Friday, March 28, 2014

This Is Hard

This last couple of days have been pretty hard.

Yes, things have gone well with the donor family and the open donation agreement.  I am now just waiting for my May transfer date, and for my protocol so I can order and start my meds.

On the other hand, there has been a lot of pregnancy updates on the embryo adoption group, blogs, as well as emails from those that I am blog friends with.  So far, all have been positive...... two lines on the home pregnancy tests and good beta numbers.  A few are NEDC mamas who just had their March transfers.  Sounds like March was a good month at NEDC.  Can't help but wonder, would I have had a good outcome too if I had been able to get on the March transfer cycle?

The hard about all this is, yes I am truly happy for those who are getting good news.  I have been through a similar journey and I really want them to be successful in their pregnancies.  But as any of us that have been through the infertility journey know, we all feel the pang of hurt and the feeling of "Why not me?"  It sucks to have to go through feeling like a fake because you say things like, "Congrats!" or "So happy for you!" because while you do truly mean it, at the same time, you feel hurt. And jealous.

The worse part of it all, because of my last transfer in January where I had a high initial beta number and then was devastated when I found out at my second beta that it had dropped dramatically, I want to yell "Be cautious! Don't get too excited, because it can still all go to hell!"

But of course I don't.  I know it is unusual for a high initial beta to drop after a few days.  Though it can happen, I know what happened to me is not common.  So I don't say anything but be supportive of their good news.  Chances are, their good news will stay good and eventually be great news.

I think this is hitting me especially hard because I know my May transfer at NEDC will be my last if it is not successful.  There is a lot at stake here, and a lot of pressure.  After so much consideration in making the decision to pursue embryo adoption, it is a hard to give it up.

So, if you are reading this and have a positive pregnancy test or beta number, please be assured that I truly am happy for you and pray that your pregnancy continues to go well.

I still just need to be sad for myself.  At least for now.

Tuesday, March 25, 2014

ODAs Signed

As of yesterday, our copy of the ODA (Open Donation Agreement) with the donor family was signed, notarized and sent via priority mail.  It sounds like the donor family did the same as of last week.  So, as far as the ODA is concerned, we are set and ready to go for our May transfer.  I'm so glad this is taken care of.  I am also grateful that the donor family was quick to accept and was committed to getting the ODA completed quickly.

Now, I have to wait for to hear back from Katie with my protocol and what my transfer date it.  She said I would receive it before April 15th.  So that's what's next.  In the past, I received my protocol around the 10th, so I'm keeping my fingers crossed I will get it soon.  Only one more week to April!

Monday, March 17, 2014

Our New Donor Family

On Monday, we found out that our new donor family accepted our match.

On the same day, we found out that Debbie had already reached out to the donor couple to start communications to start working on our Open Donation Agreement (ODA).

On Tuesday, we put our check for the ODA in the mail to Debbie.  Found out she was speaking with them the next day .

On Wednesday, I spent about an hour on the phone Debbie finding out more about the donor family.  I'm excited about this donor family.  This couple has 3 children, a little 2 year old boy and a set of boy/girl twins.  I'm happy to find out that this family has very similar background with us in terms of occupation, education and family values.  Seems like we also desire the same level of openness.

On Friday, we received a draft copy of the ODA between us and our new donor family.  We reviewed it over the weekend.  It is very similar to what we had with one of our previous donors, so we are pretty comfortable with it.

Today, we OK'd the ODA with Debbie.  I'm assuming we will be receiving a copy of the ODA to be notarized fairly soon this week, unless the donor family has questions or need come changes to the ODA.

Things are moving along nicely.

Monday, March 10, 2014

Match Accepted

This morning, I received an email that the donor family we requested on Friday has accepted our match!

Yay!  Now, to proceed with next steps.  We are putting the check in the mail tomorrow for our Open Donation Agreement (ODA) in the mail.  Debbie, the counselor at NEDC will contact the family to start communication with the donor family and will start our process of negotiating our ODA.

It feels nice to make some progress.  Please pray that the process will go smoothly, and we will be able to have transfer in May.

