Hope

I have been wanting to post this for about a couple of weeks now but had to wait till now to do so.

A few days after my birthday, my sweet friend K and I met for a belated birthday lunch.  She had been an acquaintance a few years back but and then we met again at our Patiently Waiting infertilty support group about 4 years back.   We have been pretty close since then going through our ups and downs of infertility.  She has had 6 miscarriages and was finally 16 weeks pregnant at that time.

K bought me lunch and before we said our good byes, she gave me a birthday card and then gave me a ring that had the words "hope" engraved around it.  At first she thought she would give me the ring as it was something that gave her hope during all those painful years.  Then she had second thoughts about it - with it not being new nor shiny, and it was "used".  So she had decided to skip it.  But then right before she walked out the door, she felt prompted to give it to me anyways.

She said she wanted to give me the ring because she was very hopeful for my transfer in September, and also that she wanted to give me hope that this will work.  She said a lot of really sweet things too, but I don't remember too much because I started bawling!  I think it was something along the lines of how she thought I had been so strong over the many years I have been going through infertility.  That I always had hope and maintained my faith, but had also given her hope during the last few years when she had lost hope herself.  I thought, me?  Really? I didn't think I was strong nor was I that hopeful myself.

She apologized that the ring was not new but hoped I would find hope in having it.  Oh my, I was so moved!  Not only did I not care that it is not new, but the fact that it was hers makes it even more special.  I am so grateful for this.  I have always wanted to get a little something for myself as a reminder to remain hopeful during my procedures, but never did.  This, I will treasure.  I have decided to wear this ring together with my engagement and wedding bands.  They fit like they were meant to be together anyway.

I had to wait to post about this is because K had not shared with the rest of our infertility support group that she is pregnant.  I wanted to wait till she had a chance to share this news with the others before posting here as some of the members of the group read this blog.  She is hopeful but also understandably nervous that about her pregnancy.  Please keep K in your prayers that her pregnancy will be healthy and she will finally be blessed with a healthy baby after so many losses.

"HOPE" engraved all around the ring.

Fits almost perfectly with my engagement ring and wedding band.

A Night of Ups and Downs

I was at a church event Tuesday night when a gal came up to me asking how I was doing as she heard that I had gone through some procedures lately.  You see, when I had my egg retrieval, I had to miss a weekend retreat at my church.  Someone, not sure who, had told my group that I had to miss the retreat because I was going through a medical procedure because I have been having a hard time conceiving.  That annoyed me because there are only a few people that know about our TTC issues, and I expected them to keep it confidential.  Oh well, it was too late.  I'm not sure how much details people know, but the cat's out of the bag.

Anyway, Gal #1 said she was sorry about what I was going through.  She has a 1 1/2 year old daughter, but she had gone through a miscarriage once, and she knew how devastating it is.  She gave me a big hug and said she would continue to pray for me and she said she knew I would make a wonderful mother.  Bless her heart!

Then later, Gal #2 (she has 2 kids) came up to me and said she heard that I went through a procedure.  She asked me how I was feeling, and if it worked.  I said nope, it didn't.  She said she was sorry, and she could relate.  She had a miscarriage at 9 weeks, and her baby would have been due right around now.  I said I was sorry for her loss, and that I couldn't even fathom what she had experienced.  I actually felt bad because I was starting to get annoyed at having to talk about my failed procedures, but then she told me about how her baby would have been due.  

Then, she went on and asked if I had considered adoption.  Oh I so knew where this was going!  One of her friends had tried for years without success, adopted and then had gotten pregnant.  And then she told me of another couple that did the same thing.  So I told her, yes, I had considered adoption but no, we are not ready for that.  Then she kept going on about how she hears stories of people who had gotten pregnant after they adopted.  

At that point, I was really annoyed and felt like I needed to set her straight.  I told her, you know, it's true that some people do get pregnant after they adopt, but it is not the norm.  Statistically, it is very RARE that it ever happens, and most people don't.  I actually said please don't be offended but it is really not helpful to say such a thing to a person that has a hard time getting pregnant.  Most people that can't get pregnant has most probably considered adoption at one time or another.  The last thing we want to do is to give anyone a false impression that adopting will help you get pregnant.  That is WRONG and absolutely the worst reason why someone should consider adoption.  If fact, I told her, it is one the most annoying things anyone can say to an infertile, next to "just relax", and "you're still young".  It's a big no-no!

I think Gal #2 felt bad after that, and admitted that she didn't think it would come out that way, and she only wanted to give people some hope.  I understand how people want to say things that could possibly make us feel hopeful, but I had to express my thoughts.  I felt like an IF Nazi, but I don't care.  Sometimes people don't realize how hurtful and unhelpful some words can be.  I just couldn't keep quiet about that!

Then later in the evening, Gal #3 (she's in her 50's, so maybe not a "gal") and she told me the story of how she got married in her late 30's, got pregnant with her first at 39, and then suffered 8 (yes 8!) miscarriages and ectopic pregnancies before conceiving her second son at 42, and with only one tube.  Even then, they thought her baby had died because her numbers kept going down.  She was scheduled for a D&C but she demanded an ultrasound.  They saw her baby bouncing around in the uterus and had a perfect heartbeat.  He is now 12.  They call him the "Miracle Child".  Don't give up hope, Gal #3 reminded me, and she too has promised to continue to keep me in her prayers.

Tuesday night was a night of ups and downs, but in the end I felt really good about it.  I felt like I stood up for something important, and I was blest by 2 ladies that shared their stories of hope and their love for me.

"Fertility and Faith" Video

Because it's Friday..... and it's the weekend........  and you're probably tired from all that reading from ICLW, here's a video instead.



If you like videos like this, check out  also these previously posted videos "Infertility Is" and "Empty Arms"

"Empty Arms" Video

Time for another IF video.  I found this a while ago on You Tube, and have been waiting to share this.  A fellow member in one of the IF related groups at BabyCenter posted this in her journal a few days ago.  Time to share it now.

Check out the "Tears and Hope: The Infertility Awareness Project" website at www.tearsandhope.com.


Then watch the "Empty Arms" video.