Tomorrow (Monday) morning I go back for my second beta. My first beta on Thursday was 159. NEDC wants to see the number quadruple tomorrow for this pregnancy to be viable and healthy. The beta number is supposed to double every 48 hours and since I had to wait till Monday because of the weekend, they want to see then number to be in the 500's or higher since it would have been 4 days since my first beta.
Last night, as I was laying in bed trying to sleep, I started to worry.
What if my beta doesn't quadruple on Monday?
What if there is an empty sac instead of a baby at the 6 week appointment?
What if there is no heartbeat at the 9 week appointment?
What if I have a miscarriage?
A lot of things can still go wrong!
After being on this infertility journey for so long, and having so many friends that have experienced miscarriages and losses including myself, I can't help by worry about such things. People that have not gone through this do not have such worries. Pregnancy is usually a rosy and happy journey for them. And most won't understand or relate to why people like me would worry so much. But if you are/were like me, you know what it's like. You understand.
As I was laying there unable to sleep, I began to pray. I asked God.... no I BEGGED Him to please let this pregnancy stick. Please please let me have a great beta number tomorrow, and for this be a healthy and viable pregnancy. I've come so far and I don't know if I want to do this all over again if something bad happens.
And you know what? He gently reminded me again that He is in control. There is nothing that I can do to prevent or cause a miscarriage. He has blessed me with a miracle and I should relish and enjoy my pregnancy. I need to just let go and trust in him. No matter what happens, he's got it. He is in control.
That really comforted me. And at the same time, annoyed me because I still feel the need to be in control. I realize now that this has been an area that I have struggled with for so long. He is still working on this in me.
It is freeing to know that I can just let go. I'm still learning to truly trust God and lean on Him and His plans for me.
"For I know the plans I have for you", declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not harm you, plans to give you hope and a future"
- Jeremiah 29:11
Please continue to pray for us and our 2nd beta tomorrow. I will update you when I hear from Katie in the afternoon.
Showing posts with label Jeremiah 29:11. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Jeremiah 29:11. Show all posts
Sunday, February 2, 2014
Sunday, March 21, 2010
Fertilization Report
The nurse from the embryology lab called this morning. Out of the 8 eggs retrieved, 6 were mature. Only 1 fertilized.
ONE.
I'm disappointed. I would be lying if I said I'm OK with the outcome. I am quite shocked that only 1 of the 6 fertilized. That is a 16.7% fertilization rate.
At my last IVF, we retrieved 12 eggs, and out of those, 8 were fertilized. That was a 66.7% fertilization rate. From that I only had 2 that made it to day-5 blastocysts. Both were transfered, and we had none to freeze. I got a BFN.
If I had 8 embies at my last IVF, and only 2 survived to day 5, what are the chances of 1 making it this time?
I still have hope that this one embie will make it. It just has to. I remember the story I read on the BabyCenter boards about the Golden Egg, where if I remember it right, this lady only had one egg retrieved, and it fertilized. It was a so-so quality embryo, but it made it to transfer and she delivered a beautiful baby. So it only takes one!
Will this embie be a Golden Embie? I am hopeful. But to be honest, I'm not too optimistic about it.
But yet, I continue to put my faith in God, and hang on to my favorite Bible verse that have given me strength over the last few years.
Jeremiah 29:11 (NIV)
"For I know the plans I have for you", declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future".
So I continue to hang on to the promise that God has plans for my Babe and I, plans to prosper us, and not to harm us. Plans to give us hope and a future. I have to remember that. And I choose to believe that.
At church today, we had a couple, some friends of ours, pray with us. They are aware of our TTC struggles, so it was really comforting to pray with them. Both of them said they have a really good feeling, that they see a baby in our future. Not sure if it's in the near future, as in this cycle, or later. But it's still comforting. I left church feeling a new sense of peace. We also have a whole bunch of other church friends and my sister and her family lifting us up in prayer this whole time. We are truly blest to have so many people praying for us.
This afternoon, my Babe and I were joking about baby names for our future kids. I know it is WAY too early to even discuss baby names, but we were goofing around and having a great time. We have never discussed baby names before this, EVER. It is something that we just avoided because we have been disappointed for such a long time. So this was something new for us. It was quite refreshing actually. Somehow, it was uplifting, to discuss something that gives us so much hope. I think we may have agreed on a boy's name, but of course we are not sharing that yet. When I suggested it, my Babe's reaction was "that's a good name". That was good enough for me because it has always been my favorite name. We'll see..... we may change our minds.
I should be getting another call from the embryology lab on Tuesday about the status of my embies, and information about my transfer. But I may call the clinic tomorrow anyway to see if I can find out more information about the progress of my embies from the last couple of days. I'll see what they say about doing a day-3 transfer instead of a day-5.
Please continue to pray for my Little Embie, yes I'm naming him/her. Pray that Little Embie will continue to multiply and grow strong, and develop to a strong little blastocyst for transfer.
ONE.
I'm disappointed. I would be lying if I said I'm OK with the outcome. I am quite shocked that only 1 of the 6 fertilized. That is a 16.7% fertilization rate.
At my last IVF, we retrieved 12 eggs, and out of those, 8 were fertilized. That was a 66.7% fertilization rate. From that I only had 2 that made it to day-5 blastocysts. Both were transfered, and we had none to freeze. I got a BFN.
If I had 8 embies at my last IVF, and only 2 survived to day 5, what are the chances of 1 making it this time?
I still have hope that this one embie will make it. It just has to. I remember the story I read on the BabyCenter boards about the Golden Egg, where if I remember it right, this lady only had one egg retrieved, and it fertilized. It was a so-so quality embryo, but it made it to transfer and she delivered a beautiful baby. So it only takes one!
Will this embie be a Golden Embie? I am hopeful. But to be honest, I'm not too optimistic about it.
But yet, I continue to put my faith in God, and hang on to my favorite Bible verse that have given me strength over the last few years.
Jeremiah 29:11 (NIV)
"For I know the plans I have for you", declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future".
So I continue to hang on to the promise that God has plans for my Babe and I, plans to prosper us, and not to harm us. Plans to give us hope and a future. I have to remember that. And I choose to believe that.
At church today, we had a couple, some friends of ours, pray with us. They are aware of our TTC struggles, so it was really comforting to pray with them. Both of them said they have a really good feeling, that they see a baby in our future. Not sure if it's in the near future, as in this cycle, or later. But it's still comforting. I left church feeling a new sense of peace. We also have a whole bunch of other church friends and my sister and her family lifting us up in prayer this whole time. We are truly blest to have so many people praying for us.
This afternoon, my Babe and I were joking about baby names for our future kids. I know it is WAY too early to even discuss baby names, but we were goofing around and having a great time. We have never discussed baby names before this, EVER. It is something that we just avoided because we have been disappointed for such a long time. So this was something new for us. It was quite refreshing actually. Somehow, it was uplifting, to discuss something that gives us so much hope. I think we may have agreed on a boy's name, but of course we are not sharing that yet. When I suggested it, my Babe's reaction was "that's a good name". That was good enough for me because it has always been my favorite name. We'll see..... we may change our minds.
I should be getting another call from the embryology lab on Tuesday about the status of my embies, and information about my transfer. But I may call the clinic tomorrow anyway to see if I can find out more information about the progress of my embies from the last couple of days. I'll see what they say about doing a day-3 transfer instead of a day-5.
Please continue to pray for my Little Embie, yes I'm naming him/her. Pray that Little Embie will continue to multiply and grow strong, and develop to a strong little blastocyst for transfer.
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