Sunday, March 9, 2014

Giveaway Winner

We have a winner for our $10 Starbucks gift card giveaway!

For my very non-scientific drawing, I had Babe randomly pick a number.  He picked #3 .

That means the winner is comment #3, Snow!

Congrats, Snow! 

Please email me at BabyOnMind at gmail dot com (please use normal email format) with your contact info so I can mail the gift card to you.  If I do not hear from you by midnight, Monday night, I will have to pick another winner.

Thanks to everyone that commented.  It was fun to hear from everyone why you read my blog.  Plus I love doing giveaways!

Friday, March 7, 2014

Donor Family Match Requested

**If you would still like to take part in my $10 Starbucks gift card giveaway in honor of my 200th follower, please do so by commenting in the last post here.  You have till 11:59 pm CST Saturday, March 8th to do so.**

This morning, I finally emailed NEDC's coordinator to be matched with a family.

This has been THE HARDEST decision Babe and I have had to make in our embryo adoption journey.

After receiving donor profiles of Caucasian families last week, we narrowed those down to 2 families.  We requested information about the embryos from these families, which we received on Wednesday.

After reviewing all the profiles, we narrowed our choices to our top 3 families.  One was Caucasian, one Asian, and one bi-racial.  This was the toughest part.  Do we want to pick a family where the children looked like me, or like Babe, or a of both?  For me, it is a tough decision to have to pick the race of your child.  Ideally, we want children that would look like the both of us.  However, if you think about it, in many cases, you don't usually get to pick the race of your child in traditional adoption either.  So we decided we would not let race be such a big part of our decision (though I have to admit it was tough!).

We want to pick a family with the highest chance of a successful pregnancy.  Since this is our third transfer at NEDC, we would be out of the program at NEDC if we are not successful this time.  So, we are looking for a family with excellent quality embryos, but also with a young genetic mother, as recommended by Dr. Keenan.  But none of these families had both.

I emailed the embryologist asking what has a higher chance of a successful pregnancy, embryos from a younger genetic mother, or embryos with higher quality grading.  In her opinion, embryos from a younger genetic mother is more likely to give me a higher chance of pregnancy than higher grade embryos.

So, after even more consideration, we have decided to go with a family with the younger genetic mother.  This morning we sent a request to be matched with this donor family.  Hopefully, this will give the family the weekend to review our profile and make a decision to either accept or decline us.

I'm relieved that this part of the decision is made.  I'm praying that the donor family makes a decision quickly so we can proceed with the next steps of our transfer.

Saturday, March 1, 2014

200th Follower & Giveaway

I noticed yesterday that I reached my 200th follower.  200! 

For me, that's a huge number of people following my blog!  I know there are many others that read my blog but are not followers.

When I started blogging back in November 2009 (has it been that long already?!)  I didn't even know if anyone would read my blog.  I wanted to share my journey, and also more importantly, a way for me to journal and remember where I've been and how I felt.  Four years, and almost 400 posts later, I'm still blogging, and still waiting.

In honor of my 200th follower, I'm having giving away a $10 gift card to Starbucks.

For a chance to win this, please leave me a comment on why you read my blog.

Have you been, or are you currently in the same journey?  
Are you learning more about infertility, adoption, or embryo adoption?  Are you starting your process, in the middle of it, or have completed your family?
Do you still check up on me just to see how I'm doing because you read my blog a long time ago?
Did you just happen to come across my blog because you googled something or clicked on a link from another blog?
Have we met in person because of this blog?
Have I helped or inspired you in any way along this journey because of my blog?

I would love to hear from you!

Anyone can take part in this giveaway, whether you follow me or not.  But you do have to comment on this post to be eligible.  If you comment anonymously, you will have to provide me with an email address that I can reach you at if you win.

Giveaway is open for a week.  You have until 11:59 pm CST on Saturday, March 8th to comment.  The winner will be randomly chosen by Babe after that.  The winner will be announced on Sunday, March 9th.

Good luck.  I can't wait to hear your responses!