More (Sucky) Baby News

Guess what?  I'm going to be an aunt again.

Yeah.... isn't it great news...... (hope you noticed the tinge of sarcasm!)

I just found out tonight that Babe's younger brother and his wife are having a baby.  Again.  This will be their second baby.  They already have a little 3-year old girl.

Babe's parents were in town today.  We took them out to dinner in honor of Father's Day tomorrow, and a belated Mother's Day celebration since they were on vacation on mother's day.  We were talking about my sister-in-law, and my mother-in-law accidently mentioned "the baby".  I said, "What baby? She's having a baby?"  "Oops, I guess was I wasn't supposed to say anything yet" said my mother-in-law.

Of course it was a shocker to me!  I just hope that shock did not show through too much!  The only thing I could think of to say was "Congrats, you're going to be grandparents again!"

Of course I'm so happy that my BIL & SIL are having a baby again.  They deserve it.  They had a miscarriage before their daughter was born.  And they are such great people.  I can't wait to meet my next niece or nephew, with blonde hair and blue eyes.

But I can't help but feel the jealousy creeping up again.  I thought we would have a baby before they had a second baby.  They got pregnant with their first when we had been trying for a few years.  Now their little girl is already 3.  Now they are pregnant with baby number 2, and we are STILL trying.

The kicker though is their baby is due mid January.  That means they conceived in April, a month or so after our failed IVF attempt in March.  They beat us to it.  Again.  It would mean we could have been pregnant together.  I was hoping that we would be at least pregnant before they conceived their second child.  Maybe the kids could play together.

With our luck, they will probably have a boy, and they'll be the first to carry on the family last name.  I had hoped that maybe we would be able to do that.

With the exception of Babe's youngest brother who is single and 10 years younger, we are the only ones among his siblings that don't have kids.  Chances are, his youngest brother (I mean his girlfriend) will probably have a baby before we do.

Gosh, I hate feeling this way!  Feeling upset about someone else getting pregnant.  I should be happy for them.  I AM happy for them.  But yet as the same time, I am sad and upset.  I feel left behind as everyone else is moving on with their lives.  It's so unfair.  And I have to pretend that I'm happy.  I feel like such a whiner.  I feel like a bad person.

This really sucks.

A New Journey

Well it is time to take a new journey again. After almost 6 years of trying for a baby and a few breaks in between, my hubby and I have decided to start on a new journey of TTC (trying to conceive) again.

I have decided that after years of reading thousands of other people's TTC blogs, it is time for me to start my own. I realized that blogging is possibly the best way for me to share my valleys and peaks with others who has, is, or will be going on the "fun" journey of TTC. It is also the best way for me to journal and remember this journey. After 6 years, I can honestly say I can't remember a lot of the details and wish I kept a better record of all the experiences. All the doctor appointments, blood draws, fertility drugs, etc. Even going over copies of my medical record is hard for me to decipher exactly what happened.

So, from now on, I'm going to blog about it!

Today, I finally called the fertility clinic to set up an appointment to see RE after being away from the clinic for almost 2 years. My next appointment is set for Jan 13th 2010. It has been a tough decision for us to make this appointment.

I will post a brief history of my journey, but that will be for another post! As of today, I am officially blogging!