This post is not about me. This is a post about those who have written about their "What IFs".
Since I was out of town during most of NIAW (National Infertility Awareness Week), I have finally caught up on reading NIAW posts. I had more than a week of reading to do.
All I can say is wow! Some of "What If" posts have really touched me. I realize that many of you that read my blog are bloggers yourself, and have most probably seen or read a lot of what I am about to share. But I also know there are those reading that are not bloggers or are not dealing with infertility. So it would be careless of me if I didn't share the following with you.
There have been so many incredible posts that were written in honor of NIAW that have really touch my heart. Many have expressed so many feelings that I have not been able to put into words myself. So I would like to share a few of them here. Please realize that these are just of few of the hundreds of "What If" posts of Project IF.
If you don't have time to read these now, please make sure you take some time and come back to read these later. It really does help put into words what infertility is, what it means to those of us who go through it, and how it affects us.
What IF it never works? by Krista of Dear Rowan
NIAW by Denifay of Making Our Troxiclair Family
Adoption/Infertility Road by Tiffany of The Pifer Family
What If? by Lut C of Things Get IF'fy
And finally, check out Keiko's (from Hannah Wept, Sarah Laughed) video. She actually "came out of IF closet" during NIAW. You can read her post about it here.
What IF? A Portrait of Infertility from Keiko Zoll on Vimeo.
A heartfelt thanks to those that have shared. Thanks for putting into word many things that we IFers feel.
Again, please check out the rest of the "What If" list.
Showing posts with label What IF. Show all posts
Showing posts with label What IF. Show all posts
Friday, May 7, 2010
Sunday, May 2, 2010
What IF?
Today is the very last day of National Infertility Awareness Week (NIAW). In fact I am writing this post at the very last minutes of end of this week. As part of NIAW, Mel at Stirrup-Queens is hosting Project IF. The first part of Project IF was to list our worst "What if" fears, part 2 is to blog about it. I've actually already missed the deadline for part 2 of Project IF, but that's OK. I'm going to write about it anyways.
I have a long list of what ifs. But here are my two biggest ones.
What if I never get to experience pregnancy?
Will I ever see the two pink lines of a pregnancy test? Will I be overjoyed? Shocked? Will I laugh, cry, jump with joy? Who would I tell first?
I often wonder what it would feel like to know you are able to produce life, precious life in your own body? What would it feel like to feel a life growing in your body? To hear its first heartbeat? To see its ultrasound images? To feel a baby kick, or swim and dance around? I'd gladly endure morning sickness if I know a baby was growing inside!
What would it be like to see your belly expand over time? To have constipation, heartburn or stretch marks because of pregnancy? Would I be able to sleep at night or would I be running to the bathroom all night?
What would it be like to experience the pain of childbirth? The sensation of breast feeding? What would it be like to fall desperately in love with a little newborn that you know is the love of your life?
What if I never get to experience any of these things??
What if we are never able to have children that look like me or my husband?
I've always wanted kids. And I've always wanted kids with my Babe. I've always looked forward to see what kind of babies we would have.
My Babe and I are a mixed couple. I am of Chinese descent and my Babe, he's mostly German and some Polish. Oh what beautiful babies we would make, right?
Would our babies have my black straight hair or his blond wavy hair? Will they be super fair like him, or more tanned like me? Will they have my brown eyes or his blue ones? Will they have his "strong" (big) nose, or my dimples? Will they be tall like him, or short (hopefully not!) like me? Will they look mostly Asian or Caucasian, or would you just not be able to tell the difference? I am so curious to find out what they would look like.
My Babe and I used to joke about what if our kids were unfortunate enough to inherit our worst traits? What if our kids had his "strong" nose, my "mick.ey mouse" ears, and were really short? We would have trolls! Remember those troll dolls from the 80's or 90's? Wouldn't that be funny?
Most of our closest friends are mixed couples, and their kids are gorgeous. It is so amazing to be able to tell which trait come from which parent. We want gorgeous kids too. Kids that have our genes, that look like my Babe and/or myself. Kids that have his musical talent, his natural athletic ability, his mathematical mind. OUR kids.
What if we never get a chance to combine our gene pools?
What if we never get to find out what our kids look like?
What if we never get to have a child that is combination of the best of the two of us?
