Dual Registration & Background Checks

I am now registered for both the Marshall Islands and Domestic Infant Adoption (DIA) program.  This puts me on the waiting list for the DIA program. Once we are officially in the program, we would need to sign another contract for the DIA program, just like we will be signing one for the Marshall Islands program.

Actually, Babe and I had talked about doing the DIA outreach only program, meaning we would not be in the Profile Book, but do our own outreach to find a baby.  This would mean we technically would not need to be in the waiting list.  However, since we are considering embryo adoption too, we will wait to notify the agency about it, since we may only need the homestudy.

I am currently working on a couple of things.  I am in the middle of translating my birth certificate into English, since I was born in Asia.  Fortunately, I am not required to use a certified translator but I will be running it by my sister to make sure that the translation is accurate and "official" enough.

The background check requires that I list all addresses I have EVER lived at since turning 18.  That's a  lot of addresses since I've move a lot since turning 18.  I am also in the process of trying to figure out how to submit a background check with the child abuse registry in Singapore, since I lived there for a little over a year.  It's "fun" trying to contact someone in the child protective services in a country on the other side of the world with 14 hours time difference.  Thankfully, my sister will be helping me with that too.

Fun stuff.

Adoption Info Meeting Update

I have been meaning to post this update.  Sorry, I've been away from the blogsphere for a few days.

So we went to the adoption information meeting last Tuesday.  Not surprisingly, most of the people there were interested in domestic infant adoption.

I have to say that I did not learn too much more than I didn't already know, but I DID find out the following:

• There is a waiting list to start the domestic infant adoption (DIA) program.  This is due to two reasons.  First, there is a Profile Book that birth mothers look at for selecting potential adoptive families.  Only 60 families are allowed in the book at a time.  This makes sense so birth mothers are not overwhelmed at the number of families.  Also, this increases the chance of families being selected and reduces that wait times of families already in the book. Second, one of the larger adoption agencies here in MN discontinued their DIA program last year, so families already in the process were scrambling to find another agency to go with to complete their adoptions.  Many families moved their profiles to this agency, and they are also on the waiting list.  So, if we were interested in the DIA program, it would be another few months, at the very least, before we would be invited to start our application with the program.
• However, if we were to pursue DIA doing our own outreach, meaning we don't go into the Profile Book (which by the way costs $5,000), we would be able to start on the DIA program.  Doing our own outreach means we would have to be creative and do our own "marketing".  Some examples the presenter gave us were webpages, advertisements, Face.book pages, sending letters to friends and families, business cards, etc.  One couple even had t-shirts printed with information about their desire to adopt and wore those to the State Fair.  The cool thing is this agency actually provides outreach training. 
• I also found out that we are allowed to go dual track - meaning we could be on the international and domestic infant adoption programs as the same time.  Up to a certain point, I'm sure.

After the information meeting, Babe and I went to a late dinner and discussed what we had learned.  What the heck, if we can be on dual tracks, let do it!  We are already on the Marshall Island program waiting list, so let's get ourselves on the DIA program as well.  I also asked Babe, what about embryo adoption, would he be open to that?  He said, oh well.... might as well.  So we may also be doing embryo donation!!

The next day, I emailed the adoption agency requesting to be put on the DIA with our own outreach as well.  I also contacted the National Embryo Donation Center (NEDC) in Knoxville, TN.  NEDC does embryo adoption which requires a homestudy, just like a regular adoption.  Their website mentioned going through Bethany Christian Services for the homestudy.  One of my reluctance about doing embryo adoption was having to go through another adoption agency for the homestudy.  It would be great if we could do everything at one place.  So, I left a message with NEDC asking if we are required to go through Bethany for the homestudy, of if any homestudy would suffice.  I received a voicemail from the patient coordinator the next day stating that any homestudy would suffice, and does not need to be from Bethany.  I'm excited!  We could do one homestudy and could possibly go through domestic, international or embryo adoption!

Our next step if we were to pursue embryo adoption is to register online, but would need to pay a $300 non-refundable fee.  I'm not sure if I want to spend the $300 right now.  I emailed the patient coordinator at NEDC again asking if NEDC had Asian/Caucasian embryos available to adopt, since we are a bi-racial couple.  The answer is yes, there are, but it is a smaller pool as they are not donated as often.  But NEDC reserves those embryos for that ethnic group.  So, that is a relief.

So the point is, no matter which adoption route we take - Marshall Island, domestic, or embryo (unless we miraculously get pregnant), we need our homestudy done.  Now we really need to get in gear and work on those adoption application materials.  There is so much paper work!  I'll write about those in another post.

A Little Bit of Progress

(Image from: http://parentpathway.com/seeking-serenity-blog/mom-shining-light/progress-not-perfection/attachment/making-progress-with-recovery/)

This is the post that I had been meaning to write for a while now, and am just getting to it.  It has just been difficult to write.  I think we are making some progress.

