More On The Donor Families & The ODA

Last Friday, we had our phone meeting with Debbie, our counselor from the National Fertility Support Center to go over our Open Donation Agreement (ODA).  She had spoken to each family prior to our conversation so she shared some more info about each of the families.

Both sets of families seem like really great families.  They are happy to have their embryos chosen to be adopted by us.  They also seem very thoughtful and concerned about how we feel and want to respect our privacy.  Both families have very similar infertility stories to ours.  They both had twins - the first a set of boy twins, and the second a set of boy/girl twins.  What's cooler is both sets of twins were born a week from each other.

Debbie shared with us the first names of the both couples, as well as the children's.  It was really nice to be able to refer to the couple by name instead of donor numbers.  They will now also know our first names.  We share a few things in common with the families, things like similar occupations and having the same college degrees. We also enjoy the same type of music, play the same musical instruments, and played the same sports in high school.  One of the couples also did acupuncture during one of their IVF cycles.  Debbie said it was good to find things that we have in common other than just physical characteristics.  It would make it easier and more natural to develop a relationship with the families in the future if we have something in common to talk about and be able to relate to.

We went over the details of the ODA.  It was a relief to find out that we are all on the same page regarding communication for the future.  One thing that is somewhat new that we talked about is as part of the agreement, we would send MUTUAL updates to each other.  That means not only do we provide the donor families with updates of our child(ren), the donor families will also share information and updates about their children (genetic siblings).  I think this is a win-win for all parties.  In addition, the donor families have agreed to have their identities and contact information be made available to the child(ren) once the child(ren) turns 18.  If we decide to have personal contact prior to that, that will be at the discretion of both parties (both us and the donor family).

I am super excited about both our donor families.  I have a little bit of a mixed feeling.  In a way I wish that I could have a relationship with both families, which could still happen.  It would require one or more of the following scenarios:

• Some of the embryos not survive the thaw (we don't want that!) and we would require embryos from both families.
• We don't get pregnant the first try and need to go back for a second try with the second donor family, assuming we don't have any embryos left from the first family.
• We get pregnant with the first donor family, and we go back for a second child in the future with the second donor family.

But if we get pregnant with twins, I don't know if we will try to have anymore children.  Argh.... so many possibilities!  There is also the possibility that I am not able to get pregnant at all! Then I won't be able to have any relationship with either family at all.  And I would hate to disappoint not just myself, but also the donor families.

But I don't want to think about that now.  I have to keep reminding myself that God is in control.  He has already chosen our child(ren) and that is in His hands.

We received a copy of the ODA that we will sign with one of the families.  Babe and I will review that and get back to Debbie with questions or changes.  Eventually we will have to have the agreement, which is technically a contract, signed and notarized.  We will need to sign 2 agreements, one with each donor family.  Then NEDC will assign us a transfer date in September.