For more information on National Infertility Awareness Week, please visit here.
Read the first part of Project IF where readers post their "What IF" questions. Then take some time to read part 2 of Project IF. where bloggers write about their "What IF" questions.
I have a long list of what ifs. But here are my two biggest ones.
What if I never get to experience pregnancy?
Will I ever see the two pink lines of a pregnancy test? Will I be overjoyed? Shocked? Will I laugh, cry, jump with joy? Who would I tell first?
I often wonder what it would feel like to know you are able to produce life, precious life in your own body? What would it feel like to feel a life growing in your body? To hear its first heartbeat? To see its ultrasound images? To feel a baby kick, or swim and dance around? I'd gladly endure morning sickness if I know a baby was growing inside!
What would it be like to see your belly expand over time? To have constipation, heartburn or stretch marks because of pregnancy? Would I be able to sleep at night or would I be running to the bathroom all night?
What would it be like to experience the pain of childbirth? The sensation of breast feeding? What would it be like to fall desperately in love with a little newborn that you know is the love of your life?
What if I never get to experience any of these things??
What if we are never able to have children that look like me or my husband?
I've always wanted kids. And I've always wanted kids with my Babe. I've always looked forward to see what kind of babies we would have.
My Babe and I are a mixed couple. I am of Chinese descent and my Babe, he's mostly German and some Polish. Oh what beautiful babies we would make, right?
Would our babies have my black straight hair or his blond wavy hair? Will they be super fair like him, or more tanned like me? Will they have my brown eyes or his blue ones? Will they have his "strong" (big) nose, or my dimples? Will they be tall like him, or short (hopefully not!) like me? Will they look mostly Asian or Caucasian, or would you just not be able to tell the difference? I am so curious to find out what they would look like.
My Babe and I used to joke about what if our kids were unfortunate enough to inherit our worst traits? What if our kids had his "strong" nose, my "mick.ey mouse" ears, and were really short? We would have trolls! Remember those troll dolls from the 80's or 90's? Wouldn't that be funny?
Most of our closest friends are mixed couples, and their kids are gorgeous. It is so amazing to be able to tell which trait come from which parent. We want gorgeous kids too. Kids that have our genes, that look like my Babe and/or myself. Kids that have his musical talent, his natural athletic ability, his mathematical mind. OUR kids.
What if we never get a chance to combine our gene pools?
What if we never get to find out what our kids look like?
What if we never get to have a child that is combination of the best of the two of us?
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
For more information on National Infertility Awareness Week, please visit here.
Read the first part of Project IF where readers post their "What IF" questions. Then take some time to read part 2 of Project IF. where bloggers write about their "What IF" questions.
Friday, April 9, 2010
Project IF
"What IF........?"
That's a question that many of us have asked ourselves many times, and will probably continue to ask.
If you have not heard about Project IF that has just kicked off, go check it out. Mel over at Stirrup Queens and Resolve.org has put this together. This project consists of 2 parts, the first is for people to leave a comment stating your biggest "what ifs" are in regard to infertility. For the 2nd part, blogs and bloggers that participate in Project IF will be eligible to be considered for the winner of the Hope Award for Best Blog at Resolve's 2010 Night of Hope.
Whether or not you plan on being considered for the award, I highly recommend checking out the Project IF page. It is one of the most touching pages I've read. Be prepared to read it with a box of tissues. Leave your own "what ifs", or just read what others have commented.
Reading these comments leave me with mixed emotions. Some I can totally relate to, and others it's totally heartbreaking to see what pain and suffering we go through to fulfill our dreams of having a child. All the doubts and uncertainties we face. The thousands of what ifs that have crossed our minds that we unconsciously think about.
On one hand, I am grateful for some things, like being able to afford treatment (to a certain extent), and having a supportive husband. On the other hand it's scary to think about how things can still go wrong, or what the final outcome may be. No matter what happens, we may still have "what ifs" that we will question ourselves.
But in the end, it leaves me feeling not so alone in my journey, knowing that there are others who understand the journey each of us are experiencing.
Whether you are dealing with infertility yourself, or have a loved one that is, please check out Project IF. Here's comment left by a mom, who though not dealing with infertility herself, has been impacted by this.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)