Video: Blessings, by Laura Story

Lately, the local Christian radio station has been constantly playing the song "Blessings", by Laura Story.  It's a beautiful song, and the lyrics are even more special.  Every time I hear this song, it makes me want to cry, and yet it gives me hope.

What if your blessings come through raindrops
What if your healing come through tears
What if a thousand sleepless nights 
Are what it takes to know you're near
What if the if the trials of this life are Your mercies in disguise.

It's true.  Though I have sometimes questioned my faith due to my circumstances,  I'm not sure what my faith would be like if my life had been happy-go-lucky, without any trials or worry.  I'm not saying I'm happy to have to go through the pain and heartache of infertility. I just think this has built my faith in ways I never thought possible.  I know that God is real, and he is near.  I just need to trust Him and believe He has a perfect plan for me.

Could what I'm going through His mercy that I have not recognized?  Makes me look at this journey in a different perspective.  What about you?

Listen to the song, and read the lyrics.  I hope this give you hope too.  Then watch the next video where Laura shares the story behind her song.

I like her message: Sometimes God gives us what we need rather than what we want.  Sometimes He lets us stay broken in ways we may not feel comfortable or expect.  Because, like a broken, shattered vessel, it is then His light can beam through. It's a picture of faith.

Blessings (by Laura Story)
We pray for blessings
We pray for peace
Comfort for family, protection while we sleep
We pray for healing, for prosperity
We pray for Your mighty hand to ease our suffering
All the while, You hear each spoken need
Yet love us way too much to give us lesser things

Cause what if Your blessings come through raindrops
What if Your healing comes through tears
What if a thousand sleepless nights 
Are what it takes to know You’re near
What if trials of this life are Your mercies in disguise

We pray for wisdom
Your voice to hear
And we cry in anger when we cannot feel You near
We doubt Your goodness, we doubt Your love
As if every promise from Your Word is not enough
All the while, You hear each desperate plea
And long that we'd have faith to believe

Cause what if Your blessings come through raindrops
What if Your healing comes through tears
What if a thousand sleepless nights 
Are what it takes to know You’re near
And what if trials of this life are Your mercies in disguise

When friends betray us
When darkness seems to win
We know the pain reminds this heart
That this is not, this is not our home
It's not our home

Cause what if Your blessings come through raindrops
What if Your healing comes through tears
And what if a thousand sleepless nights
Are what it takes to know You’re near
What if my greatest disappointments
Or the achings of this life
Is the revealing of a greater thirst this world can’t satisfy
And what if trials of this life
The rain, the storms, the hardest nights
Are Your mercies in disguise

Egg Retrieval Update

Egg retrieval went pretty smoothly today.  We arrived at the clinic on time at 6:30 am, but sat at the lobby for about 5 minutes before anyone showed up at the reception.  We must have been the first patients there.  It's weird arriving at the clinic and no one's around, since it is summer and sunny out.  It felt much later than it actually was.

We entered IVF Suite (which had a special lock, and you can only enter if you have a special pass), and went through the usual Q&A (health, allergies, last time I drank or ate, etc) with the nurse.  When the nurse asked we have any questions, we really had none.  This was our third time through this, so we were veterans at this by now.

Steve, the nurse anesthetist came and and talked to us.  He is the same guy from the past retrievals we went through.  I remember he's a pretty funny guy.  I mentioned that the last 2 times we did this, I got sick and threw up the first thing I got home even though I was given Zo.fran for nausea (the same kind pregnant women get).  He said he'd try giving me something different this time instead of liquid Ty.lenol for pain after the procedure, though there was no guarantee. Sometimes everything is fine, but the ride home makes you sick.  He joked that if he could only figure out how to beat this nausea thing, he would ask the checks be sent to him in the Bahamas!

After that Dr. M, came in.  He was the same RE that did my first retrieval last July.  I remember liking him last time, and I still do.  He's very professional and yet very pleasant.  We went over my charts and compared this cycle to the last couple.  He said I responded "reasonably well" to my medications.  He asked if we had any questions, and again. since this is our third time, we didn't really really have any.

Then I was off the the bathroom the pee one more time before heading to Procedure Room 1, and Babe made his way to the Andrology lab.  Once on the table, Steve gave me a warm blanket (probably from a warming oven), and it felt pretty comfy.  He looked over my veins while decidin whether to put the IV in my arm or my hand.  I joked about how my left arm is my "go to" arm.  Though it looked a bit bruised, but it has never let me down yet.  He ended up putting it in my arm, since usually it tends to sting more in the hand.  Hooray for my arm.  I didn't even feel the IV at all.  Again, my arm was there for me.  I was then ready for my "morning cocktail", as Steve put in.  I felt the head rush, and thought boy I'm sure glad I'm laying down.  I was out like a lightbulb,

The next thing I remember, I was waking up in the recovery room with my Babe next to me.  I remember the nurse giving me some water, and all I wanted to do was roll over and go back to sleep.  Dr. M stopped by and told us he had retrieved 11 eggs from both ovaries.  That is good news, the most number of eggs we've ever gotten.  I remember that I had to keep asking Babe how many we had, thanks to the anesthesia.

