My period finally arrived last night. Just as I predicted, 4 days after my beta, after all meds were stopped. The same thing happened during the last 2 transfers in November and January. So I was pretty confident it was going to happen again.
I'm not too sure about how to feel about this period. It is most likely going to be the last period that I would have been most likely to have a chance at getting pregnant. I was technically pregnant twice before. But not this cycle. Not this last chance at pregnancy, even with adopted embryos.
I'm feeling a little lost as to what to do with myself.
I catch myself thinking I crave a cup of coffee, but I shouldn't because..... oh, never mind.
I am contemplating if I should even continue taking my prenatal vitamins. Maybe switch to regular multivitamins? Maybe skip it all together? I have been trying to "do the right thing" for so long there is freedom in not having to take vitamins, but at the same time a little unnerving.
I see some cute pants online and think nah... I shouldn't get those just in case I won't fit in them in a few months. Then realize, oh never mind. I won't have a baby belly.
For a while now, I have been reading a lot of articles online about pregnancy, breastfeeding, baby names, parenthood, etc. I still have a great desire and interests in these articles, but I wonder, why bother.
It is a bit confusing right now. Not quite sure where I fit in. I will have a phone consult with Dr. Keenan on Wednesday morning. But until then, we are not making any decisions. It's tempting to start researching other agencies or clinics about embryo adoption/donation programs. I've also contemplated pulling out and filling up the paperwork for traditional adoption.
Being the planner that I am, I want to just jump right in and start planning for our next move, but I know it is still too early. We need to take some time to just BE. To grieve. To be accept and be OK with what has happened. To have worked through our emotions before making any decisions.
So for now, we wait. Again.
Showing posts with label period. Show all posts
Showing posts with label period. Show all posts
Sunday, June 1, 2014
Thursday, May 29, 2014
How Quickly Things Can Change
First of all, I want to thank everyone for all the kind comments on my beta result and "I Feel...." posts. You have no idea how much those comments mean to me. Everyday, I check my email waiting to see if anyone else had commented. I get so much encouragement and draw so much strength from all those kind words, it brings me to tears reading them. It's amazing how God can use total strangers (most of you I have never met) to touch me so deeply. And it's wonderful.
When I first wrote the "I Feel" post, I just needed to spill all the thoughts and feelings I had going through my head. When I was done, I had second thoughts about posting them. There are some pretty ugly stuff there, and I was scared to share them. It felt vulnerable. I'm so glad I did as it has brought me such encouragement to read the comments that have come through.
When I was in Knoxville, I met 3 other women going for their transfers at NEDC. The day before the big beta day, we had one confirmed pregnancy (first beta Friday before), one unconfirmed pregnancy, one unconfirmed not pregnant, and mine was unknown. By the end of beta day, we had one more confirmed pregnancy! Unfortunately, the one with the confirmed pregnancy found out that her numbers had dropped pretty dramatically and was having a chemical pregnancy. In the end between the four of us, we have one pregnancy, confirmed today with a healthy double of the hCG numbers, one chemical pregnancy and 2 who are not pregnant. How quickly things can change. But we are happy that at least one of us is pregnant and we will continue to root her on. We are grateful to have each other to walk this journey together this transfer.
Last night, I was so shocked and saddened to find out that the domestic infant adoption for one of the couples from my adoption support group had fallen through. This is so heartbreaking. I had just heard a few weeks ago that they had been matched and the baby was going to be born really soon. I was ecstatic for them. But now, I am heartbroken for them. What touched me so was at this time of grief, they thought of me and found time to email me, telling me they are thinking and praying for me. Please pray for this special couple. These few days have not been good for our adoption group.
On a lighter note, I am grateful that I am finally off those PIO shots. For some reason the injection sites on my left hip had developed big sore lumps. After a few days, those lumps seemed to have combined into one huge lump. The joke was that I now had three butt cheeks. Now that we have stopped the shots, the lump had gotten a lot smaller, but my hips are still sore from the PIO shots.
Another pro of stopping the PIO shots..... I am no longer bloated. I noticed this transfer, my belly had gotten pretty bloated. While I was on PIO shots, my "fat pants" which were way too loose, were no longer my "fat pants". Within 24 hours of stopping my PIO shots, they are now my "fat pants" again. Thank goodness!
I have a feeling my period will arrive within the next day or so. I'm guessing Friday, most likely Saturday. I am already feeling slight cramping so I am expecting it to be here soon. The last 2 transfers which resulted in chemical pregnancies, my period arrived 4 days after all medication were stopped. That sound about right for this time too.
When I first wrote the "I Feel" post, I just needed to spill all the thoughts and feelings I had going through my head. When I was done, I had second thoughts about posting them. There are some pretty ugly stuff there, and I was scared to share them. It felt vulnerable. I'm so glad I did as it has brought me such encouragement to read the comments that have come through.
