That's how I've been feeling lately. Sorry I haven't been posting for quite a few days. I've been feeling kinda blah, and feeling sorry for myself lately. Just a little. Ok, maybe not so little.
I can't help but feel like I'm old as dirt. At least on starting a family right now. It doesn't help that I have a bunch of bright grey hairs in the most obvious spots of my head (I have straight black hair) staring back at me every time I look in the mirror. Or that I can't help but notice that I have to move my reading materials just a tad bit further from my face when I read anything lately.
But mostly, the thought that if I am EXTREMELY lucky, I just might, possibly be pregnant on my 40th birthday. That is IF I am able to get through my initial appointment and mock transfer without and issues in May. And IF I manage to get an appointment for a transfer in July. And IF it is actually successful and I get pregnant. And after all that, IF I am able to stay pregnant, I just could possibly be a first time mom after 40!
That is ALOT of IFs and ANDs! Realistically, I would be extremely fortunate to be able to be a first time mom after I turn 41.
Babe and I have had more than one conversation about if we are too old to be parents. Here are some thoughts:
- We probably won't have as much energy as most other parents of kids our age.
- Friends of our kids will probably have grandparents our age.
- We will probably not be able to be as active with our kids activities as we'd like to.
- We will be close to 60 or older when our oldest graduates from high school...... if we are lucky.
- We will probably not be able to save enough for our kid(s) to pay for college.
- We will probably never be able to retire.
- We will probably not be around to meet our grandkids.
Has anyone else felt this way? I have not met too many people that have gone through infertility as long as we have, or as close to 40 as I am and becoming a parent for the first time..... whether in real life or in the blogworld.
While trying to get myself ready for our embryo transfer this summer or fall, I started looking around for pregnancy books for women over 35 or 40. There really aren't that many out there. There were a few that I found, but did not have very good reviews.
Can anyone recommend a good pregnancy book or resource for pregnancy after 35 or 40?
On a happier note, last Friday I was able to meet up with a couple of ladies for dinner that has adopted embryos from NEDC. One is Katie, one of the gals from our Patiently Waiting adoption group who now has a set of twins at home. The other is Malia from the blog Adoption Homestead, who is currently pregnant with an embryo adopted through NEDC as well. Malia was in town and we were able to meet for the first time. It was nice to be able to meet and talk about our stories and experiences, one that has been there and now has babies at home, another that is pregnant, and me that is just now going through the process. We hope to continue meeting up as we all walk through our adoption journeys together.