Recovery went well.  Steve came in later and injected some medication in my IV instead of giving me liquid Ty.lenol like last time.  This actually helped as I did not get sick when I got home.  The nurse gave me some apple juice and crackers, and the next thing I know, I as changing back to my own clothes and was being pushed out in a wheelchair.  I got home, took my tetra.cycline (antibiotics) and went to bed.  I spent most of my day in bed, though I got up a couple of times to eat and drink.  I am resting comfortably.  Surprisingly I have no pain or soreness, for which I am grateful.  Tomorrow, I will be working from home, which is perfect timing, as it will be hot and humid, close to 100 degrees outside.  I will be hiding indoors.

So 11 eggs retrieved.  I am grateful for that.  I am trying to stay optimistic, but also realistic.  Here's how my last 2 cycles turned out:
Cycle 1: 8 eggs retrieved from one ovary, 6 were mature, only 2 fertilized naturally.  Nothing to transfer because the embryos arrested.
Cycle 2: 7 eggs retrieved from both ovaries, only 3 were mature and ICSI'd,  only 2 fertilized.  Had a day 3 transfer.

So 11 eggs sounds like a great number, but there are just so many other factors involved.   So, if you are a praying person, please pray for my eggs to be healthy, will fertilize and will grow into healthy embryos.

I should be getting a call from the clinic on Friday with the status of my eggs/embryos. Will have more updates then.

Quick Update

Ok, a quick update.

I will be at my clinic in 7 hours.  Will be arriving at the clinic at 6:30 am for the procedure set for around 7:30 am.  It's now 11:30 pm, so only half an hour left before my fast starts  - no food or drinks after midnight.

Please keep my in your prayers that all will go well.  Pray for these:

1. For a safe surgery, that the egg retrieval will go well with no issues or complications
2. That they can access both my ovaries (the was an issue accessing one of my ovaries in the past), and can retrieve a good number of eggs.
3. That the eggs retrieved will be healthy and mature (been diagnosed with egg quality issues)
4. That all the eggs retrieved that are mature will fertilize
5. That the fertilized eggs will be healthy and will divide and grow into healthy embryos.
6. That we will have a good number of healthy embryos that can be transfered in 5 days.

I will try to do an update if I feel up to it.  Anesthesia normally knocks me out for the entire day.

See you on the other side!

Belated ICLW & A Roller Coaster Ride

 A Very Belated ICLW to everyone!

First off, I'd like to apologize for a non-productive ICLW again.  Thanks to those who stopped by from ICLW.  It's been another bad month for ICLW.  I'm actually surprised I made it to ICLW this month.  If you are new to my site, welcome.  If you've been here before, thanks for stopping by again.

Our story briefly:  Babe (hubby) and I have been TTC for over 7 years.  We were first diagnosed with "unexplained infertility"  Since then, we done just about everything... clomid, surgeries for polyps, 4 IUIs, and a total of 3 IVFs, with the last one done last July (wow, has it been a year already?).

Based on my last 2 IVFs, my RE determined that we have low egg quality, probably due to age (I am turning 38 in August).  However, we have been trying for 7 years, so we wonder if it had always been an egg issue? I guess we'll never know.

Since the last IVF a year ago, we had taken a long break.  We thought we were done.  Then I started a new job in September, which we found out, now we have fertility coverage again.

So fast forward to June, and now I am in the middle of my IVF cycle.  I started my stims on 6/17 and last Thursday, I thought I had to cancel this IVF cycle.  At my appointment, the clinic thought I had a lead follicle at 19x16 mm, and numerous other small ones.  Because there was only one follicle maturing, and much faster than the others, I was told I may have to cancel the IVF and convert in into and IUI.  But I went back on Friday for another ultrasound, and they found out my follicles were growing just fine.  Turns out the ultrasound technician (who is new I think, since I've never seen her before) measured the follicle wrong.  She must have measured 2 follicles as one.

Anyways, just found out today that I am ready.  So I had my 2 Ovi.drel shots today (instead of HCG), and I am set for retrieval for Wednesday.  I have to be at the clinic at 6:30 am! I'm excited, but also nervous.  To be honest, I'm not feeling optimistic this cycle.  Can't imagine how the outcome of this cycle would be any different than previous ones.  Anyways we we have to wait and see.

Will keep you posted!

Back In The Game

I'm back in the game.

It's kind of ridiculous how long it's been since I last blogged.  I'm so embarrassed.

Just look at my last post.  It was the FEBRUARY ICLW!

Anyway, I just signed up for ICLW tonight, though I don't even know if I made it to the list.  I tried to sign of for last month's but it was too late.

There is no excuse for not posting in so long, other than the fact that I have been busy with work.  And  I mean really busy.  But still, I think it is a lame excuse.

Well here is another attempt at getting back to blogging.  I need to.  I have a lot to share.

Just a quick note....I just started another cycle of IVF.

But I will have for a later post to write about that.  Tomorrow maybe.