"He is Mine", A Poem

I came across this poem on Britney's blog Waiting on God.  Beautiful.... for those who have adopted or thinking about adopting.

A reminder of what adoption is for a birth mother, an adoptive mother, and God's plan.

He is Mine

I tiptoed into your room one night.

I watched you sleeping there.

Your tiny body looked so snug

Wrapped in peaceful slumber's care.

I thought of how you came to be

The child we'd longed to know.

I wondered at the sight of you:

"How could she let you go?"

Tears streamed down my cheeks as I

Felt the pain she must have known.

For I will have to let you go

Some day when you are grown.

A mother I might never meet

Had given me her son.

Yet, surely as you've filled my heart,

A piece of hers you'd won.

"How could she let you go?"

The question kept returning.

And in the depths of my own heart.

A question kept on burning.

"How can I ever let you go

When years have come and gone?"

I stood there by your crib until

The nighttime turned to dawn.

And as the sun peeked through the shades,

The voice of God broke through.

"I trusted her to give him life

And now I'm trusting to you.

"To show him what is right and wrong,

to love him and to be

The one who teaches him the way

To come back home to me.

"He wasn't hers to give, you know.

And he's not yours to own.

I've placed him in your life to love

But he is mine … on loan."

-Valerie Kay Gwin

(from Chicken Soup for The Adopted Soul)

"What God Meant", A Poem.

I found this poem when I came across this blog about embryo adoption.  We often wonder "why me, God?".  Why do we have to go through this painful journey of infertility?  We may never know the answer to the why, but this poem may be what God meant for us.  I think you will enjoy this.

What God Meant

Author Unknown

What do I think God meant when He gave me infertility?

I think He meant for my husband and I to grow closer, become stronger, love deeper. 

I think God meant for us to find the fortitude within ourselves to get up every time infertility knocks us down.

I think God meant for our medical community to discover medicines, invent medical equipment, create procedures and protocols.

I think God meant for us to find a cure for fertility. 

No, God never meant for me to not have children.

That's not my destiny; that's just a fork in the road I'm on.

I've been placed on the road less traveled, and like it or not, I'm a better person for it.

Clearly, God meant for me to develop more compassion, deeper courage, and greater inner strength on this journey to resolution, and I haven't let Him down.

Frankly, if the truth be known, I think God singled me out for special treatment. 

I think God meant for me to build a thirst for a child so strong and so deep that when that baby is finally placed in my arms, it will be the longest, coolest, most refreshing drink I've ever known.

While I would never have chosen infertility, I cannot deny that a fertile woman could ever experience the joy that I know awaits me.

Yes, one way or another, I will have a baby of my own.

And the next time someone wants to offer me unsolicited advice, I'll say, "Don't tell me what God meant when He handed me infertility. I already know.

I Want To Be A Mother

I received the poem from a friend the other day.  I thought it would be fitting to share this on Mother's Day.

I do not want to take away the significance of this day, because this is a special day.  We should celebrate our moms, and you deserve to celebrate this day if you are a mom.

I hope that I will be able to celebrate this day fully some day.  But for now, this is what I want.  I want to be a mother.  I am a Mom Wannabe.

Happy Mother's Day everyone, no matter where you are on your journey!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I want to be a Mother 

A Mom Wannabe 

By Alison Kathleen Whitney 

I want to be a Mom. But I can't. Instead, I am a Mom Wannabe. 

I want to procreate. I want to conceive a child, naturally, with my husband, in the privacy of our home, in the spirit of love and passion, in the way God intended. But I can't. 

I want to discover that my period is several days late. I want to buy a pregnancy test and pee on a stick. I want to see a + sign. I want to cry tears of joy for the news we'd discovered. But I can't. Instead, I cry tears of pain at random, for no reason and with no warning. 

I want to experience morning sickness. I want my hormones to go haywire. I want the "pregnant glow". I want to have my husband talk to my belly. But I can't. Instead, I try not to look pregnant. I don't buy clearance clothes for next year, "just in case". I try to keep my emotions from going haywire. I dream that my husband talks to my belly. 

I want to take prenatal vitamins. I want to eat for two. I want to schedule my first doctor's visit. I want to sit in the waiting room with other pregnant women and know that I am one of them. But I can't. Instead, I wonder if those pregnant women ever had problems conceiving. I think how cute they look as they waddle with their big bellies. I smile at babies that are not mine. I ache from loving someone I've never met. 

I want to hear the doctor say "You're Pregnant. Your progress is right on schedule." But I can't. I want to surprise my parents with a new grandchild. I want to tell my friends and family our good news. I want my life to change overnight. I want to read "What to Expect When You're Expecting". But I can't. Instead, I have no news to tell. I realize my life hasn't changed in years. I read "When Empty Arms become a Heavy Burden". 

I want to monitor the progress. I want to see ultrasounds. I want to hear the heartbeat. I want to watch our baby grow. I want to feel the kicks, but I can't. I want to decorate the nursery. I want to childproof our home. I want to shop for adorable, soft, tiny outfits. I want to shop at Gymboree. I want to save money for the baby's future. Instead, I imagine a crib in an empty room down the hall. I avoid baby stores in the mall. We spend our money on doctor's appointments, tests and high-tech procedures. We spend our money on a dream. We are left with an empty bank account. We are left with empty arms. 

