That's how I've been feeling lately. Sorry I haven't been posting for quite a few days. I've been feeling kinda blah, and feeling sorry for myself lately. Just a little. Ok, maybe not so little.
I can't help but feel like I'm old as dirt. At least on starting a family right now. It doesn't help that I have a bunch of bright grey hairs in the most obvious spots of my head (I have straight black hair) staring back at me every time I look in the mirror. Or that I can't help but notice that I have to move my reading materials just a tad bit further from my face when I read anything lately.
But mostly, the thought that if I am EXTREMELY lucky, I just might, possibly be pregnant on my 40th birthday. That is IF I am able to get through my initial appointment and mock transfer without and issues in May. And IF I manage to get an appointment for a transfer in July. And IF it is actually successful and I get pregnant. And after all that, IF I am able to stay pregnant, I just could possibly be a first time mom after 40!
That is ALOT of IFs and ANDs! Realistically, I would be extremely fortunate to be able to be a first time mom after I turn 41.
Babe and I have had more than one conversation about if we are too old to be parents. Here are some thoughts:
- We probably won't have as much energy as most other parents of kids our age.
- Friends of our kids will probably have grandparents our age.
- We will probably not be able to be as active with our kids activities as we'd like to.
- We will be close to 60 or older when our oldest graduates from high school...... if we are lucky.
- We will probably not be able to save enough for our kid(s) to pay for college.
- We will probably never be able to retire.
- We will probably not be around to meet our grandkids.
Has anyone else felt this way? I have not met too many people that have gone through infertility as long as we have, or as close to 40 as I am and becoming a parent for the first time..... whether in real life or in the blogworld.
While trying to get myself ready for our embryo transfer this summer or fall, I started looking around for pregnancy books for women over 35 or 40. There really aren't that many out there. There were a few that I found, but did not have very good reviews.
Can anyone recommend a good pregnancy book or resource for pregnancy after 35 or 40?
On a happier note, last Friday I was able to meet up with a couple of ladies for dinner that has adopted embryos from NEDC. One is Katie, one of the gals from our Patiently Waiting adoption group who now has a set of twins at home. The other is Malia from the blog Adoption Homestead, who is currently pregnant with an embryo adopted through NEDC as well. Malia was in town and we were able to meet for the first time. It was nice to be able to meet and talk about our stories and experiences, one that has been there and now has babies at home, another that is pregnant, and me that is just now going through the process. We hope to continue meeting up as we all walk through our adoption journeys together.
A-Here are 2 books/resources that CCRM has on their list.
ReplyDeleteParenting after 40
London, Nancy (2001) Hot flashes, Wann bottles: First time moJhers oxer 40. Berkely, Celestial Arts.
Nagel, Doreen (2002) But I don't feel too old to be a Mommy
You will be 40 and fabulous! Those are all legitimate concerns that you have for parenting at 40, but just remember that everyone's life journey is different. And your path is to be parents later than what the 'norm' is, and that's okay. :)
ReplyDeleteI'm glad you were able to meet up with some others. It's always nice to be able to talk to others who are going through the same things. Wishing you the best!
So cool that u were able to have dinner with Katie and Malia! I hope their stories encouraged your heart...(Hugs)! And u aren't too old! :)
ReplyDeleteLet me give you some good news. I got pregnant miraculously and naturally after turning 40 after 11.5 years of trying and numerous operations, IUI's and IVF's. I'm now 42 and trying for #2. We were also a bit worried about being older parents but so far our fears were just that and nothing more. We love our LB so much and I believe he keeps us young! All I can say is; "Go fot it!"
ReplyDeleteI think 40 isn't as "old" as it used to be as far as parenting goes. My GM had her last when she was 43. She's still around and completely independent at 91 and all of us grandkids (I'm the oldest, the youngest is 4) know and love her. We also have friends who adopted their first at 41 and 43 and their 2nd just a few months ago (4 yrs after the 1st). I think there are also some distinct benefits of being "older" parents - increased patience to name one.
ReplyDeleteIt was awesome to meet you and Katie! You are not too old. Now days so many people are waiting longer to start families!
ReplyDeleteI had Ebeth at 40 and Sarah one month shy of my 43rd bday and am 45 now going through EA once again! So great you got to meet EA ladies! I loved being a momma in my 20's,30s, but ESPECIALLY love it now in my 40s!!
ReplyDeleteI am not too far behind you girl! We are older more wiser moms (I say this because I have hope it's going to happen for you) then those young chicks. :) I went to a moms group today and some of the women were talking about the years they graduated from high school and I just laughed and thought wow! I was getting married when you graduated from high school lol..
ReplyDeleteI totally understand your concerns. I am 44 now and pregnant with my 3rd. I think some of my family even wonder why we would have 3 since I am so old. Ha! But, we have so many friends in our situation which really helps us. My mom and dad are over the moon with the thought of being grandparents again at 70! I'm just sad that they won't be around as long to see them grow up. But, I do trust in God's plan and timing and have learned to let some of the future concerns go and just enjoy what is now!
ReplyDeleteHi... new reader here... and can I ever relate to this post! Hubby and I had our daughter when I was 36, and he was 42. We desperately wanted a second, but called it quits shortly after my 40th birthday (and my 4th miscarriage). We quit when we did for all the reasons that you stated... we do want to retire, we want to pay for our daughter's education, etc. As much as I have struggled with the decision, having our daughter has made it easier to bear, and I'm not sure the decision to quit when we did would have been the same if we didn't have her. This was the right decision for us, though- this is our journey. I can say that there are lots of advantages to being 'more mature' when you have children- I am infinitely more secure and more patient than I was in my 20's. Trust your instincts- that's the best advice I have. I knew when it was time to call it quits, and you will, too.
ReplyDeleteNice postt thanks for sharing
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