Babe and I now mostly leaning more towards adoption.  Here's why:

• We've had 4 failed IVFs. Does it make sense to try again?  Especially when we know the issue is with the quality of my eggs.
• We have spent an awful amount of money on surgeries, IUIs, medication and IVFs.  I'm afraid to find out exactly how much.  And thank God for insurance.  Do we continue to spend more money for another CHANCE that it would succeed?
• We considered donor eggs, but Babe is not comfortable with it, though I would be open to it.  Again this is so freaking expensive.  Again, for a CHANCE that it may work.
• I'm 38 years old.  The risk of having complications and birth defects is higher, even if I manage to get pregnant.

So unless we decide to not have any kids at all, our only option is adoption.  Babe has been more open to the idea of adoption now.  I think he's also tired of waiting.

It's funny (not really), when we were going through infertility treatment, it seemed like everyone was getting pregnant.  Now that we are considering adoption, is seems like everyone that we know who was/are going through the adoption process have been matched or brought home babies very quickly.  It's frustrating!

Even with adoption, there are so many questions to consider.  Do we adopt domestically or internationally?  If we adopt internationally, from what country?  What about embryo adoption?

• We don't think we will be doing domestic adoptions.  There are many reasons why we are don't think this is right for us.  Babe does not like the idea of open adoptions, which almost all domestic adoptions are now. I know there are pros to it, but he is not keen on it. At least for now.  Also, the thought of a failed adoption scares the crap out of us.  We know of at least a few couples that went through that.  We don't like not knowing how long we may have to wait before getting picked by a birth mother.  Even though a few of our friends have been matched really quickly, I also know of a couple that have been in the domestic adoption program for 4 years, and have yet to be chosen by a birth parent.  At 36 (Babe) and 38 (me), we would be considered an older couple, and that would be against us.  If I were a birth mom and had to choose between a 28 year old and a 38 year old, I would prefer a younger couple to parent my child.  Also, we don't like the idea of having to do a profile, and "sell" ourselves.  I hate the idea that we have to compete for a baby.  On the plus side, because we are a bi-racial couple, that could be plus for us.  I know domestic adoption is wonderful for a lot of people.  But for us, at least right now, we don't think it is right for us.
• I would love to pursue embryo adoption, to be able to experience pregnancy, and to bond and carry my child or children.  However, Babe is not comfortable with this option.  Just like he is not comfortable with the idea of using donor eggs.  And I have to honor that.  Embryo adoption also comes with its own sets of challenges.  It is so new, most people have never even heard of it.  How do you explain to your child who he/she is?  How do you explain it to your family?  Your friends? Adoption is hard enough, but embryo adoption would be harder to explain.  But not unmanageable.  Though I'd love to go down this road, it is not for us, at least not now.
• We are leaning more towards international adoption.  International adoption has changed quite a bit since the last time we considered adoption, which was 3 - 4 years ago.  Since I am ethnically Chinese, I thought we would adopt from China.  However, the last time we looked, the wait for adoption from China was 5 - 7 years.  I just found out the adoption agencies that we are considering going through either does not have the regular China program, but only have the waiting children program (children with special needs), or there is no information provided regarding the wait time of the program.  I'm sorry, but I am not willing to wait that long for a child.  We have previously also looked into the Korean program.  I called one of the agencies and asked about it.  Policies have now changed with the Korean program as well.  It looks like Korea now has a quota that limits the number of babies that leave the country every year.  So even if you have been referred a child (which can be quite a few months into your adoption process), there may be another up to 18 months before you can travel to bring you child home.  This means that by the time your child comes home, he or she may be 2 -3 years old!  So we are not too keen on the Korean program either.   There are many other countries that we could consider, but we are either not keen, or just have no desire to adopt from.  Some reasons include the age of the child, how long we have to wait, the cost, etc.  There are many pros and cons to each.
• A friend of mine who just adopted domestically works for a non-profit organization that is also and adoption agency.  She told me about a fairly new international adoption program with the US Marshall Islands.  The great thing about this is the children available for adoption are infants, usually only a few months old.  Plus the wait time is shorter than most, with the referrals taking about 6 - 15 months.  This program is unique in that the adoption is open, meaning you will know about the child's birth family, and they about you.  However, I am not sure how open exactly.  I am excited about this program.  Even though this is for open adoptions, I think it makes a difference that we are in a different country, so I am more comfortable with it.  When I called and talked to the agency, I found of that due to the popularity of the program, they had JUST started a waiting list to get on the program.  So to save myself a spot on the waiting list, we registered and paid the $50 registration fee.  We are currently #2 on the wait list to be on the program.  We have received the forms and documents that need to be completed, and man, there are hell of a lot of paperwork!!  I've started looking at the forms but have not started seriously working on it until we decide formally, 100% that this is what we want to do.

Babe and I are attending an information meeting at the adoption agency that does the Marshall Islands program tonight.  Though we are only interested in the Marshall Islands program, I thought it would be good for us to go to the information meeting and find out more about the agency and the other programs available, both domestic and international.  I want to find out if we can be in both the domestic and Marshall Islands program at the same time.  I doubt it, but no harm asking.  Will let you know how things go at this meeting.

We are not officially adopting yet, but we are making a little bit of progress.