Sharing "What If" Posts from NIAW

This post is not about me.  This is a post about those who have written about their "What IFs".

Since I was out of town during most of NIAW (National Infertility Awareness Week), I have finally caught up on reading NIAW posts.  I had more than a week of reading to do.

All I can say is wow!  Some of "What If" posts have really touched me.  I realize that many of you that read my blog are bloggers yourself, and have most probably seen or read a lot of what I am about to share.  But I also know there are those reading that are not bloggers or are not dealing with infertility.  So it would be careless of me if I didn't share the following with you.

There have been so many incredible posts that were written in honor of NIAW that have really touch my heart.  Many have expressed so many feelings that I have not been able to put into words myself.  So I would like to share a few of them here.  Please realize that these are just of few of the hundreds of "What If" posts of Project IF.

If you don't have time to read these now, please make sure you take some time and come back to read these later.  It really does help put into words what infertility is, what it means to those of us who go through it, and how it affects us.

What IF it never works?  by Krista of Dear Rowan

NIAW by Denifay of Making Our Troxiclair Family

Adoption/Infertility Road by Tiffany of The Pifer Family

What If? by Lut C of Things Get IF'fy

And finally, check out Keiko's (from Hannah Wept, Sarah Laughed) video.  She actually "came out of IF closet" during NIAW.  You can read her post about it here.

What IF? A Portrait of Infertility from Keiko Zoll on Vimeo.

A heartfelt thanks to those that have shared.  Thanks for putting into word many things that we IFers feel.

Again, please check out the rest of the "What If" list.

No News Is Good News?

I called my RE's office today about the best way to send them my IVF lab report from my first IVF that was done overseas (I'm working on this post!).  At the same time, I checked on the status of my Karotype testing.

If the result is abnormal, someone (hopefully the RE) will call.  If the result is normal (praying that it is!) no one will call.   How can they not call if the results are normal?  Don't we IFers do enough waiting already?  Sigh...... I guess no news is good news.

Please don't call!  Please don't call!

I wanted to know if they had heard anything yet, but the receptionist assured me that it really does take a month for the result to come back.  It's only been 3 weeks.  Yeah, only (insert sarcastic tone).  I'll have to wait till after May 11th to call them back, if I still have not heard anything.  I want to make sure that I'm not sitting on my hands, wasting a cycle if the results are normal.

In the meantime, let's hope I don't get any calls from the clinic.

TTC: Lessons Learned

This week, Bon at I Can Haz BeBe? blogged about what 3 years of TTC has taught her.  I only wish I could have written it as beautifully as she did.

I have been TTC for 6 years, and I've experienced most of what Bon wrote about, except the part about adoption since we are not ready pursued it (yet, though we have considered it).  Even after 6 years of TTC, I am still learning from others.  That's another reason why we blog, isn't it?

Go check out her post here.  It's worth the read.

Thanks Bon for sharing this great post!

"Empty Arms" Video - In Honor of NIAW

In honor of NIAW, I am sharing the "Empty Arms" video again.  I posted this in November of last year not long after I started blogging, but it seems fitting to post it again at the end of NIAW.

Check out the "Tears and Hope: The Infertility Awareness Project" website at www.tearsandhope.com.

Watch the "Empty Arms" video.

Then share it with your loved ones.

What IF?

Today is the very last day of National Infertility Awareness Week (NIAW).  In fact I am writing this post at the very last minutes of end of this week.  As part of NIAW, Mel at Stirrup-Queens is hosting Project IF.  The first part of Project IF was to list our worst "What if" fears, part 2 is to blog about it.  I've actually already missed the deadline for part 2 of Project IF, but that's OK.  I'm going to write about it anyways.

I have a long list of what ifs.  But here are my two biggest ones.

What if I never get to experience pregnancy?

Will I ever see the two pink lines of a pregnancy test?  Will I be overjoyed?  Shocked?  Will I laugh, cry, jump with joy?  Who would I tell first?

I often wonder what it would feel like to know you are able to produce life, precious life in your own body?  What would it feel like to feel a life growing in your body?  To hear its first heartbeat?  To see its ultrasound images?  To feel a baby kick, or swim and dance around?  I'd gladly endure morning sickness if I know a baby was growing inside!

What would it be like to see your belly expand over time?  To have constipation, heartburn or stretch marks because of pregnancy?  Would I be able to sleep at night or would I be running to the bathroom all night?

What would it be like to experience the pain of childbirth? The sensation of breast feeding?  What would it be like to fall desperately in love with a little newborn that you know is the love of your life?

What if I never get to experience any of these things??


What if we are never able to have children that look like me or my husband?

I've always wanted kids.  And I've always wanted kids with my Babe.  I've always looked forward to see what kind of babies we would have.

My Babe and I are a mixed couple.  I am of Chinese descent and my Babe, he's mostly German and some Polish.  Oh what beautiful babies we would make, right?

Would our babies have my black straight hair or his blond wavy hair?  Will they be super fair like him, or more tanned like me?  Will they have my brown eyes or his blue ones?  Will they have his "strong" (big) nose, or my dimples?  Will they be tall like him, or short (hopefully not!) like me?  Will they look mostly Asian or Caucasian, or would you just not be able to tell the difference?  I am so curious to find out what they would look like.

My Babe and I used to joke about what if our kids were unfortunate enough to inherit our worst traits?  What if our kids had his "strong" nose, my "mick.ey mouse" ears, and were really short?  We would have trolls!  Remember those troll dolls from the 80's or 90's?  Wouldn't that be funny?

Most of our closest friends are mixed couples, and their kids are gorgeous.  It is so amazing to be able to tell which trait come from which parent.  We want gorgeous kids too.  Kids that have our genes, that look like my Babe and/or myself.  Kids that have his musical talent, his natural athletic ability, his mathematical mind.  OUR kids.

What if we never get a chance to combine our gene pools?  
What if we never get to find out what our kids look like?  
What if we never get to have a child that is combination of the best of the two of us?

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For more information on National Infertility Awareness Week, please visit here.

Read the first part of Project IF where readers post their "What IF" questions.  Then take some time to read part 2 of Project IF. where bloggers write about their "What IF" questions.