I want to share the experience with my pregnant friends. I want to compare symptoms. I want to be the guest of honor at a baby shower. But I can't. Instead, I watch my friends get pregnant quickly. I watch their bellies grow, attend their showers, see their pictures and try to be a good friend. I watch their lives change and our friendships change in front of my eyes. 

I want my belly to drop. I want my water to break. I want contractions. I want an epidural. I want my husband by my side and my family in waiting room. I want the pushing. I want the pain. I want to hear the cry. But I can't. Instead, I feel a different pain. I hear my own cry. Yes, I even hear the cry of my husband which hurts more than I had ever imagined. 

I want to hold our baby in my arms, with tears of joy streaming down our faces. I want to experience the miracle of birth, thinking "We did it" but knowing that God did it. But I can't. Instead, I hold my husband in my arms with tears of sorrow streaming down our faces and wondering what God's plan is for us and why we have to go through this. 

I want to pray that one extra special blessing be added to my life. And I do. I pray my 1000th unanswered prayer to God and hope this time He answers. I pray for the miracle of life that only God can give. I pray that someday soon He will give it to us. 

I want to be a mom, but I can't. Instead, I am right where God wants me to be: thankful for our blessings, searching out His will, basking in His grace, trusting in His perfect plan, praying for a change in status... 

From a mom wannabe, to the mom I WANT to be. 

Heaven's Roll Call

I learned about a wonderful website called Heaven's Roll Call from our local Christian radio station.   Sue Lueck Carlson who started this ministry uses Christian inspirational poems and Bible verses to help those grieving the loss of a loved one.

I saw this poem a few months back and thought about all my failed IUIs, and my failed IVF a year ago.  Now that I've just experienced my 2nd failed IVF without a transfer and the sadness and grief I felt about my lost embryos, this poem, "You Know the Past" really touched me in a way I cannot express.  Sue has given me permission to share this poem with you.  This gives those of us who have experienced IVF loss, miscarriage or baby loss some comfort and hope.

You Know the Past

It's hard, My Child, to understand

just why our lives don't go as planned,

but I know the future and you know the past.

You know this world's not meant to last.

It's filled with heartache, grief and pain.

The sun may shine, but there's always rain.

Not every seed planted in the ground

will bring forth fruit or can be found.

Just because you can't see it, does it mean it's gone

or has the form changed so it does belong?

It still had a purpose though the world may not care.

All things have a meaning for being there.

Life on earth is like a snap of the wrist.

Though time is short, you do exist,

but up in heaven time exists no more.

The life not seen has been restored.

Remember always you know the past,

but I know the future and that lives do last.

The life you created still lives with me

so trust your heart - one day you'll see.

I love you, Child  Please always know -

Life does exist thought it may not show!

Copyright Sue Lueck Carlson

www.heavensrollcall.com

(Click for original image of poem)

"Life does exist though it may not show!"

If you have experienced any kind of loss or heartache, Heaven's Roll Call will be wonderful comfort for you.  Sue has a library of poems for different situations for your reading pleasure, and you can request these in high quality for printing purposes.  I think she can even customize some of those poems based on gender.  You can also sign up to receive a free poem each month.  

If you have or someone you know have suffered a miscarriage, you will want to read "Tiniest Angel" under the "Loss of a loved one" section.  

If you find Sue's ministry helpful, do share this with others that could use some comfort.

Please note that all poems are copyrighted.  Also Heaven's Roll Call is non-profit, so please consider a donation if you feel led to.

Show and Tell: A Butterfly's Lesson

It's time for Mel's Show and Tell.  This week, I am doing something a little different.  Instead of showing, I am doing a bit of telling.

I received an email from my mom last week, and in it was a beautiful story called "A Butterfly's Lesson".  It made me smile and gave me a little more determination to face whatever the outcome of my IVF journey may be.  I hope this picks you up a little too.

A Butterfly's Lesson

One day, a small opening appeared in a cocoon; a man sat and watched for the butterfly for several hours as it struggled to force its body through that little hole.  Then, it seems to stop making any progress.  It appeared as if it had gotten as far as it could and it could not go any further.

So the man decided to help the butterfly; he took a pair of scissors and opened the cocoon.  The butterfly then emerged easily.  But it had a withered body, it was tiny and shriveled wings.

The man continued to watch because he expected that, at any moment, the wings would open, enlarge and expand, to be able to support the butterfly's body and become firm.  Neither happened!  In fact the butterfly spent the rest of its life crawling around with a withered body and shriveled wings.  It never was able to fly.

What the man, in his kindness and his goodwill did not understand was that the restricting cocoon and the struggle required for the butterfly to get through the tiny opening, were God's way of forcing fluid from the body of the butterfly into its wings, so that it would be ready for flight once it achieved its freedom from the cocoon.

Sometimes, struggles are exactly what we need in our life.

If God allowed us to go through our life without obstacles, it would cripple us.  We would not be as strong as we could have been.  Never been able to fly.

I asked for Strength.....
  and God gave me difficulties to make me strong.

I asked for Wisdom.....
  and God gave me problems to solve.

I asked for Prosperity......
  and God gave me a brain and brawn to work.

I asked for Courage.....
  and God gave me obstacles to overcome.

I asked for Love.....
  and God gave me troubled people to help.

I asked for Favors......
  and God gave me opportunities.

I received nothing I wanted.....
  But I received everything I needed.

Live life without fear, confront all obstacles and know that you can overcome them.

Now, go see what else the rest of the class is showing at Mel's.