When I was in Knoxville, I met 3 other women going for their transfers at NEDC. The day before the big beta day, we had one confirmed pregnancy (first beta Friday before), one unconfirmed pregnancy, one unconfirmed not pregnant, and mine was unknown. By the end of beta day, we had one more confirmed pregnancy! Unfortunately, the one with the confirmed pregnancy found out that her numbers had dropped pretty dramatically and was having a chemical pregnancy. In the end between the four of us, we have one pregnancy, confirmed today with a healthy double of the hCG numbers, one chemical pregnancy and 2 who are not pregnant. How quickly things can change. But we are happy that at least one of us is pregnant and we will continue to root her on. We are grateful to have each other to walk this journey together this transfer.
Last night, I was so shocked and saddened to find out that the domestic infant adoption for one of the couples from my adoption support group had fallen through. This is so heartbreaking. I had just heard a few weeks ago that they had been matched and the baby was going to be born really soon. I was ecstatic for them. But now, I am heartbroken for them. What touched me so was at this time of grief, they thought of me and found time to email me, telling me they are thinking and praying for me. Please pray for this special couple. These few days have not been good for our adoption group.
On a lighter note, I am grateful that I am finally off those PIO shots. For some reason the injection sites on my left hip had developed big sore lumps. After a few days, those lumps seemed to have combined into one huge lump. The joke was that I now had three butt cheeks. Now that we have stopped the shots, the lump had gotten a lot smaller, but my hips are still sore from the PIO shots.
Another pro of stopping the PIO shots..... I am no longer bloated. I noticed this transfer, my belly had gotten pretty bloated. While I was on PIO shots, my "fat pants" which were way too loose, were no longer my "fat pants". Within 24 hours of stopping my PIO shots, they are now my "fat pants" again. Thank goodness!
I have a feeling my period will arrive within the next day or so. I'm guessing Friday, most likely Saturday. I am already feeling slight cramping so I am expecting it to be here soon. The last 2 transfers which resulted in chemical pregnancies, my period arrived 4 days after all medication were stopped. That sound about right for this time too.
Monday, September 2, 2013
Hello September & MN State Fair
Hello, September! Can't believe September is finally here. I've been waiting for months for it to show up and it is finally here. I can't believe are have completed 2/3 of the year already. Yay! Only 20 days to my transfer!
So my period finally arrived on Saturday. Today, I started my 1/2 dose of Es.trace twice a day. Unfortunately, I have experienced a heavy period yesterday and today I had some pretty intense cramping with the heavy flow. This is unusual for me. Maybe it is the fact that I am finally shedding my old lining, since I was on BCP since June. Maybe it's a combination of my hormones, the Lu.pron, plus the addition of the Es.trace today. I don't know. The cramping has subsided now, but it was no fun. I think I have a fairly high tolerance for pain, but earlier today I was a little worried. I hope we are done with the cramping.
Today is Labor Day, and in MN, it also means the last day of the Minnesota State Fair. Babe and I decided to go to the Fair yesterday. It was the first day we had beautiful weather, with the high in the 70's. We were in the 90's all week, with the humidity, we had a heat index of over 100 degrees. So yesterday was a perfect day to go to the fair. Unfortunately, I think the entire state of MN also had the same great idea and showed up the same time as we did. The crowds there were insane! It was impossible to walk without running into people.
Food's a huge part of the visit, so we tried a couple types of food-on-a-stick including lamb chops on-a-stick and deep fried maple glazed bacon on-a-stick (yummy!), topped with chocolate and sweet chipotle sauce. We also had swedish egg coffee, eggplant fries and some brownie sundae. We really didn't go crazy with the food this time, partly because the lines were so long for everything. We were glad we went because this could possibly be the last year we could go to the fair without kids!
So my period finally arrived on Saturday. Today, I started my 1/2 dose of Es.trace twice a day. Unfortunately, I have experienced a heavy period yesterday and today I had some pretty intense cramping with the heavy flow. This is unusual for me. Maybe it is the fact that I am finally shedding my old lining, since I was on BCP since June. Maybe it's a combination of my hormones, the Lu.pron, plus the addition of the Es.trace today. I don't know. The cramping has subsided now, but it was no fun. I think I have a fairly high tolerance for pain, but earlier today I was a little worried. I hope we are done with the cramping.
Today is Labor Day, and in MN, it also means the last day of the Minnesota State Fair. Babe and I decided to go to the Fair yesterday. It was the first day we had beautiful weather, with the high in the 70's. We were in the 90's all week, with the humidity, we had a heat index of over 100 degrees. So yesterday was a perfect day to go to the fair. Unfortunately, I think the entire state of MN also had the same great idea and showed up the same time as we did. The crowds there were insane! It was impossible to walk without running into people.
Food's a huge part of the visit, so we tried a couple types of food-on-a-stick including lamb chops on-a-stick and deep fried maple glazed bacon on-a-stick (yummy!), topped with chocolate and sweet chipotle sauce. We also had swedish egg coffee, eggplant fries and some brownie sundae. We really didn't go crazy with the food this time, partly because the lines were so long for everything. We were glad we went because this could possibly be the last year we could go to the fair without kids!
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| The incredible sea of people at the fair! |
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| Lamb chops on a stick |
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| The incredible lines of Sweet Martha's Cookies, plus people trying to get by |
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| Eggplant fries |
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| I love the idea of rocking chairs for seating area at the senior wellness exhibit |
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