woman carrying the baby.
I'm assuming that she meant gestational surrogacy. We sure don't want babies created with the egg and sperm from a brother and sister!
Anyway, I don't really remember what my reply was because I was struggling to some up with a response. I think I said something like no we won't be going down that route. I didn't want to discuss the details of our infertility journey, at least not right now.
I doubt she knows that we have gone through multiple IVFs, or that the issue is with my eggs. She may just be guessing that the issue is with me (which it is) and not Babe (i.e. her brother), but offered to help. In the end I just said that we will be making some decisions fairly quickly and left it at that. I didn't want to share what we have gone through or what our next steps are since we don't really know.
After I left, I felt kind of bad because I don't think I even thanked her for her offer. And it is a very generous offer. It was hard to respond on the spot when such a question was thrown at me. I think I may have to thank her for her offer later, when I put more thought about what to say, and when we know more about what our next steps are.
It also made me think if she or my other SIL may have ran across my blog and guessed it is me? As I was writing this post, Babe came into the room and read the first part of the blog. He cautioned me that one day, she may read this post. I thought about it too, but what this heck, this is my blog after all, and it is a way for me to express myself. I am writing it anonymously (and hope to keep it that way). I can't be too worried about who reads it, or it will defeat the purpose of blogging. Plus this post is not a negative one.
Anyway, if my SIL is reading this and figures out this is me..... well hello. And thanks for the offer.
Wow..... makes me wonder what types of discussions about Babe and I go on in the family.