Saturday, June 29, 2013

Donor Family Photos

We have now received both the draft copies of the Open Donation Agreements for each of the donor families.  Babe and I will have to review this in detail this weekend and get back to Debbie if we have any questions or concerns, or if anything needs to be changed.  After that we will sign and notarize the contracts and we should be set.   Hopefully, we will have a transfer date from NEDC soon.

For ease of discussion, I will refer to our donor families as Family A (our first choice) & Family B (second choice).

Family B sent us 2 pictures of their twins when they first approved us to adopt their embryos.  They volunteered the photos back then.  Today Debbie sent me an email with more pictures from Family B.   They sent us a total of 8 photos, 2 of which we had already received.  The photos range from newborn to pretty recent, probably within the last couple of months.  Such adorable kids!  They also included a family photo including the mom & dad, so now we know what they look like too.  Debbie also included a note from the mom of Family B stating that they are grateful and blessed we are moving forward with their precious embryos.  She also suggested I consider doing acupuncture for this transfer as there are many benefits to doing so.  I am happy she mentioned that as I am planning on doing acupuncture anyways.

I am grateful that we have received more information about Family B, especially the photos.  I've even now had a chance to receive communication from the mom (though the note was forwarded).  I feel like I have more connection with Family B now, though they are our second choice.  They have been so open and gracious with their family's information.  I wish we would be able to get more information about Family A like we did with Family B.  Family A is our first choice because physically they are a better match for us.

We did not request any photos from Family A, but deep down I was hoping they would volunteer to provide them.  We did not offer any photos of ourselves at this point.  In fact, Babe would prefer to hold off on providing photos of us until we are pregnant/until a baby is born.   This is for our privacy, and also for my peace of mind.  I don't know how I would handle it if I'm not able to get pregnant or if I were to miscarry.  So, because we did not offer any photos, we would not be comfortable asking Family A for photos.

This leaves me in kind of a dilemma.  Family A is our first choice because the baby/babies would like more like us.  But we are starting to have a bit more of a connection with Family B.  We still have time to change our minds on our preference of donor families, but now I am less confident in our choice.

We are adopting 5 embryos from Family A, and 3 embryos from Family B (we need to have a minimum of 6).  Depending on if/how many embryos survive the thaw, we may only need embryos from ONE family.

Should we make our decision based on physical characteristics that match us, or on the fact that we now know more about a certain family?  Thoughts?


  1. I think you should make your decision on what you feel is right. It sounds like family B is much more open and that can be a sign of what your future relationship together will be like. Trust your gut. :)

  2. I agree with Life Happens. Go with what feel right in your soul. It truly sounds like you have developed a sort of bond with family B. Even though family A shares more physical characteristics isn't what truly bonds us to one another the emotional aspect. Go with where your hearts lead you.

  3. Honestly, this is a tough call. Though Family A is physically more alike to you and Babe, the reality is that embryo adoption is leads to children who want to know about their biological connection. With Family B, it sounds like accessing that information will be a lot easier and will help heal any adoption scars that are there. It's not to say that Family A won't be that way, but it's a possibility.

    For most people I would tell them to go down the path that is open to them. But in addition, I would suggest you also pray about it. The answer will be in your heart.

  4. I passionately believe that the blessing and miracle of any type of adoption has nothing to do with physical characteristics. I believe that your hearts are being pulled in a direction for a reason. Follow that instinct!

  5. In my experience on this journey, you have to do what feels right and what you are being pulled to. I made the pros/cons lists and analyzed them, but, in the end, didn’t use that to make my decision. I made decisions through my heart and through my faith. Thank God for that! Follow what feels right, not what looks right on paper. You won’t regret it, ever.

  6. Decisions decisions! I would say trust your heart... if you feel better about Family B, then go for it! :)

  7. Hi! I can't tell you which way to go (and you may have already made the decision!). Just follow your heart - and take God and your brain with you. ; )

    We went with the family that felt like we could have a beer with. We did an open adoption and we wanted to make sure that we could be friends with these folks down the road.