Need Motivation

I am feeling kind of in a rut right now.  Since receiving my two packets in the mail on Saturday, I have not made much progress on the IVF end.  Sure I've scanned all the documents that came in the mail.  I still need to get a new binder to put all the IVF related stuff in.  My next biggest thing on my list of things to do was to call various pharmacies to check out prices.

But I'm not motivated.....

Maybe because I miss my Mac.  I brought it in to the "Genius Bar" at the Apple store yesterday and they found that I need to replace some hardware so my Mac can actually charge properly.  I won't get it back till the end of the week at the earliest.  I am currently using  DH's spare laptop and it sucks.  I'm having issues with trying to post comments on people's blogs and I'm having issues accessing Sitemeter, the page that tracks users coming onto my blog.  I miss my Mac!

But I think I lack motivation because IVF this time seems almost like my dreams and hopes of having a baby "naturally" like "normal" people do is coming to and end.  I can't deny it anymore..... I am an infertile.

With starting BCPs next month, my hopes of the "miracle baby", the one where I have been trying for years, even undergoing fertility treatments, I would miraculously conceive naturally would come to an end.  Of course IVF babies ARE miracle babies, just a different kind.

Yet at the same time, I am excited to start.  Does it sound crazy?

Of course I hope that this time IVF will be successful, and I will be able to bring home a baby.  But what if it is unsuccesful?  What if it is another BFN?  Then what?  Now that we are finally doing it, I have to face the very real possibility that it could be unsuccessful!

Even if it is successful, and I get a BFP, the worry never ends.  Will the beta numbers keep rising?  There's still a chance of miscarriage.  I've read too many times in our ALI community of ladies getting their BFP and still miscarry.  I know this is all part and parcel of getting pregnant, but still it scares the heck out of me!

Ok I think I'm done rambling.  First thing on the to-do list for tomorrow: Call pharmacies for pricing of IVF meds.

Any suggestions on how to get motivated?