Wednesday, August 8, 2012

39....Another Year

It's here again.... ANOTHER BIRTHDAY!

I turn 39 today, my last year in the 30's.

I'm not quite sure how to feel about it.  In the past, getting older never really bothered me too much.  Thanks to my Asian genes, most people that do not know me very well think I'm younger than I actually am.  However, after struggling with infertility for more than 8 years, turning 39.... almost 40 is depressing.  My sister-in-law just turned 39 last week, and she has 4 kids, with the oldest being 10.  I'm 39 and have zero kids.  I remember before she got pregnant with her first, her telling me how important it was that she had to get pregnant before turning 30.  Well I'm almost (not quite) 40, and still no kid.

So what can I achieve between now and before I turn 40?  Will I have a baby/child before then?  Highly unlikely.  I will most likely join the older-than-40 first time parents club.  I worry I may be getting too old for this.... will I have the energy for kids in my 40's?

Any one of you out there a first time parent in your 40's?

Not-So-Happy Birthday to me.


  1. I meant to comment the other day and tell you I am still reading but I was on my phone and it is wonky!

    I'm sorry your 39th isn't fabulous. I turned 39 in March, and honestly, I have to say it wasn't what I was expecting, but was grateful. I was joking about being a 40 year old mother to a newborn and a two year old.

    And a month later, we lost Trey...the last cycle we did would have given a due date of my 40th birthday and it was a bust now, with this current and LAST cycle, I will certainly be over 40 and John will be deployed to boot. Hopeful, and yet, I feel the same things—what am I thinking? I could be the MOTHER of some of the mothers in Luke's playgroup, and I'm not talking Teen Mom. Like, I'd have been a young adult in college. Which means I could be Luke's grandmother!

    And I feel bad even saying all of this because that all said, still, as old as I am, I'm grateful, grateful, grateful for Luke, and this next little opportunity and that's very different from where you are, being in that limbo you described. So please, know I just want to share some love and let you know that I get a lot of those feelings that come along with being an 'older mother'. There's a lot of regret here...regret that this couldn't have happened younger, couldn't have been more like your sister-in-law with lots of kids, and younger...regret over the losses and all the 'what-ifs' and 'would I stills?' Just not easy. But still, I am grateful.

    Praying for you as you contemplate next steps in the adoption process and this upcoming year. Hope your day is full of love.

  2. I hear ya! I used to love my birthday, but now it’s bittersweet. Both my sister-in-laws are my same age with 3 kids, oldest being 10. I feel the same things that you do. Ross and I just had a conversation about whether we really want to do this at this point in our lives. After discussing all the “cons”, I guess we still want it. For me, what makes me saddest about being an older mom, is the reduced years with grandparents. Ross and I have awesome parents, who are amazing grandparents. I’m jealous that our bother’s kids have 10 more years with them than our kids will. But, alas, what can we do? It is what it is. It’s not like we haven’t been trying for years, right?! We will be moms. And we’ll just have to focus on the good that comes with being an older mom. Happy Birthday to you!! :)

  3. I fretted a lot about being over 40 when I got pregnant. I didn't start as early as you (I started trying when I was 38) so I knew there was a good chance I would be close to 40 before getting pregnant, but didn't know I'd be 41 + when giving birth for the first time! It is what it is. As one of the other posters said, I worry my kids won't have as much time with their grandparents. Or with us. I worry my daughter will not get pregnant until *she's* 41 and I'll be 82 (if I'm still alive) as a first-time grandmother. But again, it's the hand we've been dealt. Being a mom is amazing. Having the maturity and financial resources to be with her pretty much full time is a gift. So, there are plusses and minuses. I hope you have success soon. Enjoy being 39! :-)

  4. Hi from ICLW...wishing you a happy belated (un)birthday!!!

  5. I just turned 39 myself---and I just discovered your blog and saw this post. It is difficult to accept being about ten years behind others in our generation, but I have started to try to think of it a little differently. I tell myself that this is going to be inspiration for me to take excellent care of myself for the rest of my life, so that I get to enjoy as much as possible of my (future) children and their families someday. I don't just want to be a mother; I want to be a grandmother, too. It is possible. I'm blogging about our crazy "adventure" at, if you want to check it out. We are very recently considering embryo adoption but know next to nothing about it yet. I wish you well.

  6. I explain to myself this is going to be creativity will be able to acquire good care involving personally through out my life, so that I buy to enjoy whenever possible involving my own (potential) children in addition to their families someday. I would not only want to be a new mother; I must be described as a grandmother, way too. You'll be able.

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