The great thing about a group like this is it is a great place to be around people that are going through, or have gone through the same struggles and be able to share, relate, and vent. We are able to support and encourange one another, and give each other hope. I have met some really nice ladies and have developed great friendships here.
Like it or not, we are all reluctant members of this infertility "club". We are all on a journey to get out of this club. We hope and pray that the someone's IUI or IVF works next. Or that someone gets matched soon. Or someone gets pregnant.
The hard part however, is "WHO'S NEXT"?
What if her IVF/IUI works? Who's going to get pregnant next? Or get matched next? What if it's not me? It's probably not going to be me!
I desperately want my IF friends to get pregnant, or bring their adopted babies home. But yet it hurts when it does happen.
This sounds terrible, but sometimes, I secretly hope things don't work for them. (Yikes! I can't believe I am actually writing this!!) In a way, I hope that we stay the same as we are right now. Because I'm selfish. I'll admit it.
If I don't succeed, I don't want anyone else to either. Because if they succeed, and I don't, that means I have failed. It's hard being a failure for 6 years. It's hard to see others moving on, while I am left behind.
I believe I'm not the only one that feels this way. Please tell me I am not the only one that feels this way?
OK, deep down I really do want things to work out for others. Really.
But why can't it work out for me?
Why can I be next?